The New Joke Thread

[sailorphil9]

Two nerds :

I'm not having any children.

I heard they take 9 months to download.

[sailorphil9]

A van was broken down in Paris. In the back the police found a stack of paintings from the Louvre. Surprsed, they said, "If you were capable of getting those out of the Louvre, how come you let yourself run out of petrol?"

That's why I stole the paintings.

I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. What had I Toulouse?

[sailorphil9]

When my mate said he thought he was going a bit deaf, I said "What are the symptoms"?

He said "They're a dysfunctional cartoon family with yellow heads."

[sailorphil9]

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy says, "In the car." Paddy says, "That's the quickest way. But I wouldnt start from here, anyway."


Take #2
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks how far it is to O'Connel St. Paddy says "Sure if you're having to walk it's about 2 mls, but if you run you'll do it in 1.


Take#3
Paddy is at a job interview. "What would you say was your greatest weakness?" "Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

”I don't give a **** what you think."

[sailorphil9]

I try to be non-partisan here, but couldn't resist this one:


Joe Biden decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how he felt about him.

Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:

370HSSV 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to his wife and children.
Neither she nor the children had any clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

Within minutes the FBI cabled this reply:
"Tell the President that he's holding the message upside down."

[sailorphil9]

My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mother's."

I opened up the fridge, the light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

[sailormed]

Originally Posted by StuM

Socaldmax -- all of your empty posts are getting really annoying. PLEASE stop trying to post links to images at glamisdunes.com.

I have the same empty posts

[Asmolian]

I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.

[Copacabana]

[GordMay]

When I was young, there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet.
Nobody knew why.

“Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.” ~ Anonymous.

[Quebramar]

[QUOTE=GordMay;3248238] Y is named “Greek-i” (for the lack of a real name) in French...
So is it that the benefits of Hellenic culture had not reached your part of the world back then? Lol

[chris mac]

Originally Posted by Asmolian

I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.

Nice one![emoji106]

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by Asmolian

I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.

It's funny you mention that. Another famous, or rather infamous, person said something similar.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Speaking of dark humour.... Actually, for the historically minded amongst us, the joke is that ole Rudolph was actually the second grammar Nazi since Emil Maurice was the first editor, but I digress.

[Dave_S]

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