Dealing with parents disagreement

[Andrada_123]

Hi everyone!

This is my first post and I'm sorry for my English (it is not my first language).
I wanted to ask all of you how your parents reacted when you wanted to "get out of the system" and start sailing.
My boyfriend and I will buy a boat really soon and move on it. He is now taking the sailing classes (required in out country if you want to sail a boat over 22.9 feet) so he is kinda inexperienced (but learning) and so am I..my mother and grandmother are freaked out.. literally.. and it's a very big scandal over and over again.
I was thinking how other people deal with this problem. How did you make your parents understand ?

Thank you

[S/V Illusion]

What makes you think you are correct and your parents and grandparents are wrong?

[letsgetsailing3]

I suppose the first question is whether you're sure you've actually thought it out. Your parents and grandparents do have some life experience. Dreams are important, but the plan has to be rational.

So what's the plan? And is their concern over the boating life style, or the boyfriend? Those are two different topics.

[DanCan]

Many people perceive boating (particularly live aboard) as somehow precarious or unsettling (emphasis on “perceived”, not necessarily is per se). I wonder what are your parents’ preconceived ideas on this regard d what fear and plans for you they have. All valid. I wonder if sailing on weekends first and gradually moving into more serious decisions would ease their minds and create more understanding.
Just my 2 (Can) cents.

[Sailing August]

Follow your own path. Do what makes you happy.
When you are old, you will regret the things that you did not do....not the adventures you did.

[Andrada_123]

Originally Posted by letsgetsailing3

I suppose the first question is whether you're sure you've actually thought it out. Your parents and grandparents do have some life experience. Dreams are important, but the plan has to be rational.

So what's the plan? And is their concern over the boating life style, or the boyfriend? Those are two different topics.

Thank you for your answer!
The plan is: moving on the boat, gain experience for 1 or 2 years and then use it as a charter boat. Their concern is more about boating live styleand the hazards that come with it. How will we sleep, eat, work etc. We both work from home and can do it from anywhere, but they keep saying that we will eventually quit our jobs (which we will when the time will be right) and hit rock bottom with all sorts of regrets. I understand that they have life experience, but their life was very different from want I want now: work-home-kids-once a year vacation. I'm not saying is a bad thing but, now, at this moment is not what I want. If you asked me 2 years ago about how I see my life my answer would have been similar to what they lived. But I was introduced to an idea which I know will bring me alot of good experiences.

[Olorin]

Many of our friends and family were concerned when we decided to sell everything, move onto the boat and sail away. I think their first thoughts were that we would be constantly at sea being chased by hurricanes into the arms of pirates. A number of friends and family said "Go for it! When you comeback you can live with us."

We did move onto the boat. We also had our doubting family members visit us and partake of the cruiser's lifestyle for a week or so. They we all very convinced that we were safe, competent, and had made the correct decision.

As a senior cruiser told my wife and I when we were where you are now "You will have more fun than you can possibly imagine.

Go for it. Plan, think, execute, and enjoy.

[Andrada_123]

Originally Posted by Olorin

Many of our friends and family were concerned when we decided to sell everything, move onto the boat and sail away. I think their first thoughts were that we would be constantly at sea being chased by hurricanes into the arms of pirates. A number of friends and family said "Go for it! When you comeback you can live with us."

We did move onto the boat. We also had our doubting family members visit us and partake of the cruiser's lifestyle for a week or so. They we all very convinced that we were safe, competent, and had made the correct decision.

As a senior cruiser told my wife and I when we were where you are now "You will have more fun than you can possibly imagine.

Go for it. Plan, think, execute, and enjoy.

Thank you for your answer and kind words!

[Andrada_123]

Originally Posted by S/V Illusion

What makes you think you are correct and your parents and grandparents are wrong?

I never said they were wrong and I was right. But I didn't expect them to reject everything I had to say. At first I tried to explain, they said "ok, we understand" and when the subject came up again "god took your mind, how can you do this, you are out of your mind". I didn't thought they will be overjoyed with the idea. I just wanted them to at least be curious and think about what I want, not reject everything

[LakeSuperior]

I think you may have spoiled your parents by continually caving into their wishes in the past else they wouldn't persist in trying to interfere with your life.

Once into adulthood, over the age of 18, your parents should weigh in unsolicited only one time. After that it is your self respect that should stop the conversation. It is their job to support your decisions.

[Shrew]

How old are you? How long have you and your boyfriend been dating?

They're age and generation cannot conceptualize a non-traditional lifestyle. (Work, family, home, roots). On the other hand, you cannot conceptualize the potential impact this will have on your life in the long run (financial security and stability).

It's not the next 10 years that are the issue. It's at the end of your life, when you're too old to sail have no equity and no life savings.


......Let the flaming begin!!!!!

[Cheechako]

You just have to go with what you want. Learn to sail and cruise, take it as it comes. You will become more experienced and you will pass confidence along to your parents as you do.
Many people try boat living and opt out after trying it. That's OK too. It's still a good life experience.
You have to "get your feet wet" to even know or pass along confidence to your parents.

I gave up a high pay job... twice... to go cruising. I'm sure everyone thought I was nuts, but you only live once. Today I'd have a ton more money if I hadn't went boat nuts, but I'm OK.

[AA3JY]

Andranda let me first say, your English is excellent. When we read your post we chuckled. We live aboard about six to seven months a year and retreat to our home when the heat and bugs drive us inside. When we learned your concern with family and their apprehension of you becoming a sea tramp I think I can understand. Maybe they educated you to be able to compete and function in today’s high tech industries? Maybe they worry you will be traveling at night and will be run down by a large ship and lost in the briny deep? Maybe after spending five years dealing with living in small quarters, rough weather, repairing everything from rigging, refrigeration, Diesel engines, electrical systems and clogged heads, you decide to return to your profession and you are now no longer current in your field?
We did not have family concern when we moved aboard because we are probably older than your parents. Maybe older than your grandmother? Our boat ownership started 30 years ago but we enjoyed boat time on weekends and vacations. It was not until I retired that we could spend months free from the working world. That does require more money than you may expect. Everything is charged by the foot of vessel length here in the states so the larger the vessel, the higher the costs.
You can fulfill your dream to live aboard and work aboard. Maybe easing into this lifestyle will let your family start to understand your desire to expand your horizons. Maybe they are worried you will sail away. That’s ok if you ensure you will come back home on occasion.
Good luck.

[valhalla360]

How old are you? How old is he?
How long have you been dating?
Do you still live with your parents?
What are your current jobs?
Have you researched the requirements to run a charter operation (it's more than posting on online ad)?
What type of boat?
What condition?
How much will it take to maintain the boat?
Are you taking out a loan to buy the boat?
What is your exit strategy if you decide you don't like living on a boat?
etc...

I see at least 3 major concerns your family may have:
- Are you ruining your potential career?
- Is the boyfriend a bad influence?
- Can you safely live on a boat?

The better you can answer these (and other) questions, the better you can calm your family about the issue. Going through the exercise of finding all the ways things can go wrong will be helpful even if you follow through and move onto the boat. It's difficult but be honest. If you can't admit the potential flaws in your plan or problems, you are probably better off following their advice until you have had time to honestly admit those issues.

Ultimately, if you are legally an adult, it's your choice but it would be foolish to ignore their advice and concern without honestly taking it into account and finding good responses to their concerns.

[mvweebles]

This is one of those times that if your kid does it, it's an awful decision and a waste of time and money - as you say, a scandal. But if it's someone else's kid, perspective is different.

I've met a few 'kids' who have taken an unconventional path - backpacking, sailing, motorcycling, etc. To whom I react: good for them for getting a rich and diverse background. Too many people take the same path.

If I were your parent, would help if I trusted you to work hard at whatever you chose to do, be mindful to reduce your risk where possible (incl keeping bad habits to a minimum), and have the comfort you could return home if/when you're ready.

If you haven't already found Project Atticus on YouTube, it's a good channel of young folks starting from scratch without too much money.

Good luck!

Peter