The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[sv_pelagia]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

Given it was just Remembrance Sunday I think this joke is in poor taste. Why not insert your own people in the joke rather then others.

Agreed. It bothered me too. And why the "French"?

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

The fireworks at Disney Land in France had to be stopped because every night the French would surrender.

[goboatingnow]

3. How many guns do you need for a firefight?
Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to the enemy so he can shoot us back.

[goboatingnow]

Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world.

Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...

[goboatingnow]

It's easy [for the United States] to attack Somalia, Haiti, Iraq, Fox! But France! They're boycotting French Fries!

I don't even worry about the United States anymore: I worry about their gastronomy. They are going to end up without Mexican enchiladas, no French wines, no Chinese food, no—with the Vatican's blessing—Arab food!

They're just going to end up with bretzels

Just “ jokes “ right

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

Given it was just Remembrance Sunday I think this joke is in poor taste. Why not insert your own people in the joke rather then others.

Well I would think my username might give you a clue, but since it didn't I will clue you in. I am French passport holder, I use to live there, and I just got back from there. So I did insert my own people.
Thank you though for sticking up for the French. Someone has to.....
Hehe see what I did there?

[jeanathon]

Recently my teenage son informed me he was going to borrow my car?
I asked him, "What are the magic words to get what you want?"
His reply, " I am offended."

[carlosproa]

[ArmyDaveNY]

Adam and Eve’s Nationality

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Venezuelan are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Venezuelan points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are clearly Venezuelan.

[ArmyDaveNY]

In WWII you could identify the nationality of your opponent by observing how they respond to threats.

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British.
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German.
If they retreat, they're French.
If they attack you with overwhelming numbers, they're Soviets.
If they switch to your side, they're Italian.
If they apologize, they're Canadian.
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American.

[SailRN]

How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire

The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.

The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

[ArmyDaveNY]

I don't want to offend anyone, so if I missed a nationality, please let me know!!

– What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?
– A mute!

-Why is the Austrian flag Red, White, Red?
-So they can't fly it upside down!

-Duncan MacManus donates a lot of money to charities, but he likes to remain anonymous.
-That's why he doesn't sign his name to the cheques!

-A Greek and an Italian were arguing about who had the better culture. The Greek says we have the Parthenon and the Italian replies that they had the Coliseum. The Greek says they invented democracy and the Italian replies they built the Roman Empire. This goes on and on until the Greek says they invented sex, and the Italian replies that while true, it was the Italians who introduced it to women.

-What is the fastest thing in Kosovo?
-An Albanian with your TV!

-The Belgium Ministry of Transportation introduced a new road sign.
-It says "End of Roundabout."

-How do you know if a Chinese person tried to rob your home?
-When you return your math homework has been done, your computer has been upgraded, and he is still trying to back your car out of your driveway.

-In the English language, if you speak three languages, you are called tri-lingual.
-In the English language, if you speak two languages, you are called bi-lingual.
-In the English language, if you speak one language, you are called American!

This one is not Canadian but they'll certainly understand it!
-John sees a sign that says boat for sale. When he looks in the yard he only sees a tractor and a beat up truck for sale. He knocks on the door and an old Newfie answers. John asks him about the boat for sale and the Newfie seems confused, and relies, "No bye. I ain't got no boat for sale. John says "What about the sign?"
-The Newfie replies, "Aye. An dere boat for sale."

-I recently applied for Australian citizenship and during the interview they asked if I had a criminal history.
-I replied that I didn't know that was still a requirement for citizenship.

-During WWII, how could you tell the optimist German from the pessimist German?
-The optimist studies English. The pessimist studies Russian.

-I hate Russian dolls.
-They're so full of themselves.

-Why don't Indians play football?
-Because every time they get a corner they open up a shop.

-What do you call a Kiwi in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
-Referee!

[StuM]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

3. How many guns do you need for a firefight?
Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to leave for the enemy so he can shoot us back.

There, FIFY

[tp12]

Originally Posted by sv_pelagia

Agreed. It bothered me too. And why the "French"?

They’re known in England as ‘cheese eating surrender monkeys’

It is rumoured their National states of readiness include High Alert, Surrender and Collaborate

They’re jokes, guys