The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

[Montanan]

Read any good books recently?

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by GordMay

'Lucas' Electrical Diagram:

but where is the smoke container ???

cheers,

[Glenn C]

Always wanted a Lotus Elan......however, whoever coined Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious wasnt kidding.......

[Uncle Bob]

Originally Posted by boatman61

The Morris Minor was 850cc..
The Morris Oxford was 1477cc..

Mate, that looks like a Hindustan Ambassador.

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by SailOar

Many people think it's irrational to celebrate π day, but like it or not, here we are...

1 3.14% of sailors are pi-rates.

2 Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.

3 Come to the nerd side. We have pi.

4 Simple as 3.141592…

5 The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He ate too much pi.

6 The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.

7 What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter? Moon pi.

8 What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert? Apple pi.

9 What is the official animal of Pi Day? The pi-thon.

10 A pizza has a radius z and thickness a. Its volume is pizza (or pi*z*z*a)

11 What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert? Pi!

12 The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.” The baker replies, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”

13 Just saw American Pi. I gave it a rating of 3.14.

14 In Alaska, where temperatures get below freezing, pi is only 3.00. After all, everything shrinks in the cold.

15 What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter? Pi in the sky.

16 How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.

17 What do you get when you cut a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.

18 What is 1.57? Half a pie.

19 What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into? 3.14.

20 How many calories are there in that slice of chocolate pi? Approximately 3.14.

What a pity you sent this on 15 March (local time)!

[Franziska]

Sounds like a Corona ward...

Thanks, well written.

Originally Posted by owly

I just got my first covid vaccination yesterday, and wrote this bit of humor about the experience. Not a "joke", just a humorous story.... I don't have a Facebook account, and I deleted the actual place names



Dear Facebook Friends:

I got my first Covid shot today at the B__ T_____ Civic Center.......... Frankly I was terrified! The help helicopter was idling in the parking lot of the grocery store across the street waiting to medivac casualties. When I walked in, I was unceremoniously hustled to a table where two burly men held me firmly down as a big nurse with the largest syringe I've ever seen was chuckling evilly as she filled her syringe. The needle looked like a drinking straw.... gazing across the floor of the civic center briefly because I could not bear to watch, I saw paramedics treating a woman who was having convulsions. Another man was getting a epinephrine shot.... his arm swollen to triple it's normal size.... another patient lay twitching feebly on the floor with someone standing over him yelling for a paramedic. The place reeked of piss and **** from terrified people.... the smell of fear. As I returned my gaze to the to the nurse she asked which shoulder......... I said left, and she plunged the huge needle in....... OH MY GOD..... It was like liquid fire in my veins. Beads of sweat stood out on my forehead as I clamped my teeth shut and tried not to scream. I'm not ashamed to say I pissed myself. A red fog descended over my vision, and then everything went black... It must have been just moments. The nurse was holding smelling salts under my nose and slapping my face to bring me out of it..... "can you walk?".......... "I think so"..... With help I staggered over to a chair to wait the required 15 minutes. I was one of the lucky ones........As I left I saw men zipping someone into a body bag, and heard the roar of the help helicopter hauling the lady who had gone into convulsions to B_____ for further treatment.... as another touched down to await the next casualty. The scene was unimaginable........... a veritable hellscape. I dread to think that I will have to go back for yet another shot. Could the disease possibly be any worse than the cure?


HW

[Franziska]

Not sure about the Isetta safety, my grandma, which I never met, died in one in the sixties...

Originally Posted by owly

The only time I've ridden in an Izetta was when hitch hiking in the 60's.... quite a shock to have a car stop and the entire front open up.... steering wheel, headlights and all! I'd love to own one but probably never will. The one I rode in was allegedly built by BMW in the immediate post war period.


I've fantisized about taking this to the next level........ a streamlined teardrop car with two fixed front wheels and a steerable rear. Having built a number of rear steering vehicles over the years I've ironed out the control issues using a very simple system that uses body roll to provide positive stability by linking it to the steering in a small way. What The steering drag link lays at an angle between the body and axle in such a way that body roll tries to bring it out of the turn. The right amount of this results in a dynamically stable or at least seemingly dynamically stable vehicle. Bucky Fuller built the Dymaxion car which was a rear steer, and ultimately wrecked killing one or more passengers after which the project was abandoned. Here's a photo..... I know I can do better......

[Uncle Bob]

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Uncle Bob

Mate, that looks like a Hindustan Ambassador.

They got the license to build them after BMC became British Leyland..
Same way as they got the license to build the old Enfield motorcycle..
The red one is a 1956..
The black/silver is 2020..

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

A little geography:


Q: Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

Q: Why is it easy to get into Florida?
A: Because there are so many keys.

Q: What's big, white, furry and always points North?
A: a Polar Bearing.

Q: What does a psychic and a cartographer have in common?
A: They both specialize in projections.

I got an e-mail saying that I won 1 million dollars, because I could read Maps backwards.
I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".

A friend of mine always helps me out with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols, and what they mean ...
The guy is a legend.

According to a recent survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.
The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar ...
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...
... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe ...
... forgets the "L" in Australia?

[Be Free]

Originally Posted by chrisr

but where is the smoke container ???

cheers,

Top right.


You must not allow the magic smoke to escape!

[MicHughV]

Some years back, a friend of mine, thought to make a buck. He ordered several of these "foreign" Enfield bikes, as they were " cheap"...thinking to sell them at a profit.

Well, you get what you pay for. These arrived, dismantled and in pieces in crates, and had to be assembled.

We tackled the first one, and it was quickly obvious, we were dealing with a turd. Parts didn't fit or were mismatched, etc, etc, etc.

We finally managed to put one together and got it running, sorta, kinda, maybe....we took one spin around the block, and that was pretty much it.

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by Be Free

Top right.


You must not allow the magic smoke to escape!

ahh ! got it, thanks...knew it had to be there somewhere

cheers,