So we were down to the pub the other night and George, well he was just back from a longish trip to the USA. Said since he was there he tried to get into the culture. Not sure, but what he was saying seemed kind of weird:
Went into a shop, bought something, and as he left the clerk told him to "have a nice day". And he didn't. So he sued the store, the clerk, and some random stranger...
If you're being chased by a police dog try not to go through a tunnel and onto little see/saws and jump through a hoop of fire. Because they train for that...
Don't go camping in the countryside because if you notice, whenever the police find a body it's always in a tent...
By the way - my grandfather died. We didn't get to say good bye. Which was all the more poignant because he drowned face down in a bowl of cheerios...
You know, me and Georgina got remarried, right? Well we had a baby on the trip. A daughter. She had jaundice. So she was small, round, and yellow. We named her Melanie...
(George is unpredictable, but usually funny
, so I was waiting the entire time for him to repeat that deja vu joke.)
So George trots off to make a beer
deposit and some other folk at the bar try to pick up the slack and start throwing out so-called jokes...
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it’s still on the list.
might be able to fake orgasms.
can fake a whole relationship.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
My Dad has a weird hobby - he collects empty bottles.
Which sounds so much better than alcoholic, doesn't it?
My wife and I decided we don't want children
so if anybody does we can drop them off tomorrow.
In University I was going to join the debating team
but someone talked me out of it.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.
So I put ém in the same room and let them fight it out.
Wait! There's George! I'll chat with you later....