Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Carat

This might very well be the next go to online find-a-date..just kidding.

As a never been pregnant female, I would not know anything about raising a child. I can only form my opinion about it from experiences with family members and friends who have children. I want to mention that some of the women I know got pregnant to keep the man around, even though they won't admit it. Where are they now? Single or re-married. One of my male friends hooked up with a woman who had a kid, and she was desperate to hook up with a man for financial security. He said she was very aggressive about securing a future with him...it scared him. When my friend indicated there was no chance in a future, she found a different man a few weeks later and married him. When I taught high school, I had several pregnant students. Many were not pregnant when they started the school year. I was the cool art teacher, so they liked to share their life stories with me. I would say all of them ended up single once the baby was born. A few were left during the pregnancy. Either way, it was cool to be pregnant and these kids were getting attention. The need to nest is strong with young women, more so than young men. Hardwired? Yes, I feel humans are wired to reproduce. Need to secure a relationship with a man? Yes. Deceptive practices to get pregnant? Yes. I feel there is more deception than planning....in my opinion. It's not hard to remember to take a pill. Really. It's not hard to think about what you will give up to have a child and the responsibility that comes with it. Some people have such a desire to feel loved by someone, that they get pregnant to try to fill that hole in their lives. Others believe it's the religiously correct thing to do, and that's just what people are supposed to do....rules of society, I suppose. The weird one's are those of us who don't have kids, eh? Find someone, breed, get pregnant, get a house, get a car, get furniture, mow lawns, go to work, pay bills, pay more bills, too tired to have sex anymore, wash dishes...and so on. This is what the people in my life have indicated regarding raising children. However, the women who are still married to the father of their children wouldn't have it any other way. The single parents reflect back on their decisions and claim they would have waited.
Either way, each of us has our reasons as to why or why we didn't have a family. What is right for one, is not necessarily right for another.
Sorry to ramble on....

Question for the guys...what makes a man hook up with a woman who turns psychotic, yet still continues to keep the woman in his life?
One of my good friends gave in to the advances of a neighbor (who was living with a man she met online)....the guy found out about the affair and didn't care...actually he told my friend he could have her. Turns out, the gal is a raging psychotic. He has called the cops on her many times, rescued her from another situation with a man she shacked up with, and now drives her to work and picks her up. When she calls him, she drills him on what he's doing, where he's been and so on. And he claims he slept with her once. So why does he do all this stuff for her? Does he feel sorry for her knowing her sob story (which could have a movie made about it...totally F'd up).

Hi Carat, what makes a man stay with a psychotic woman you ask? Some of us have this ridiculous inbuilt sense of responsibility, a warped sense of what love is, even to point if self distruction.

We talked about hard wiring, guys at some level are hardwired to look after, care for and protect women and these traits are often abused by women.

I can honestly say I married my ex wife because I felt sorry for her (and she was hot) , some crazy misguided knight in shiny armour crap, easy to see now, not so easy to see then.

I've always thought the most powerful army in the world would be thousands of crying naked women, us tuff guys would run up to the front line feeling sorry for you, because your crying, we would be over come by the need to help, this would be combined with our need to have sex with beautiful naked women!!!!, the outcome would be we would be quite powerless and confused and you would shoot us, we don't stand a chance [emoji23]

[gamayun]

Maybe this will help: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...morally-better

People also tend to make the same choices in mates over and over again. That's why we tend to have very established thinking about what to expect from others. We're not nothing if not predictable...

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by jillf

While I'm quite CERTAIN that you are VERY, VERY manly, you are very, very wrong.

Security (financial, physical, psychological, or whatever) is achieved through planning and risk mitigation and while not exclusively masculine, I would not consider those traditional feminine pursuits. I certainly would not set sail on a boat with a captain (male or female) that did not take the security of his or her vessel VERY, VERY seriously.

And trust? Trust is the bedrock of any successful relationship (romantic, work, or friendship).

Now at least I know what the popcorn was for.
Guess I'll grab some too.
Love you more.

Security is a myth. Of course you do all you can to to obtain the future you want whether it be financial or passage making, but the reality is the future is unknown, thus security is definitely not guaranteed.
The greatest risk of all is taking no risk.

[wolfgal]

we've talked about the differences between the X's and the Y's quite a bit

we've taken this far enough for some to evoke the idea of finding likenesses

please take a moment to read what i've copied/pasted below. i think it can help to shed light on the adjectives we use to describe the behavior of ourselves and our mates:

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman.[1]

It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages": gift giving,
quality time,
words of affirmation,
acts of service (devotion), and
physical touch.[2]



Chapman's book claims that the list of five love languages is exhaustive.[3][4] According to this theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.

Chapman suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often.

He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

An example would be if a husband's love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn't perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties, because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her).

She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.

when i read this, i suddenly understood source of the frustration's i've lived in relationships.


i invite each of us to take a minute to find his/her top two ways of expressing and understanding love. then think about your partner (past or present).

for me, this is a tool we all can use to facilitate communication and understanding with our mate

Chichi

[Pelagic]

All I can say Chichi is that my girlfriend is very happy at night when I speak to her in many tongues [emoji6]

[wolfgal]

Thank you Pelagic,,
It gives me a beautiful, beautiful feeling when i learn that a man takes genuine pleasure in keeping his mate happy (and the other way around), no matter the language of love.

[daletournier]

We are so complicated. The only creatures on the planet that need to read self help books to get the natural stuff sorted.
Then again the rest can't read.

[barnakiel]

Originally Posted by jillf

Mr Love!!! Of course! Why am I not surprised??!!!

However, it's not just my relationships. Trust vs. mistrust is widely considered to be the very 1st stage of psychosocial development.

Hope that helps.

XXXOOO
Bless your VERY MANLY but nonsensical little heart.

Trust / mistrust will be the dualistic approach. I would imagine alternative pairs of 'trust / lack of trust' and 'mistrust / lack of mistrust' as viable cognitive tools.

Imagine a situation where I do not like Lady Gaga. Does it imply I dislike her? Hmmmm.

You can see my point of alternative cognitive pairings then. Mistrust is not alternative to trust and so the western way of seeing what drives our development may be false by the token of using a faulty cognitive tool.

Another factor being that my own psychosocial development was more like a psychotic antisocial arrested develpment. I never liked people and I got very early very tired with our social games of trust / mistrust / and related notions. Today I consider such games religious (=invented by the rich and the literate to control the poor and the illiterate).

I do not trust my judgements: I open the tank and check how much diesel is left. This does not mean I find it odd when some people trust their fuel gauge.

It would be indeed a very boring world if we were all the same. But if we agree on this, we must agree too that we need people who do not trust just as much as we need those who do.

The nonsensical little heart you are right about. Open to views and winds and hopefully not stone yet nor a beast in the cage of dualistic concepts. We are trained so well in the process of growing up in the society. It takes ages of ocean roaming and living on the fringes to even partly undo the damage done.

;-)

Cheers,
b.

[jillf]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Security is a myth. Of course you do all you can to to obtain the future you want whether it be financial or passage making, but the reality is the future is unknown, thus security is definitely not guaranteed.
The greatest risk of all is taking no risk.

I was responding to a post that attempted to paint the group of "WOMEN" as risk averse due to MY statement that financial security is important to me.

MY POINT was that "of course you do all you can to obtain the future you want"

Good f'ing grief. The women on this forum are SAILORS.

I'm going to STRETCH (given your post) and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are not also attempting to equate prudent security (financial, physical or otherwise) as an aversion to healthy risk taking either by me or the group of "Women"








"

[jillf]

[QUOTE=barnakiel;2508530
(...) I do not trust my judgements...) .[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't either.

Here's some advice: "QUIT DIGGING"

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by jillf

I was responding to a post that attempted to paint the group of "WOMEN" as risk averse due to MY statement that financial security is important to me.

MY POINT was that "of course you do all you can to obtain the future you want"

Good f'ing grief. The women on this forum are SAILORS.

I'm going to STRETCH (given your post) and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are not also attempting to equate prudent security (financial, physical or otherwise) as an aversion to healthy risk taking either by me or the group of "Women"








"

Did I mention anything about women in my post? Breath, relax, things will be OK.

[sailorboy1]

I wonder if this is helping the single male cruisers.

If not I’ve a bunch of women offers in my junk email I can forward to them.

[goat]

Great post ChiChi (#1024)
I didn't quote it because it was so long.

I've been living with the theory of the difference of the sexes in regards to the point system. Men don't understand everything is worth one point to a woman.
So the guy buys an expensive diamond ring and thinks "wow she's going to love this", tells his friends how many 'points' he going to get for doing this. For her that's great, but only worth one point. Massaging her feet later that night before bed, the guy doesn't even think about it, but it's worth exactly the same amount as the ring he's been saving up for for months, one point.

Sorry if this comes off as sexist but in reality, no matter how hard we try for equality, there will always be a difference in the way men and women are wired. Thank your god for that.

goat

[jillf]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Did I mention anything about women in my post? Breath, relax, things will be OK.

LOL No more doubt here.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by Exile
Like a lot of guys, I have given up trying to figure out female psychology, but perhaps some of the women here can enlighten.

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

Well I'm just a male, but that's just crazy:

1 - Women are not going to accept that you have stopped trying to understand them! They are going to see it as you don't care.

2 - They aren't going to tell you because they figure that:
a) men probably wouldn't listen anyway
b) if it has to be explained to them they are too stupid to understand

:n onono:

HA-HA-HA!! So very true, sailorboy. As your avatar says, "Don't ask if you can't handle it."