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Old 05-10-2020, 23:40   #13006
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two nerds :

I'm not having any children.

I heard they take 9 months to download.
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Old 05-10-2020, 23:41   #13007
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A van was broken down in Paris. In the back the police found a stack of paintings from the Louvre. Surprsed, they said, "If you were capable of getting those out of the Louvre, how come you let yourself run out of petrol?"

That's why I stole the paintings.

I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. What had I Toulouse?
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Old 05-10-2020, 23:42   #13008
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When my mate said he thought he was going a bit deaf, I said "What are the symptoms"?

He said "They're a dysfunctional cartoon family with yellow heads."
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Old 05-10-2020, 23:47   #13009
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy says, "In the car." Paddy says, "That's the quickest way. But I wouldnt start from here, anyway."


Take #2
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks how far it is to O'Connel St. Paddy says "Sure if you're having to walk it's about 2 mls, but if you run you'll do it in 1.


Take#3
Paddy is at a job interview. "What would you say was your greatest weakness?" "Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

”I don't give a **** what you think."
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Old 05-10-2020, 23:53   #13010
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I try to be non-partisan here, but couldn't resist this one:


Joe Biden decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how he felt about him.

Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:

370HSSV 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to his wife and children.
Neither she nor the children had any clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

Within minutes the FBI cabled this reply:
"Tell the President that he's holding the message upside down."
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Old 05-10-2020, 23:56   #13011
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mother's."

I opened up the fridge, the light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
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Old 06-10-2020, 00:26   #13012
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Socaldmax -- all of your empty posts are getting really annoying. PLEASE stop trying to post links to images at glamisdunes.com.
I have the same empty posts
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Old 06-10-2020, 00:42   #13013
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.
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Old 06-10-2020, 02:19   #13014
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 06-10-2020, 03:22   #13015
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When I was young, there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet.
Nobody knew why.

“Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.” ~ Anonymous.
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Old 06-10-2020, 04:24   #13016
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The New Joke Thread

[QUOTE=GordMay;3248238] Y is named “Greek-i” (for the lack of a real name) in French...
So is it that the benefits of Hellenic culture had not reached your part of the world back then? Lol
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Old 06-10-2020, 05:55   #13017
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asmolian View Post
I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.
Nice one!
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Old 06-10-2020, 11:59   #13018
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Asmolian View Post
I used to see them and wondered what the fuss was about.

Now I don't see them and understand the frustration. Sometimes you get the joke and sometimes, you don't.

Such is life.
It's funny you mention that. Another famous, or rather infamous, person said something similar.
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Old 06-10-2020, 12:10   #13019
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of dark humour.... Actually, for the historically minded amongst us, the joke is that ole Rudolph was actually the second grammar Nazi since Emil Maurice was the first editor, but I digress.
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Old 06-10-2020, 14:00   #13020
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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