The New Joke Thread

[Buzzman]

ahhhh, now the fog is clearing..... Tx

[Adelie]

I didn't get it either until somebody pointed out the OCTal - DECimal thing.

[captmikem]

A 71-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 71-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing' Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing ...'

The doctor was shocked ! You asked your neighbor ?' The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Sad to grow old

[boden36]

As an Australian I thoroughly enjoyed "Oxley Moron"!!

[Jim Cate]

Well, I thought the octal/decimal joke was damn clever and funny too. Once a nerd, always a nerd I guess!

jim

[captmikem]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

Well, I thought the octal/decimal joke was damn clever and funny too. Once a nerd, always a nerd I guess!

jim

Ok Jim, nerd wise what is this?

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by captmikem

Ok Jim, nerd wise what is this?

Hmmm... I think that must be an "or" house! Should have a red light on it somewhere.

Jim

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by captmikem

Ok Jim, nerd wise what is this?

Garbage in, garbage out.

[Wotname]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

Well, I thought the octal/decimal joke was damn clever and funny too. Once a nerd, always a nerd I guess!

jim

Me too, it's way better than the old nerdy standby:

There are only 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Epicurean]

Great one about the "OR" House, I think.
You're right: The OCT 31 = DEC 25 joke wasn't funny, but pretty clever for whoever thought it up.

I like math jokes, but it's the same when I tell sailing jokes on mathforum.com. "That's funny?"


Why did 6 fear 7? Because 7 8 9

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a
banana?
A: |elephant|*|banana|*sin(theta).


A Mathematician got a grant to prove that all horses have an infinite number of legs:
Consider a horse:
A horse has two legs in the back and forelegs in the front.
Two legs and four(fore) legs = six legs.
Six legs is an odd number of legs for a horse.
But six is an even number.
No finite number can be both even and odd.
Therefore a horse has an infinite number of legs.



Then there are chemistry jokes:

If a king farts is it a noble gas?

I'm back at high school (mentally).

OK. I have to go back to breathing MEK.

[D&D]

One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started
inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.


When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'


But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Baringa volunteer fire department composed mainly of Aboriginal firefighters over the age of 65.


To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Aboriginal firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Aboriginal old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives.. Within a short time, the Baringa old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.


The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Aboriginal firefighters.


A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Aboriginal fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'

'Well,' said Chief Billy Cokebottle, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de first ting we gonnna do is fix dem brakes on dat farkin old truck, eh!!'

[LakeSuperior]

I'm serious about this!!

[Eigenvector]

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

The eyesight to tell the difference.

[Eigenvector]

l am not sure of the year exactly and I don’t know who everyone is, but I am about 99% sure that you are in the back row on the right.

[Buzzman]

I remember seeing a huge graffiti tag on the end wall of a row of terraced houses in Newtown, back in the late seventies or early eighties....