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Old 20-10-2020, 23:18   #13321
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Re: The New Joke Thread

While strolling around the Marina this morning about 7 a.m., I noticed a character shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels".

Suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.

Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coast Guard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Department.

It is now 11 a.m., the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted 4 postage stamps.
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Old 20-10-2020, 23:20   #13322
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 20-10-2020, 23:28   #13323
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Old 20-10-2020, 23:31   #13324
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The pastor at a church in Essex asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Tracey stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
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Old 21-10-2020, 01:43   #13325
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 21-10-2020, 07:36   #13326
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Nag a ram
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Old 21-10-2020, 16:56   #13327
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I don't even wanna know what left that track in the middle...

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Old 21-10-2020, 17:00   #13328
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
I don't even wanna know what left that track in the middle...

Tortoise
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Old 21-10-2020, 17:16   #13329
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Re: The New Joke Thread

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1603325776
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Old 21-10-2020, 17:17   #13330
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yes, I know this should say a semi automatic rifle but it's still funny if technically flawed.
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Old 21-10-2020, 17:17   #13331
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And one more

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1603325844
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Old 21-10-2020, 18:30   #13332
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
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Tortoise
It's the tail leaves the track. Male's tails are longer than the females. But lordy, all that fresh cement!
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Old 21-10-2020, 19:27   #13333
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Yes, I know this should say a semi automatic rifle but it's still funny if technically flawed.
And along the same lines...
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Old 21-10-2020, 20:59   #13334
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Tortoise
It was an appendage. Halfway between the left and right legs of the tortoise.
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Old 21-10-2020, 21:25   #13335
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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