The New Joke Thread

[HopCar]

I went to get my vaccine shot and commented to the nurse that the spy chip must be very small to get through the needle. She agreed that it was very small. I laughed, she laughed, the syringe laughed.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

From the Cruisers Forum Community Rules:
“... We take the "be nice" rule VERY seriously! We do not tolerate ANY rudeness ...”
➥ https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ork&page=rules

Words sometimes change their meanings in weird & wonderful ways.

Nice
The adjective “nice” was originally a negative one, meaning “ignorant” or “foolish”.
Linguists track many possible origins of this word. It may have developed from the Old French version of ‘nice’in the late 13th century, or from the Latin ‘necius’, meaning unaware, ignorant.

It’s thought that it slowly became positive over time because, once it was introduced into the English language, it was often used to refer to a person who was ludicrously over-dressed. Later, this was confused with a reference to something that is refined, or to someone who was “nicely” dressed.

Rudeness (Rude)
The adjective (rude) may come from Old French ruide (13c.) "coarse, rough" (of surfaces), or directly from the Latin rudis "untaught, rough, crude, unlearned", and is also the root of erudite*. Rudeness is the noun.

Erudite: "learned, well-instructed," from Latin eruditus "learned, accomplished, well-informed"

[japawil]

[japawil]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

***

[Eigenvector]

It's a Groaner

[OutOfControl]

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, with a gun in her hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled mightily and managed to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration :

"HECK! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[MicHughV]

Admiral Nelson, always dressed to the nine's.

Prior to engaging in battle with an enemy, he would direct his cabin boy to go down to his cabin and fetch him his red shirt.

After several battles, the cabin boy finally mustered up the nerve to ask the Admiral "what's with the red shirt?"
Nelson replied " it is so if I'm wounded, none of the crew will notice the blood and be alarmed"

The cabin was very impressed.

Some time later, Nelson came across the French Fleet, turned to his cabin boy and said " run down and bring me my brown pants...

[Pelagic]

Ok

[GordMay]

[socaldmax]

Why a Maserati is so expensive...

[GordMay]