Dealing with parents disagreement

[Marathon1150]

From experience, many parents worry about their kids forever, from the time that they are born. Noting that you are worried about their concerns suggests that they have done a terrific job raising you, but they will likely worry about many elements of the lifestyle that you intend to follow. If you can work from home you clearly have some skills and knowledge that were not easy to acquire and they should have confidence in your achievements so far and your ability to make good decisions.

If the boating thing doesn't work out, they should have confidence that you can replicate what you are doing now or something similar, or even something really different. If it does work out, they will be happy that you are happy.

If they are worried about safety, I can say with confidence that you are safer on a boat than driving a car in a city. I know this because when actuaries calculate insurance premiums for cars and boats they consider the probability of all risks to the insured property. insurance for a coastal cruising boat will be less than for a car in a big city because the risks for the latter are greater than the risks for the former. The risks increase when going off shore but by the time most people are prepared to do that, they are pretty good at mitigating most risks.

Good luck with your plans all around.

[gamayun]

You will probably never "make your parents understand." Best to get that out of your system. All you can do is assure them you're taking the lessons and safety plans seriously. It is up to them to change their minds. Just live your lives as good, caring adults.

Your English is fantastic, by the way. Had you not mentioned it, I would have thought it was your first language.

[letsgetsailing3]

Originally Posted by Andrada_123

Thank you for your answer!
The plan is: moving on the boat, gain experience for 1 or 2 years and then use it as a charter boat. Their concern is more about boating live styleand the hazards that come with it. How will we sleep, eat, work etc. We both work from home and can do it from anywhere, but they keep saying that we will eventually quit our jobs (which we will when the time will be right) and hit rock bottom with all sorts of regrets. I understand that they have life experience, but their life was very different from want I want now: work-home-kids-once a year vacation. I'm not saying is a bad thing but, now, at this moment is not what I want. If you asked me 2 years ago about how I see my life my answer would have been similar to what they lived. But I was introduced to an idea which I know will bring me alot of good experiences.

OK, based on that, I'm going to go ahead and give you a provisional "anonymous internet user" seal of approval for your plan. (provisional = "for now")

As long as you can make the finances work, go for it. But do be honest about the finances. And be honest about the boyfriend. That, for me, can be the tricky part. Because you're betting on both the relationship AND your plan. Either one will have it's challenges. And it's still not clear to me whether your family has concerns about the boyfriend. It may also be that you told your mother just a little too much, and made her worried. There needs to be some salesmanship involved here, as it's a foreign idea for them.

There will be challenges along the way, but if you really want to make it work, you will be able to. And if it doesn't work out, you'll have a good story.

Good luck. From your brief posts here, I can already tell you'll be fine.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Marathon1150

If they are worried about safety, I can say with confidence that you are safer on a boat than driving a car in a city. I know this because when actuaries calculate insurance premiums for cars and boats they consider the probability of all risks to the insured property. insurance for a coastal cruising boat will be less than for a car in a big city because the risks for the latter are greater than the risks for the former. The risks increase when going off shore but by the time most people are prepared to do that, they are pretty good at mitigating most risks.

Not that I believe living on a boat is dangerous but this is a flawed assumption.

Insurance premiums on cars presume the car is taken out and driven on average a couple times a day (work commute).

Insurance premiums on boats presume the boat is taken out a couple times per month (or something similar).

Since the vast majority of boats are not full time cruisers, full time cruisers benefit from the fact that it's too small of a segment for the actuaries to develop separate rates.

[wholybee]

My mom was very upset and worried. And to some extent, that can't be completely alleviated. My experience and recommendations are:

Discuss all of the below with them, as soon as you are able.

Reassure them of the relative safety of sailing and cruising, and that you are doing it right by taking classes and learning the safe way to sail.

Let them know that there is a community of like minded people you will be meeting and spending time and learning with. You aren't going to be alone, but will have lots of support, people of all ages and lifestyles, from young couples to rich retired folks.

Take them on some weekend sails. Do your parents like camping? Consider it a camping trip. Bring along some of your new sailing friends to meet, or anchor/raft up with them. (You might want to be selective with who you meet up with, so your parents like them.)

(very important) Keep a daily Journal, and email it out to your non-sailing friends and also your parents. The daily communication will go along way toward making them comfortable about your safety, and they will appreciate and see all you are learning and experiencing.

(made a huge difference for me) I created a facebook page for my boat, and gave my mom access to it. When I am not able to(crossing oceans), she will post my journal updates, and communicate with friends and family on my behalf. As friends and family responded to her about how amazing what I was doing was, she totally changed, and told me that while she was still worried, she was very proud, and enjoyed being part of it.

I feel that for a young couple to travel on a boat, and meet and learn from so many people, is an amazing life changing experience. It's much harder to do as you get older, until you are able to retire. So if you are in a position to do it now, I think it is a great thing.

[Franziska]

Live your dream & do it while you are young.

I have done a number of extended cruises over my life, but not the big one yet.

While it is on the horizon right now 2021/22 we hope to set off, there is another issue growing, the age of my parents.
If you are young you do not have that worry to take care of.

Secondly you have the chance to gain a vast amount of diverse experiences on a cruise which may have a big influence on your future life.

Go for it now, if you can and you are not harming the relationship with your family for good. Btw. relationships can be mended and if you are successfully cruising they might even get proud of your unconventional lifestyle.

Most of it, enjoy!

Good luck!

[Chotu]

It's all jealousy. When my ex and I first moved aboard, family reacted exactly the same way. Friends became bitter and hostile toward us.

It's all jealousy

Just forget them.

[Shrew]

Originally Posted by Chotu

It's all jealousy. Friends became bitter and hostile toward us.

It's all jealousy

Just forget them.

Funny, we're going through that right now. We're not young (50), we've talked about this for years. We finally made it happen this year and my wife's best friend, mother and sister, all wouldn't speak to her for a month.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by Shrew

Funny, we're going through that right now. We're not young (50), we've talked about this for years. We finally made it happen this year and my wife's best friend, mother and sister, all wouldn't speak to her for a month.

Strangest thing, isn't it? The hostility is what we really had a hard time understanding. You do your own thing, not affecting these people in the least, and they find every reason in the world to rake you over the coals.

Literally anyone can do this. But for some reason people get upset when you actually do.

I wish we of these people who hate new cruisers and liveaboards would post on here. I still can't understand why they are so hateful. Lost literally every friend.

Family stuck around long term but relations are strained because it does involve a lot of time away.

[letsgetsailing3]

Originally Posted by Chotu

It's all jealousy. When my ex and I first moved aboard, family reacted exactly the same way. Friends became bitter and hostile toward us.

It's all jealousy

Just forget them.

I don't think that's fair. Particularly for parents and family.

For some, perhaps. For others, they may well be hurt that you'd choose adventure over friendship. Because that is part of the choice, even if temporary. Some may take that pretty personally.

For some it's also legitimate concern for your well-being, particularly when you're young. Or old. Your youth is when you can choose financial stability or adventure, or some combination. All with long-term implications for you. When you're older, there are also implications.

What I'm saying is that it's not right to write off people's concerns, as some of them are legitimate. It's better to consider them as valid inputs to what is ultimately your decision, and your trade-offs.

[Shrew]

Originally Posted by letsgetsailing3

I don't think that's fair. Particularly for parents and family.

For some, perhaps. For others, they may well be hurt that you'd choose adventure over friendship. Because that is part of the choice, even if temporary. Some may take that pretty personally.

For some it's also legitimate concern for your well-being, particularly when you're young. Or old. Your youth is when you can choose financial stability or adventure, or some combination. All with long-term implications for you. When you're older, there are also implications.

I'm still working. We're in a marina. We're not leaving anyone in our wake, or changing what we've been doing for countless years. Yet......people are still 'funny'.

[S/V Illusion]

Originally Posted by Andrada_123

I never said they were wrong and I was right. But I didn't expect them to reject everything I had to say. At first I tried to explain, they said "ok, we understand" and when the subject came up again "god took your mind, how can you do this, you are out of your mind". I didn't thought they will be overjoyed with the idea. I just wanted them to at least be curious and think about what I want, not reject everything

Now lets hear your parents' perspective, not your interpretation.


I sailed across the Pacific as a child (with my parents). Having that experience, I would NEVEr let our kids do anything even close by themselves but I am smart and experienced enough to know 2 kids, whatever your age, dont know what you dont know.

[Ranger58]

Sounds like a lot of Fun! Your parents are probably concerned because they don't have any experience or context to evaluate the safety and viability of what your propose. And they may be concerned because they think you don't have the experience or knowledge to make that evaluation yourself. The issue is not your dream, maybe, but how you're communicating it. They might be more receptive if you focus more on explaining your plan than on your passion to follow it. For instance, whats the plan to get you both experienced, will you charter a few times to get more used to the actualization of your dreams. what kind of insurance will you need for liability. Whats your business plan for the charter- what would be your operational costs versus income.

Sometimes younger adults want to follow the passion of the dream rather than focus on the drudgery and planning to get there. By working to assuage your parents concern, you will be doing the hard work to actually make it happen. Focus to the hard parts first, if your dream survives, you'll know its right for you!

[Franziska]

One more.

If you are young, you probably have to do it in a more frugal way than some of the old salty necks around.
Personally I see that as an advantage, you learn a lot from it which you can use in your further life.

The alternative would be, chase your dream for most of your life and possibly not doing it. The result of this might be frustration.

One piece of advice though. Do NOT borrow money or take up a loan to make it happen.
Buy a boat which is sound but not to big for your budget.

Once more, good luck, maybe see 'ya out there :-)

[Riddle]

There is a good book, actually rather funny but full of good and serious advice:
Title: "Sell up and Sail". By Bill and Laura Cooper. Try to get a copy.
Read it to your parents.