I love living on our boat, my husband hates it.

[JPA Cate]

The OP did not ever come back to this thread. Hopefully, she's out cruising.

However, SV Grace, post #11, and redhead, post #13 really did suggest a way forward for someone who finds him or herself in this position. Your partner can gofer for the mechanic in the family, for instance, so that you are together, and doing a joint task, and the genders are irrelevant for that job.

I do want to add that we've seen many men who haven't encouraged their wives to take part in the boat, who do not encourage her competence. When she is treated like a princess, she will get bored. Where is her excitement? I can't be the only woman for whom competence is a source of pleasure, that would be vanishingly unlikely!

So if your good lady is an outdoorsy woman, give her sailing lessons, don't try to teach her yourself because relationship issues will get in the way. Sailing lessons, possibly with a female instructor, and then she can chat with you about what she's learned, and apply it on your joint boat. It is definitely within the realm of possibility to spend years cruising, but as wingless pointed out, it requires flexibility, the ability to be straightforward about what you want and need. And it is not always easy. There will be times when you are not on the same page, and still must find a way to work together.

Lastly, however you orchestrate your relationships retaining what SV Grace called "the gray" is very important, way more important than what anyone outside the relationship might think of its quirks. If it works for both of you and hurts no one outside, it's okay. Although, it might bother someone's religious beliefs, and again that's between you and your Creator: the church ought not to come into it, nor the state.

It is necessary only that it work for the two of you, and you both are cognizant of each others wishes.

Ann

[Southern lady]

Get a new husband

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

The OP did not ever come back to this thread. Hopefully, she's out cruising.

However, SV Grace, post #11, and redhead, post #13 really did suggest a way forward for someone who finds him or herself in this position. Your partner can gofer for the mechanic in the family, for instance, so that you are together, and doing a joint task, and the genders are irrelevant for that job.

I do want to add that we've seen many men who haven't encouraged their wives to take part in the boat, who do not encourage her competence. When she is treated like a princess, she will get bored. Where is her excitement? I can't be the only woman for whom competence is a source of pleasure, that would be vanishingly unlikely!

So if your good lady is an outdoorsy woman, give her sailing lessons, don't try to teach her yourself because relationship issues will get in the way. Sailing lessons, possibly with a female instructor, and then she can chat with you about what she's learned, and apply it on your joint boat. It is definitely within the realm of possibility to spend years cruising, but as wingless pointed out, it requires flexibility, the ability to be straightforward about what you want and need. And it is not always easy. There will be times when you are not on the same page, and still must find a way to work together.

Lastly, however you orchestrate your relationships retaining what SV Grace called "the gray" is very important, way more important than what anyone outside the relationship might think of its quirks. If it works for both of you and hurts no one outside, it's okay. Although, it might bother someone's religious beliefs, and again that's between you and your Creator: the church ought not to come into it, nor the state.

It is necessary only that it work for the two of you, and you both are cognizant of each others wishes.

Ann

Good advice. My wife and her three sailing girlfriends recently organised a week of sailing instruction with a female instructor. They had a blast. I see more of the same next year.

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by Southern lady

Get a new husband

Welcome to the forum.

[dan104]

Myself I am working with just the opposite, my wife is ok living on the boat but only when it is at the dock. Unsupported fear of being out in water.. But that's a baked in fear that she can't get over.



We are both close to 80+/_ and this winter I am spending Dec on boat is Islands with her back at home in Maryland. I am coming back in early Jan for a week or two then back down. I am hoping that she will be lonely and take a chance to come back down with me but if not we will survive.


A few years back she spent couple of months down in FL for the winter while I worked back in MD, I was lonely but we worked through it.


Bottom line is we have to let each other live their dreams. That said Redhead, want to spend some time in Islands?

[gonesail]

i like living on a boat. but my house is now about 20' from the water. i am conflicted. but having a walk in shower .. full size fridge .. washing machine and dishwasher .. nice bed .. and a place to toast every sunrise .. is nice.

[Icarus]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve been together for 20 years, lived onboard for 5, bought a house 2 years ago and I hate living on land. All of it.

My husband says he doesn’t want to live on a boat full time until he doesn’t have to work anymore ( 20+ years )

I feel like that might be too late. I love living on the boat, even though life is harder, I’m so comfortable in this space. Makes me happy. I don’t know what to do. Do I give up on living on the boat until we retire and hope I live that long and am good enough health to live and sail.

Meh.

Change your husband?

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Icarus

Change your husband?

Marriage: You both said “I do”, and you haven’t agreed on a single thing, since.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

[Stingo]

Originally Posted by gonesail

i like living on a boat. but my house is now about 20' from the water. i am conflicted. but having a walk in shower .. full size fridge .. washing machine and dishwasher .. nice bed .. and a place to toast every sunrise .. is nice.

Buy a catamaran

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Marriage: You both said “I do”, and you haven’t agreed on a single thing, since.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Alternatively, marriage is like a 3-ring circus:

Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffering!

[justlearnin]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve been together for 20 years, lived onboard for 5, bought a house 2 years ago and I hate living on land. All of it.
My husband says he doesn’t want to live on a boat full time until he doesn’t have to work anymore ( 20+ years )
I feel like that might be too late. I love living on the boat, even though life is harder, I’m so comfortable in this space. Makes me happy. I don’t know what to do. Do I give up on living on the boat until we retire and hope I live that long and am good enough health to live and sail.
Meh.

When I was 16 I moved to St.Vincent WI .I met cruisers and fell for the dream. Well life got in the way and I met my wife (now of 37 years, She didn't have the dream...) she now still doesn't have the courage to even try and with me now 63 and evaluating my life... I wish I had tried it years ago. Because I will will always regret the missed dreams. Prob never happen now..It's a young man thing. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY sod the rest.

[aqfishing]

Originally Posted by Stingo

Buy a catamaran

Thats exactly what I did! I type this lying in the stbd aft cabin in the tropics with my wife next to me reading a book….for now….

[Cloroxbottle]

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve been together for 20 years, lived onboard for 5, bought a house 2 years ago and I hate living on land. All of it.
My husband says he doesn’t want to live on a boat full time until he doesn’t have to work anymore ( 20+ years )
I feel like that might be too late. I love living on the boat, even though life is harder, I’m so comfortable in this space. Makes me happy. I don’t know what to do. Do I give up on living on the boat until we retire and hope I live that long and am good enough health to live and sail.
Meh.

When you say "living on a boat", do you mean in a marina with good shoreside facilities while plugged in to shorepower or at anchor/on a mooring relying on a dinghy to get to shore?

[Stewie12]

The best thing about living on a boat is , if you do not like your neighbours, you can move.

[5BTM]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Marriage: You both said “I do”, and you haven’t agreed on a single thing, since.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

I have been married for almost 43 years, (to the same person) so I am often asked to give advice to those contemplating the same journey.

I always tell them to expect the first 5 years to be difficult and the following ones to get worse.

I recall a game night with a mix of married couples and bachelors.
During the usual yadda yadda one of the bachelors said that one good thing about marriage must be "regular sex."

Still laughing .....