Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 02-03-2016, 12:55   #1096
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey!?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said,
"So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2016, 13:20   #1097
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 30,699
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by unclemack View Post


Deja Poo: Not this **** again?
Vouja de?

__________________

a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2016, 13:29   #1098
Registered User
 
PlumKrazy's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Landlocked :(
Posts: 82
Re: The New Joke Thread

[MILDLY CRUDE HUMOR; Fair Warning]

So, I'm not sure if this has already been posted, but I overheard an old timer tell it to a waitress at a burger joint recently.

- What do men have in common with floor tile?

- I don't know, what?

- If you lay him right the first time you get to walk all over him for the rest of his life.

Super funny and totally true. The best flavor of humor imo.
__________________
"Thanks for reading!" -PlumKrazy
( Also, please check out my latest book by clicking here. )
PlumKrazy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 23:24   #1099
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
So some friends were sitting around the pub having a few beers. Next round came about and was delivered by the new waitress, who, truth be told, is a mighty fine looking lass. Now guys being guys there arose a bit of speculation. George, well, he said that he helped her just the other night. Got our attention, that.
So we're in the pub again, this time on a Monday eve, and George - Remember George? Introduced back in Post 1083? - Well he says that for awhile he was friends with this guy Junior Samples down Georgia way. Says Junior explained things about work and life in ways a man could understand. So George listened to Junior, and he done that, you know, cut back on working hours 'cause work was a-gettin' in the way of his fishing.

Anyway, we were trying to have a quiet talk, being a Monday like I said, but this waitress kept on interrupting things. Not the lass from a'for, the fine looking young thing? Heck no, this is the gal who handles Sundays & Mondays. The slow nights. And that fits her just about perfect 'cause when she's delivering our beer... man oh man, might as well brew our own 'cause she's slower than a nudist trying to climb a barbed wire fence.

And the way she does go on! Interrupting us like I said.... Heck, don't want to be unkind but her mouth is so big whenever she smiles she gets lipstick in her ears. Mercy. And all that trash-talk she gives about the new waitress? Well pot meet kettle 'cause we saw her a'way back when SHE was new and slipping out the back door with her boss and by the time she could say she's not that kind of girl...
she was.


¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Need a new car? Call Junior Samples at BR - 549


For more comedic material & stories check out my blog at.....

Oh. Wait.... I don't have a blog.

.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 23:30   #1100
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Probably gonna get me in trouble, but....


Two girls, Rosy and Nina are talking before going out.

Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see a dietician."

Nina asked, "Why?"

Rosy answered, "Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories there are in sperm."

Nina replied, "I really have no clue, but if you’re swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care if you’re a little chunky."

Or not.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 23:32   #1101
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes.

Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 23:47   #1102
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

#GraffitiEverywhere......

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum
to do rimshots during the vows.

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 23:51   #1103
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

A Pentecostal minister was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Newfie asked for a rum & coke, which was poured and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."


__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2016, 23:45   #1104
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Cross link: http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ad-162395.html
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 09:28   #1105
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2016
Boat: 66' Spencer 42' Sloop
Posts: 399
Re: The New Joke Thread

BigNickMontana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 15:40   #1106
Registered User
 
AnglaisInHull's Avatar

Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 813
Re: The New Joke Thread

Challenge: this just popped into my mind, and what better place to get rid of it?

A couple of lines from my mis-spent youth; there were more but I've forgotten them:

- She was only a bootlegger's daughter, but I love her still ...

- She was only a telegrapher's daughter, but she didit, didit, didit ...

Any ideas for nautical themes - sailor's daughter, harbour master's daughter, etc? No misogyny intended, can be sons if you prefer.
__________________
My boat is like me. People look, and say "... pretty good shape ... for its age ..."
AnglaisInHull is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 16:26   #1107
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,943
Re: The New Joke Thread

She was only a minister's daughter, but she screwed the devil right out of him...

She was only the harbor master's daughter, but she gave refuge to more sailors than her father ever did...

She was only the headmaster's daughter, but she was truly the master of head...
socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 16:26   #1108
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge".
Irish Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed". He puts on his
Latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her vagina.
"How does that feel?" he asks.
“Lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 16:27   #1109
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

Went out last night, dressed to kill. ... . . . . . . . Beard, sandals, turban and backpack.
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2016, 16:31   #1110
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

And one in memory of svmaryane (Mary Ayne - ??)

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 survivors: Bob, Bill and Debbie.
They manage to swim to a small island and live there for a a number of months doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several months of casual sex, all the time, Debbie started feeling absolutely horrible about what she was doing. It got worse and worse.
She felt having sex with both Bob and Bill was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.

It was tragic, but Bob and Bill managed to get through it.

After a while, Bob and Bill's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened.
Well, a couple more weeks went by and Bob and Bill began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

So they buried Debbie.
__________________

__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 17:47.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.