I was married for 30 years. My exwife and I raised two children
to become productive and self sufficient adults. I had a career I loved. And when all that was done, the rest of it just wore out and stopped. So I hit the internet
. The happy hunting ground.
I was living on my boat
. In a marina with a Tiki bar. A retired firefighter. With free wifi
. I didn't have a bird, but I always had a pocket full of cash. Company wasn't hard to come by.
I think too many people are out there looking for too much, too soon. Every time I would read, "...seeking the last love of my life," "marriage minded," or, "looking for my soul mate;" my finger hit the "next," button. Ditto for women
who posted a whole list of requirements, prerequisites, minimum standards, etc. Regardless of whether I met the "specifications," or not. No wonder they were single
, I thought. I was just looking for someone to have some fun with.
I was merely looking for good company that smelled good and wasn't too hard on the eyes!
How about trying to find someone that looks nice, that you can enjoy a meal and a bottle of wine with? Have a conversation with? And if all that goes well, perhaps some sensual pleasure will ensue... And if that goes well, then how about tomorrow? I didn't want to hear about their life's goals or plans. Nor share my own. Or talk about my past. Or hers.
What have you been doing lately?
Who are you now? Today?
What are you doing next week?
One step at a time. If the first hour goes well, there may be a second. If the first week is fun, maybe there will be a second week. You're trying to make a new friend. Not interview for a career position. You say our deadline for true and everlasting love is next Friday because you're leaving forever and you have three more prospects to review and spread sheet? Then it ain't me, Babe. It ain't me you're lookin' for.
This saves a lot of time: I will never again be a party in a romantic relationship defined by a financially binding legal contract
. Does that disqualify me? Do you need papers? Do you need to be vested in my assets? What are you bringing to the table? If we're negotiating a contract
, I want to know what's in it for me. Besides your charming smile.
One thing I learned: NO amount of electronic anything means anything at all. I wasted hours, days, weeks even, emailing, texting, exchanging pics, and talking on the phone
only to find out in five minutes (or 10 seconds!) that we had NO chemistry whatever and didn't actually like each other at all.
So my first question became, when and where would you like to meet? Not willing to meet? next.
One of those ladies turned out to be my soulmate. And the last love of my life. And my best friend. But I certainly wasn't looking for that. Nor was she. Like me, she was just looking for a good time and willing to let nature take it's course. We have been together 7 years, now. And wouldn't you know, she loves sailboats, too.
When you find the right person, all the details find a way to work
So don't put the details first.