The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[JPA Cate]

Woohoo! At last! JOKES!

Ann

[GordMay]

My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids.
If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.

I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm.
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.

Every morning I like to remind my wife who’s in charge, by holding a mirror up to her face.

My wife prefers to take the stairs, but I always take the elevator.
I guess we were just raised differently.

Arguing with your partner is like trying to read the “Terms of Use” on the internet.
Eventually, you just give up and say, “I Agree.”

Marriage is when a man and woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

My wife and I always compromise.
I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house.
He got the outside.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

[GordMay]

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home, to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden.
Here we go again.

My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim is steadily improving.

[GordMay]

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?
A: Forget it once.

[GordMay]

***

[desertsailor]

Here's an interesting cartoon from "The Far Side" by Gary Larson.

https://www.thefarside.com/2021/11/14/1

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by desertsailor

Here's an interesting cartoon from "The Far Side" by Gary Larson.

https://www.thefarside.com/2021/11/14/1

Very app o pro.

[jeanathon]

How can you tell who is a French soldier at the beach?
Sunburnt armpits...
Did you hear about the new French battle flag?
It is a white cross on a white background.

[GordMay]

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But apparently, it just changes the color of the baby.

Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time.
Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends.

[dfelsent]

My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
I replied, "No."
She yelled back, "How about now?

[jeanathon]

Why is divorce so expensive?
Cuz it's worth it.

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

Why is divorce so expensive?
Cuz it's worth it.

What do you call losing 50% of your net worth in a divorce? A Good Deal !

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

What do you call losing 50% of your net worth in a divorce? A Good Deal !

BS I think you and I might be too jaded...
By the way Love the initials.

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

BS I think you and I might be too jaded...
By the way Love the initials.

Well, it is someone else's joke not mine. No one is ever gonna walk out the door with a big chunk of my net worth.

I never thought about the initials until people started using them on the forum. At least I think they were meant to be initials. [emoji6]

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

How can you tell who is a French soldier at the beach?
Sunburnt armpits...
Did you hear about the new French battle flag?
It is a white cross on a white background.

Given it was just Remembrance Sunday I think this joke is in poor taste. Why not insert your own people in the joke rather then others.