Dealing with Non-Custodial Parents

[NCountry]

Well heck.... I'm the "evil" step dad (and husband of Rn) in this situation so I'm gonna open my mouth. (I'm sure I'll be in trouble fairly quickly.)

To the poster that said wait to go... Everyone we talk to or read about has some quite different advice. They say the biggest mistake they made was waiting to go. Their kids were incredibly blessed by the experience as were they.

My wonderful wife is way to nice towards the "ex". They divorced because he was abusive and still is in many ways. At one point (and here's another elephant in the corner.) I had to be out of town and our newly born daughter was running a 103 fever. The "ex", when informed that the baby was VERY sick and could die if she had to be put into a car seat for a 3 hour trip, said that wasn't his problem and he could care less... (which should tell you what a wonderful person he is). There is an incredibly long list of other things like telling his son that if he didn't keep secrets from his mom then the "dad" would never have any respect for him. and I could go on and on but you get the jist of it.
Then there's something else you should know about our family. The two oldest are my step-sons from a previous marriage. Their biological father never showed much interest in them. Their mom suffered a severe mental health issue and in the process left. When she did the two boys stayed with me. My wife and her family, who deserves many attaboy's, have taken to them just like they were their very own. The oldest will complete his second year of college and already has a job waiting on him when he finishes architect school. The other one will graduate high school this spring and wants to be a welder and marine diesel mechanic. (Yeah, he'll get to see the world by boat on his own terms! I'm actually a bit jealous.)
My wife's son, my step-son, loves the boating life. But at the same time the dad keeps filling his head full of baloney about how dangerous sailing is, he teaches the boy to jump 4-wheelers on home made tracks and makes fun of him if he won't preform the dangerous and stupid manuvers his dad does. (Some piece of work huh?)
Then at the bottom rung of the ladder we have a beautiful little girl. (almost named her "whoops" but that's another story. Suffice it to say I never thought I would be a dad again at 51 years old)
Is her life to be of a lesser quality than we could provide for her just because her older brother has a jerk of a dad? Is she to be deprived of all the wonderful and awesome life experiences that would come her way if we could move aboard and travel? She's already somewhat bi-lingual because of all the kids shows that teach spanish along with english so we know she's incredibly intelligent.
So in the end I'm left with many mixed feelings due to one final piece of the puzzle. At a much earlier time I had a daughter but because of the ignorance and low life scumbag actions of the courts and her mom I didn't get to spend much time with her as she was growing up. We were deprived of a father daughter relationship because I didn't have the funds to battle in court. I told the judge I couldn't afford to hire an attorney and ya know what? He didn't give a crap and told me as much. That was the day I learned it's all the justice you can afford to buy. Attorney's and judges are the bottom feeders of the planet, making their living sucking up crap. I don't want my wife's son to be subjected to the decisions of some moron in a robe anymore than I want my 3 year old daughter or my awesome wife to have their lives ruined by some jackass that takes an oath to something as foolish as "Above all else the law". Especially when they do that with total disregard for what is right and wrong. And let's all face facts here, that's exactly what happens in the majority of cases.
I love my family and I want the absolute best for ALL of them. My wife is one of the kindest, most gentle and awesome people you'll ever meet. I'm still amazed that someone so wonderful and beautiful would agree to marry me. The two oldest are well on their way to being very fine young men. Sailing has had a considerable influence on that. The third son, the one we're having problems with his dad, is suffering terribly because of the actions of his dad, my wife is just to nice to say so. But you know what? The courts would rather a child suffer than to do the right thing and force the dad to get the psychological help he really needs. This boy would benefit beyond words from being shown that there is a giant and wonderful world out there and he's not trapped into becoming the kind of person his dad is attempting to force him to become. He gets that gentle and kind soul from his mom and he deserves to have that nourished.
Sure, we could spend a fortune in court and we might actually win in the end, but the price would be that we would have to forfeit our dream to provide something wonderful for our kids. How's that for a great choice to have to make?
So, in the end we wait. I'm healthy now but by waiting we deprive all the members of our family of beneficial experiences that they will never get while stuck on land AND we gamble that we may never get to provide those things for our kids because we never know how our health will be in the future. By waiting we may go past the day when we're physically able to go.
I know there's no good solution for us. I know we are forced against our will to wait. I also know that we may be forced to wait beyond the point where we can actually go and will totally miss the opportunity of something wonderful for our family.
I also know that my mariage to the most wonderful woman in the world and the kids we have been blessed with is incredibly important. So is doing the absolute very best for each and every one of them. I happen to believe that as adults we have an incredible responsibility to all kids. One of the things my wife and I have discussed is how we can help the those that are less fortunate than us that we'll encounter once we do get to move aboard. My wife wants to use her medical knowledge to do basic health screenings and provide basic vaccines to kids. I know we can't save the world. Heck, from my perspective we may not even be able to save/protect a kid in our own home, but we can and will continue to make a difference in the lives of all that it is within our power to help. We believe that moving aboard and showing our kids what is out there is important beyond description. Not just to them but to us also. Our problem is figuring out how to balance that against the "rights" of a jerk that isn't even human enough to set aside his own feelings and care about a helpless child when they were sick......
God Bless each and everyone of you. May your lives be blessed and fulfilled......