Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[zeehag]

as bubba daboatkat says, be more like him. soft, warm and smart. he is also quiet and dislikes people. i taught him well...hahaha
as women are just as guilty of the physical expression of friendship and halloos, why are only specific individuals sorted from the herd. every human on planet has done that which many of htese are suddenly being accused of having done and in worse manner with intent. go f yourselves folks.
as for wolf whistles--to an insecure kid walking to orthodontist appointments from school, they were warming.
to a young lady on a bus trying to travel quietly, they present a potential situation.
\to a mom walking her kid on street by a construction zone, they are a reaffirmation of attraction. they are not a touch.
words are not touching, either, as in locker room talk., harmless and even women do that, so everyone needs to shut the hell up about this distraction from what is
important in our govt being slid by in this time of conflict over nothing.
yes nothing/.
what idiotic government issue is being pushed by whom onto citizens of usa for what reason. seems congress is just as guilty as past admins for creating distractions.
much ado about nothing until ye get to casting couch and billy bob blowjob serial rape.
...
since 1980s this has been an issue in workplaces as per history of sensitivity training in hospitals and other workplaces for employees.
so why until now has nothing been done about the intrinsic perversion within our governments and entertainment industry. oh prolly because it is everywhere including hospitals. ALL businesses have engaged in this behavior. with and without permission and at all levels.
so ..
it has been only since the occasional abandonment of victim blaming that these havebeen able to be forthcoming.
\what i wanna know, how many are fakeries and only for publicity, how many for manipulative repercussions and how many are realities. the sheeples outcries of misdeeds is a lil lacking and tardy. blaming victim has been a reasonable reason for victims not appearing until recently, and over reactions are prevalent, such as horror about wolf whistles. knee jerk overreactions are spawned of ignorance as is hatred. some from jealousy.
i bet half the complainants of wolf whistlery are among the never been whistled at wallflowers.

[cyan]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: B.S. I know how they're wired, but they use their power in those positions to take advantage sexually. Rape is more a violent crime than a sexual one. Oh, and incidentally, women do also sexually harass men from positions of power, it's not at all unheard of. The men wiring BS is just convenient excuse of men. Do you honestly think men are more sexually wired than women? If so, you haven't been around the kind of women I know. Women engage in the same fantasies, same dirty thoughts and talking. It's just harassment comes from a position of power.

Hello WifeyB!
Thanks for the reply. This is an interesting topic for me, as I'm one guy surrounded by empowered, professional women in my office, inside an industry recently shamed by many harassment scandals. You can imagine the discussions. I'm the only nearby representative of the male gender, and well, women speak a LOT of words. (but that's another topic)

There seems to be a universal misunderstanding among this group of professional women. They have voiced the same naive view, but with even more certainty: "sexual harassment and assault is not about sex, its about power". You see that from the TV talking heads as well. BS. The power often provides the opportunity, but that misses the point entirely. Sex. It IS about sex. Men are simply wired to have sex with a variety of women. The more the better.Add a bit of power, a lack of scruples, and the lizard-brain takes over. This observation should not to be confused with an "excuse".

In a couple of years of uncensored female-chatter, I have learned all about this group's fantasies, dirty thoughts, and angst involving the female reproductive systems. However, there was one small fact that these women found shocking: typically guys (on one level) have the urge to mate with all females around them. We men have a code- we never discuss this fact in mixed company. I broke the code, but I'll use the completely-outnumbered-at-work defense in my next man-card hearing.

These intelligent women didn't believe me. They huddled, then posed the telling question: "Cy, do YOU want to have sex with all of us?"
Me: "Every one of you." Silence. Wide eyes. Re-huddle.
This was shocking. Polite me. Non-threatening me. Safe me.
Shocking.

This type of urge is (mostly) safely hidden by society. To even speak of it might put marriages and relationships at risk. Women just do not have the same urge. Sex drive, sure. Not in this way. Not in my zip code.

You can say that harassment is all about power, but power is just the extra ingredient. Women and men are different. That's okay. One gender cannot begin to fully understand the other. That's okay too.

[sailpower]

Originally Posted by john61ct

But there are levels of awareness; most men have no idea how they unconsciously disrespect the women in their lives, maybe every day.

Mansplaining, interrupting, manspreading on public transport are some seemingly trivial examples. Unequal wages and underepresentation in politics and top management more serious ones.

Same with racism. And members of the oppressed group often actively complicit, takes huge social efforts, raised levels of awareness all 'round for many decades to make significant progress.

And actively supported by legal measures, with members of the historically privileged group complaining of mistreatment all the while.

When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression

Most men disrespect the women in their lives?

Most men are racists?

Good grief.

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by sailpower

Cleaning up an old joke;

If it flies, floats or flirts, rent it.

As with most humor there is an underlying truth.

Despite the legal issues there is no shortage of sex workers in this country. Whatever your urge there is someone willing to satisfy it.

All sex workers are not created equal. There is a large leap from streetwalker to escort. For two or three hundred dollars and up there can be an attractive escort ready to provide the ultimate GFE. Viva the internet.

Obviously this is nowhere the same as a traditional relationship but given the horrendous divorce rates and the associated financial disaster for the male partner, not every man wants that traditional approach these days.

Add in the horror stories of the litigious date and there is a reason that the new “realistic” sex robots are becoming a hit. Not my cup of tea but on some level I understand the sentiment.

Color me old fashioned but I still prefer the chivalrous approach. Many women do as well. I know younger women who complain that they want to meet someone their age with my values. They are not talking about beta males either.

To me life is not a business transaction but at times I can see the appeal.

Children change everything of course.

This is the one sided sentence I honed in on.

Originally Posted by sailpower

You should read what I wrote not what you think I meant.

What did you mean then? That there was financial ruin for the male partner but not the female partner? What should I have inferred?

Originally Posted by sailpower

I have gone back and reread the comments. For myself, nowhere did I use the words pity or victim nor did I state I was relating my personal experience or expressing approval or disapproval. I was not complaining about anything or being judgemental in any way. Quite the contrary. All parties involved have responsibilities and should live up them. Goes without saying I thought.

Divorce can be ugly for all concerned most particularly when there are children involved which I acknowledged in my first post.

FWIW I made no comments about which party might leave the other.

Seems to me that you are projecting a lot into my observation that men might be becoming reluctant to commit or marry given the high divorce rate and what the financial consequences become.

Given that reality and the topic of this conversation I pointed out, like some others here, that men might be pursuing alternatives. Again, I am not complaining by accurately pointing this out.

I don't know if women have the same concerns about relationships and marriage so didn't presume to speak for them. Any insight there?

I just related your statement that "financial disaster for the male partner" was a form of painting males as a victim, for which I don't offer pity, because as a broad statement it's not true. I do agree that both females and males are seeking out relationships that offer them better financial protections and/or forgoing committed long term relationships for temporary physically defined relationships.

[Gadagirl]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=1l26UFQ06eQ

[BandB]

Originally Posted by cyan

Hello WifeyB!
Thanks for the reply. This is an interesting topic for me, as I'm one guy surrounded by empowered, professional women in my office, inside an industry recently shamed by many harassment scandals. You can imagine the discussions. I'm the only nearby representative of the male gender, and well, women speak a LOT of words. (but that's another topic)

There seems to be a universal misunderstanding among this group of professional women. They have voiced the same naive view, but with even more certainty: "sexual harassment and assault is not about sex, its about power". You see that from the TV talking heads as well. BS. The power often provides the opportunity, but that misses the point entirely. Sex. It IS about sex. Men are simply wired to have sex with a variety of women. The more the better.Add a bit of power, a lack of scruples, and the lizard-brain takes over. This observation should not to be confused with an "excuse".

In a couple of years of uncensored female-chatter, I have learned all about this group's fantasies, dirty thoughts, and angst involving the female reproductive systems. However, there was one small fact that these women found shocking: typically guys (on one level) have the urge to mate with all females around them. We men have a code- we never discuss this fact in mixed company. I broke the code, but I'll use the completely-outnumbered-at-work defense in my next man-card hearing.

These intelligent women didn't believe me. They huddled, then posed the telling question: "Cy, do YOU want to have sex with all of us?"
Me: "Every one of you." Silence. Wide eyes. Re-huddle.
This was shocking. Polite me. Non-threatening me. Safe me.
Shocking.

This type of urge is (mostly) safely hidden by society. To even speak of it might put marriages and relationships at risk. Women just do not have the same urge. Sex drive, sure. Not in this way. Not in my zip code.

You can say that harassment is all about power, but power is just the extra ingredient. Women and men are different. That's okay. One gender cannot begin to fully understand the other. That's okay too.

Wifey B: I'm afraid all your post tells me about is you and it doesn't speak well of you. I don't know any men including my hubby who is constantly surrounded by women and does want many of them, as do I, who want all women. He only wants those he truly cares about or loves. Not just anyone. Guess I just spend my time around real men.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by sailpower

Most men disrespect the women in their lives?

Most men are racists?

Good grief.

Wifey B: Some really sick opinions flying by.

[BandB]

I just related your statement that financial disaster for the [/QUOTE]

Wifey B: Divorce is financially a very negative move. It's costly, starting with legal fees, but very much continuing with maintaining an extra household and incurring expenses that weren't previously incurred with a spouse.

If we were more civilized in our approach to divorce, couples would not move immediately to separate homes but continue to share expenses and co-parent, just also see and date other people when desired. There would be no need to move until one of them wanted to live with someone else.

Many couples go years in bad marriages because of the financial realities. One or the other fears that on their own they just can't make it or fears the amount of child support or, in some states, alimony.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=1l26UFQ06eQ

For those with limited data bandwidth, the above video is from the women of “Saturday Night Live”.

Point being, the widespread news of sexual harassment allegations is only "news" to those humans privileged enough to willfully ignore what all women have known, and many have been screaming from the rooftops, from the beginning of time.

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by BandB

I just related your statement that financial disaster for the

Wifey B: Divorce is financially a very negative move. It's costly, starting with legal fees, but very much continuing with maintaining an extra household and incurring expenses that weren't previously incurred with a spouse.

If we were more civilized in our approach to divorce, couples would not move immediately to separate homes but continue to share expenses and co-parent, just also see and date other people when desired. There would be no need to move until one of them wanted to live with someone else.

Many couples go years in bad marriages because of the financial realities. One or the other fears that on their own they just can't make it or fears the amount of child support or, in some states, alimony. [/QUOTE]

Most break ups are not that that amicable, but it would be nice if they were.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

Most break ups are not that that amicable, but it would be nice if they were.

Wifey B: I said "if" and "civilized". It just seems if you really loved the person, the break up should be different than most are. It also seems that we should make the process simpler and less adversarial. But then I'm a dreamer.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: I said "if" and "civilized". It just seems if you really loved the person, the break up should be different than most are. It also seems that we should make the process simpler and less adversarial. But then I'm a dreamer.

There have been efforts in that direction (in the US), the most notable perhaps being (so-called) "no-fault" divorce. More recently the idea of "cooperative" divorce has taken hold in some jurisdictions, but it obviously hinges on both parties being at least somewhat . . . well . . . "cooperative." Many if not most US jurisdictions also require mandatory mediation, and sometimes even counseling. But all bets are off if there are minor children and the parents cannot agree on custody, visitation, support, etc.

The process only becomes simpler & less adversarial when the parties behave accordingly. Of course certain types of lawyers can exacerbate, but oftentimes it seems the attitude of the party matches up with that of their attorney. Some lawyers are problem solvers while others create their own. But then some parties want to get the process over with while others want to prolong it by using the legal system to try and inflict pain or settle the score. Usually the outcome is the same, the only variable being how much the lawyers get paid and how much lasting damage is inflicted on the kids.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by BandB

I just related your statement that financial disaster for the

Wifey B: Divorce is financially a very negative move. It's costly, starting with legal fees, but very much continuing with maintaining an extra household and incurring expenses that weren't previously incurred with a spouse.

If we were more civilized in our approach to divorce, couples would not move immediately to separate homes but continue to share expenses and co-parent, just also see and date other people when desired. There would be no need to move until one of them wanted to live with someone else.

Many couples go years in bad marriages because of the financial realities. One or the other fears that on their own they just can't make it or fears the amount of child support or, in some states, alimony. [/QUOTE]

You are correct about divorce generally being a negative event as a financial matter. But what does that say about marriage!!

[cyan]

Originally Posted by Exile

There have been efforts in that direction (in the US), the most notable perhaps being (so-called) "no-fault" divorce. More recently the idea of "cooperative" divorce has taken hold in some jurisdictions, but it obviously hinges on both parties being at least somewhat . . . well . . . "cooperative." ...

The term for the California-feel-good process I went through was "collaborative divorce". Thia was actually a civilized process. However, the whole thing was only possible because the wifey was the big-dollar earner. It was in her be$t interest to cooperate, as the law (technically) sees no gender.
However, my lawyer stated that the law sees no gender but the human judges DO see gender. It was also in MY interest to cooperate. My shark explained to me that even though the LAW is gender-blind, I would NOT be treated equal in court. (the guy loses- it's just tradition)

[KiwiKen]

This thread has morphed from a series of posts surmising on the motives sexual and otherwise of men choosing to cruise alone, and the implication that many are sexual predators, and criusing alone for ulterior motives, to a discussion on those despicable alpha males in positions of power who extort sex from junior colleagues as an expression of the power of their position, and by implication, drawing a similar inference on single male sailors.

I put up the argument, that many may not be cruising alone on the hope of sexually coupling up with as many unwary innocent virginal young or not so young ladies, but cruising because that is what they enjoy and what they want to do.

Sex is a highly over rated past time, yes young people obsess over it because our society indoctrinates them to obsess over it, but when one gets older and wiser one realises that it is not the be all and end all of life, because it carries obligations and damnable costs, that frankly on reflection are not worth the transitory passing pleasures.

I have always believed in being respectful and courteous to women, even when they are obviously not ladies, because that was how I was brought up, in a strict Scots Presbyterian home, and in my so called elite and expensive private education, carefully guided by the Kirk.

I have been married for 43 years, we manage to tolerate each other reasonably well, but if either of us could turn the clock back 44 years, we would probably have taken different life parthways.
A RAF Air Commodore I used to sail with, on being introduced to my wife at a colleague's wedding, said, he always wanted to meet the woman I married, because I was the only confirmed bachelor he knew who was married with three children.

Looking at the institution of marriage, the divorce rate equates to 50%, and probably no more than one third of marriages can be claimed to be happy and successful. Really who with their full ration of marbles would rationally want to enter such a high cost risk institution.

Should my wife shuffle off her mortal coil before I do, I will become one of these single male sailors, not to prey on unsuspecting women, no matter how willing they may be to be preyed upon, but because that is how I want to live, while I am still physically able to.

The relevance of all the Alpha males who are sexual predators as an expression of their power, and who treat woman as sexual objects to be exploited, is about as related to sexual relations between men and woman sailors as lawn mowing is to sex, with this difference, if one abstains from mowing the lawns even for a few weeks, it is a far tougher job, that if one does it regularly.