Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 04-08-2016, 19:44   #1456
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2016, 22:03   #1457
Registered User
 
jeanathon's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: WNC mountains U.S.
Boat: 1968 Hinterhoel Redwing
Posts: 498
Re: The New Joke Thread

Thank you socaldmax, I needed that.

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
__________________

__________________
Let's ban together to ban sillycone....
jeanathon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2016, 22:09   #1458
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

I really, really, really need to make this my last attempt at political humor.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Safe to come out.jpg
Views:	114
Size:	10.3 KB
ID:	128997  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2016, 02:18   #1459
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 255
Re: The New Joke Thread

"...that wonderful self effacing humor, that was part of the greatest generation..."

no, just part of confident, self-assured people's personality
(but you're right insofar as bragging, showing off & selfpromotion is popular these days...)
__________________
double u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2016, 07:10   #1460
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern Tier, NY
Boat: Islander Excalibur 26
Posts: 228
Re: The New Joke Thread

The other day, I was driving by the bank. They must've had a promotion thing or something, they had a couple of those big blow-up bounce house type things, shaped like currency, like dollars and coins and things. There was a crowd around one, and some Mexican was like, sitting on the very top of one for some reason. Next thing you know, he's dancing in this crazy half-naked Prince costume, and singing. So I yell up and ask dude, what are you doing?! and he said it was a bet that he wouldn't do it... Anyway, I go about my way. I see my buddy, and he goes "Hey, you know any good children's bedtime stories to tell?" and I thought about it...yes, yes I do..

Juan's up on a dime, dare was a Prince ass...
__________________
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
www.excalibur26.com
CharlzO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2016, 11:51   #1461
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by double u View Post
"...that wonderful self effacing humor, that was part of the greatest generation..."

no, just part of confident, self-assured people's personality
(but you're right insofar as bragging, showing off & selfpromotion is popular these days...)
That's why I love all of those youtube videos of some punk flexing on someone and getting knocked out with one punch, or a girl beating a purse snatcher senseless in front of a crowd of cheering onlookers.

One of my favorites was the punk with a knife who tried to rob a 65 yr old retired Marine. He had 2 bags of groceries in his arms. He drops the groceries, drops the kid with 2 punches, takes his knife away, picks up his groceries and walks home like it was just another day in the hood.


That gets me laughing every time!
__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 18:27   #1462
Senior Cruiser
 
Therapy's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: Back to just the Jon boat.
Posts: 6,806
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
She asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her Teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as Well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing
The street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
Another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
Ambulance?"


God replied:

I didn't recognize you!!!!!"
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 18:38   #1463
Senior Cruiser
 
Therapy's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: Back to just the Jon boat.
Posts: 6,806
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

> A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a
> gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
> He's been checking her out since he sat
> down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
>
>
> Suddenly she sneezes, and her
> glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
>

> He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and
> hands it back.
>
> "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place..
>
> "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
>
>
> They enjoy a wonderful dinner
> together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.
>
>
> They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he
> shares his. She listens.
>
>
> After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a
> nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time.
>
>
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed.
>
>
> Everything had been SO incredible!
>
> "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every
> guy you meet?"
>
>
> "No," she replies. .
> .
>
> "You just happened to catch my eye."
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 21:34   #1464
Registered User

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central California
Boat: Catalina 30
Posts: 842
Re: The New Joke Thread

So he says I live in the neighborhood.
And she says, "I'll keep an eye out for you."

Different joke.
__________________
Bill
...........................................
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ribeye.
jongleur is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 23:12   #1465
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,614
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by jongleur View Post
So he says I live in the neighborhood.
And she says, "I'll keep an eye out for you."

Different joke.
I know the build up to that one
__________________
StuM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 23:18   #1466
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,614
Re: The New Joke Thread

Jongleur's bare punch line reminded me of this:

New crew member on a ship is sitting in the mess on his first evening when one of the crew calls out "17" and everyone starts laughing. A bit later someone else calls out "39" and gets an even bigger round of laughter. This happens a few more times - someone calls out a number and everyone laughs.

The newbie asks one of the old hands what is going on and the old hand tells him:
"We've been together for so long that we all know everyone's jokes. So we just numbered them and now we call out the number instead of going through the whole joke.

The newbie asks if he can have a go and he is told to go ahead. So he calls out "24". This is met by a deafening silence. So he calls out "13" and again is met by the same.

He asks the old hand what was wrong, why did no one laugh?

The old hand replies "It's the way you tell 'em!"
__________________
StuM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2016, 01:41   #1467
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2016, 01:42   #1468
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2016, 01:46   #1469
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2016, 01:49   #1470
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:32.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.