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Old 24-06-2018, 13:05   #3016
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 24-06-2018, 17:51   #3017
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Lol, but I thought it was Mum and Dad who had the Orgasm....
You started with a short but highly competitive swim
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Old 24-06-2018, 20:13   #3018
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Converting the numbers 51, 6 and 500 to Roman Numerals makes me LIVID.




Just having a Zen moment. Please carry on...
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Old 24-06-2018, 20:18   #3019
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Finally found out what people mean when they say/text WTF !



Wow. That''s Fun!


(Drummer's rim shot here for those who, well..... )
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Old 25-06-2018, 12:41   #3020
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 25-06-2018, 13:51   #3021
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So we were down to the pub the other night and George, well he was just back from a longish trip to the USA. Said since he was there he tried to get into the culture. Not sure, but what he was saying seemed kind of weird:

Went into a shop, bought something, and as he left the clerk told him to "have a nice day". And he didn't. So he sued the store, the clerk, and some random stranger...

If you're being chased by a police dog try not to go through a tunnel and onto little see/saws and jump through a hoop of fire. Because they train for that...

Don't go camping in the countryside because if you notice, whenever the police find a body it's always in a tent...

By the way - my grandfather died. We didn't get to say good bye. Which was all the more poignant because he drowned face down in a bowl of cheerios...

You know, me and Georgina got remarried, right? Well we had a baby on the trip. A daughter. She had jaundice. So she was small, round, and yellow. We named her Melanie...

(George is unpredictable, but usually funny, so I was waiting the entire time for him to repeat that deja vu joke.)

So George trots off to make a beer deposit and some other folk at the bar try to pick up the slack and start throwing out so-called jokes...

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it’s still on the list.

Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake a whole relationship.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

My Dad has a weird hobby - he collects empty bottles.
Which sounds so much better than alcoholic, doesn't it?

My wife and I decided we don't want children,
so if anybody does we can drop them off tomorrow.

In University I was going to join the debating team
but someone talked me out of it.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.
So I put ém in the same room and let them fight it out.


Wait! There's George! I'll chat with you later....
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Old 02-07-2018, 14:51   #3022
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Dooooooooohhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!

I bet they just went home after that last one.
Attached Files
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Old 02-07-2018, 15:43   #3023
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Are people still letting their browsers open Flash links?
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Old 02-07-2018, 18:34   #3024
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
I was derived by a Seaman
Born from semen
Lived as a Seaman
Hopefully die as seemin g
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Old 02-07-2018, 18:40   #3025
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My book on Nordic cultures is taking a long time to write.


I don’t think I’ll ever make it to the Finnish.
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Old 02-07-2018, 18:40   #3026
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.


It was quite the shindig.
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Old 02-07-2018, 19:12   #3027
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Are people still letting their browsers open Flash links?
I don't get it.
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Old 02-07-2018, 19:52   #3028
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Are people still letting their browsers open Flash links?

I uploaded an mp4 file, what happened after that I have no control.
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Old 02-07-2018, 19:59   #3029
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my finance is still a virgin - in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; .... an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies, ..."Look at this, still in the CRATE!"
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Old 02-07-2018, 20:05   #3030
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So she whips out her boxcutters. . .
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