I love living on our boat, my husband hates it.

[Na Mara]

To me it sounds like redhead’s example is the best one to follow. Find a third way, even if it’s unconventional, one that works for you two and ignore anyone else’s opinion outside the relationship.

Me and my wife had a very frank discussion about nonnegotiables when we married. Mine was kids and a boat, hers was living in Sweden. I moved to Sweden, she co owns a boat and we have kids. Everyone is happy

[sailingabe41ds]

i will say this again...where is the op...artificial intelligence ...interesting topic but where is the op
abe

[Farawaysailor]

Originally Posted by Chotu

Exactly. I almost feel like reposting my question. Not a word about the actual situation.

We’ve tried that, it’s like pulling teeth to get him onboard for the weekend. I pack and provision, All he has to do is show up. I’m over it.
I’ve moved back onboard and it’s working. I’m happy,

[David B]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve tried that, it’s like pulling teeth to get him onboard for the weekend. I pack and provision, All he has to do is show up. I’m over it.
I’ve moved back onboard and it’s working. I’m happy,

Well relationships and sharing, mean different things to different people.

Hope it works out for you - both ....

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve been together for 20 years, lived onboard for 5, bought a house 2 years ago and I hate living on land. All of it.
My husband says he doesn’t want to live on a boat full time until he doesn’t have to work anymore ( 20+ years )
I feel like that might be too late. I love living on the boat, even though life is harder, I’m so comfortable in this space. Makes me happy. I don’t know what to do. Do I give up on living on the boat until we retire and hope I live that long and am good enough health to live and sail.
Meh.

I wanted us to see what the OP said again. It is that they were far apart at that time, but perhaps they found a workable notion for what would work for them when faced with a huge difference in comfort zones.

Good luck guys, this is not easy stuff!

Ann

PS, What if you keep the home hearth burning on the boat. Let him enjoy the convenience of life ashore and miss the things you find rewarding. He's still trying to keep it all together.

Give it the benefit of the doubrt.

Ann

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve tried that, it’s like pulling teeth to get him onboard for the weekend. I pack and provision, All he has to do is show up. I’m over it.
I’ve moved back onboard and it’s working. I’m happy,

I am glad you you ended at the “I’m happy” answer. All this compromise etc etc is only worth it if you end at a happy result.

You don't read it a lot on a boating forum, but people get tired of boating and boats and it isn't for everyone to begin with.

[aqfishing]

LADIES! I have a boat!!!

[David B]

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

.....You don't read it a lot on a boating forum, but people get tired of boating and boats and it isn't for everyone to begin with.

Very true. Any partnership is about compromise, but when the compromise is greater than the value of the partnership, then there are issues.

Let's hope this works out for them.

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Divorce him.. Mental cruelty..

[wolfgal]

my two cents:

if your couple is a keeper, then do what you can to keep it... but be sure to keep it in a fair way, i.e. he gets enough lubberlife to be happy and you get enough liveaboarding to keep you happy. Redhead gives a beautiful example of how this can be done.

if your couple is not a keeper, if one of the two of you is living a kind of dictatorship or is very unhappy, face it, do a big cards up.
if both choose to fix it, then give it your best shot.
if you choose not to fix it, end it asap and as fairly as possible.

choosing security over passion comes at a cost. choosing passion over security comes at a cost. for many, it is about determining which bill to pay

good luck!

wolfie

[aqfishing]

Originally Posted by wolfgal

my two cents:

if your couple is a keeper, then do what you can to keep it... but be sure to keep it in a fair way, i.e. he gets enough lubberlife to be happy and you get enough liveaboarding to keep you happy. Redhead gives a beautiful example of how this can be done.

if your couple is not a keeper, if one of the two of you is living a kind of dictatorship or is very unhappy, face it, do a big cards up.
if both choose to fix it, then give it your best shot.
if you choose not to fix it, end it asap and as fairly as possible.

choosing security over passion comes at a cost. choosing passion over security comes at a cost. for many, it is about determining which bill to pay

good luck!

wolfie

Good advice!

There is no thing such as the perfect partner, you just have to find that person who’s faults you can live with!

[pcmm]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

I've learned that the trick to a successful marriage or other union is to convert "yours" and "mine" into "ours".

Money and possessions most often drive a wedge into most any relationship.

I've learned this the hard way.

Men, especially, are reluctant to take this step...."what, my Corvette, is now our Corvette, nah, I don't think so...."

As in above, I don't think compromise is a solution as one party must give up something to appease the other......

It took me a while to say..."my" boat is "our" boat.....but once I took this step, the magic began...my wife took "my" boat and made it into "our" home.

Doesn't really matter anyway. In the eyes of the law, the minute you get married everything you own converts from "mine" to "ours"!!!!

[Scorpius]

Originally Posted by pcmm

Doesn't really matter anyway. In the eyes of the law, the minute you get married everything you own converts from "mine" to "ours"!!!!

Really? Perhaps in the US but not here in BC. In BC assets brought into the marriage by each party remain the property of that party. Assets acquired during the marriage are joint.

[pcmm]

Originally Posted by Scorpius

Really? Perhaps in the US but not here in BC. In BC assets brought into the marriage by each party remain the property of that party. Assets acquired during the marriage are joint.

That's the situation here in Canada. At the very least in Ontario...

[markpj23]

Wow so many flashbacks in this thread....


In 2000 while living in AZ and well into starting my 2nd career, wifey says "let's sell everything and buy a sailboat!" Took several weeks for me to wrap my brain around that, but we did it a few months later. Quit the good job, sold out and headed to FL to find the boat and head to the islands.



Life has a way of intervening and we soon ended up in FL with custody of a 7 yr old granddaughter. Got another great job and spent the next 10 years working, wishing, and looking at all sorts of boats. Opportunity knocked again when we were no longer parents, so I took an early-out package, bought a catamaran and a big 'ol RV and we headed out for adventure. What I did not fully realize at the time was that wifey had moved on from the boat idea while I was just getting revved up about it again. Finally had the boat but it was now only my dream. Add to that the coldest winter FL had seen in years (freezing while in full parkas sailing Hawk Channel near Key West in February) and the thrill was gone.



A year later we sold the boat and bought a marina in SD of all places. Had a great time building a business and doing small boat stuff on a small lake. This past year we sold the business and are now looking for another catamaran. BUT, this time we will have a land home nearby and have both forgotten about the full-time cruising life.


All through this saga we have gone from sheer joy to near breakup just because we were not in synch with each other. Getting too old to start over, and breakup was never a real option anyway.


Cruising can be great if you and your mate are truly in synch. The OP's story, my story and others in this thread will hopefully cause the dreamers to think it through. May also - hopefully - cause others to just sell up and go!