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Old 09-02-2020, 18:59   #8566
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
True, but we can only be young once. On the other hand, we can be immature forever!
Well then, we can start some sophomoric jokes.
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Old 09-02-2020, 19:39   #8567
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Well then, we can start some sophomoric jokes.
This young lad is working in a grocery store when an elderly lady walks in and asks for a pound of carrots, a pound of tomatoes, and a pound of onions. The lad says that she can have the pound (.45 kilos for my friends down under!) of carrots and the pound of tomatoes, but that they were out of onions.

Lady says no problem, she'll just take the pound of onions. Our hero repeats that there are no onions, and the lady says no problem, just to give her a pound of carrots and a pound of onions. This goes on for some time and each time she tries a new combination but always with the onions.

The lad finally gives up and tries a new approach. He asks what one gets if the take the car out of carrots, and she replies rats. Encouraged, he then asks what one gets if you take the to out of tomatoes, and she replies matoes. He then asks what she would get if she took the F#@K out of onions. She replied "But sonny, there ain't no F#@K in onions, where upon he says "That's what I've been trying to tell you!
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Old 09-02-2020, 20:46   #8568
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 10-02-2020, 05:17   #8569
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Best one all week.
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Old 10-02-2020, 10:09   #8570
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Yup, in a single meme socaldmax ruined hot dogs and coffee, while completely dissolving any remaining faith I had in humanity...at least he didn't ruin bacon
Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Talking of more recipes.


Its low carb and gluten free!






StuM beat him to it.
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Old 10-02-2020, 11:14   #8571
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 10-02-2020, 14:47   #8572
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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famous in some circles perhaps (and hogans heros was a funny enough) but i'm not sure he was the most famous austrian / american actor

i'd propose Hedy Lamarr or Maximilian Schell as being slightly better known...

anyway, this is a joke thread so i'll leave it alone

cheers,

It's Hedley


https://giphy.com/gifs/mel-brooks-bl...RLa/fullscreen
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Old 10-02-2020, 15:15   #8573
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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haha...groan
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Old 12-02-2020, 23:06   #8574
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 13-02-2020, 19:00   #8575
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Their they’re, there.........


.
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Old 13-02-2020, 19:05   #8576
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Old 13-02-2020, 19:06   #8577
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Old 13-02-2020, 19:17   #8578
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/s...262671361?s=09
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Old 14-02-2020, 05:09   #8579
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember ... no-one loves you on any other day, either.


This year, I've got my wife a Valentine's Day present that will really take her breath away.
A treadmill.
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Old 14-02-2020, 07:10   #8580
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Genius
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