The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Kan't spell, apparently.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Kan't spell, apparently.

Yess, you arrrr korect.

[JPA Cate]

Sailing cutter:

"Susan's Floor". Turns out he split and the money she wanted for the new floor in the house, that became his boat.

Ann

[Tayana42]

Saw a big powerboat named "Despite Alimony".


S/V B'Shert

[Roy M]

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious
and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get
through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As
she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her
to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she
was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of
you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus
Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow
Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian
fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the
car."

[knockout_mice]

Originally Posted by Therapy

I still like AFTIKA. I chartered a Gemini with that name when I was first serious about a cat I could afford.

Sold me.

Yeah, also good, plus especially appropriate for a multihull yacht...

[socaldmax]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

[socaldmax]

A friend of mine whose last name is Hull named his fishing boat "Hull in the Water."

[onestepcsy37]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

A friend of mine whose last name is Hull named his fishing boat "Hull in the Water."

A friend of mine whose name is Charles Hull named his S2 30 "Charlies Hull".

[ontherocks83]

Saw a boat named

TIHSFONOT,

took a while to figure it out until I finally saw the name in a reflection

[jeepbluetj]

I posted in another thread, but my favorite boat name is "Unsinkable II"

Now that's just funny.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

That would rather depend on whether you got the top or the bottom half...???!!!

I was thinking vertical slice, with either the bow or stern half. LOL

[svmariane]

My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
John


P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

[svmariane]

You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered the suspect.

"And what did you steal?"

"A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject.

"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!"

"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife didn't like the color."

[svmariane]

Resolutions You Can Keep

1.) Gain at least 20 pounds.

2.) Read less.

3.) Stop exercising. It's a waste of time.

4.) Watch more TV.

5.) Procrastinate more.

6.) Start being superstitious.

7.) Spend more time at work.

8.) Stop bringing lunch from home and eat out more.

9.) Sleep more.

10.) Start a new bad habit.