Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[Pelagic]

We cruisers are an interesting group when it comes to introspection about our own relationships and observations about others .

1....We have lots of time on watch to look at empty horizons and think about the meaning of life.

2.....We visit different cultures and observe from a "field independent" position , social norms.

3.....Because we live in very small spaces with others 24/7 we cannot maintain social masks and niceties, forcing us to be more honest about ourselves with shipmates......
That self-honesty is one of the best characteristics of Cruisers.

Maybe its time to try and summarize what we on CF agree upon when it comes to the different characteristics of a Male and Female Sailor and what they need from each other?

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

LoL Gadagirl......
I think that was your example of a relationship which I used.

No shortage of male psychotics.

[JPA Cate]

Maybe its time to try and summarize what we on CF agree upon when it comes to the different characteristics of a Male and Female Sailor and what they need from rach other?

Pelagic, et al,

I think it might be an interesting discussion, but it also is doomed to failure, because each person's needs at present have evolved from a lifetime of experience, and our individual reactions to that experience. We vary considerably in self-knowledge and will for introspection, let alone intelligence, humor, and worldly knowledge.

Okay, guys, prove me wrong! or right

[Pelagic]

Summary 1
Are the ;
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" examples of innate differences valid?
I think they are.

[jillf]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

...
Maybe its time to try and summarize what we on CF agree upon when it comes to the different characteristics of a Male and Female Sailor and what they need from each other?

I bet that would make an entertaining standalone thread. Why not start a new one since this one is soooo long?
Top 2:
Patient
Kind

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Pelagic, et al,

I think it might be an interesting discussion, but it also is doomed to failure, because each person's needs at present have evolved from a lifetime of experience, and our individual reactions to that experience. We vary considerably in self-knowledge and will for introspection, let alone intelligence, humor, and worldly knowledge.

Okay, guys, prove me wrong! or right

Yes, have to agree with Ann! Much like this entire thread it would be like herding cats. One size never seems to fit all. But why end all of the fun here?

[Olddan1943]

"Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
LoL Gadagirl......
I think that was your example of a relationship which I used.

No shortage of male psychotics."

I think it depends on who is scoring the test.

[Pelagic]

Gadagirl...A summary agreement does not mean you need to lump all ideas into one form....exceptions are also valid.....
but agreeing/disagreeing that men and women are basically wired differently, is a starting point in understanding where you base your ideas upon.

I think this thread is so integral to this discussion, that I would continue on with all the tangents it will inspire

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Summary 1
Are the ;
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" examples of innate differences valid?
I think they are.

They definitely are.

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Summary 1
Are the ;
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" examples of innate differences valid?
I think they are.

Yes. I'm very sure there is scientific evidence documenting the very fact that we are different.

Originally Posted by jillf

I bet that would make an entertaining standalone thread. Why not start a new one since this one is soooo long?
Top 2:
Patient
Kind

Agree to a new thread. This guy is long gone! But the context of this thread drift should be linked for all the previous perspectives.

Top would be TRUST.
Patience and kindness would naturally follow a persons qualities that you've grown to trust. Unless of course, you can always trust the person to be a reliable A$$hat.

[Pelagic]

I agree TRUST is number one and after 13 years my partner and I always list that feeling about each other as the glue that holds us together during any difficult times.

I'm ashamed to say that 'patience' from me is a work in progress.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by barnakiel

It is OK to understand what one person wants, expects and dreams of (makes buying Christmas gifts so much easier). But trying to 'understand women' is like trying to talk to a million headed dragon. Not going to work.

Cheers,
b.

Wifey B:You don't understand humans or women or groups because they're all individuals. However, you can very much understand an individual, your partner, if you make the effort. My hubby and I understand each other completely, perhaps better than we understand ourselves.

[dwedeking2]

Originally Posted by Olddan1943

Naaw, spend your money on booze and a larger boat.

In actuality that is how life turned out for me.

In my late forties now and my philosophy is what Ann stated. I'm following a plan. If someone wants to go with that plan then fine, hop aboard. If not then don't.

I live simple so another person wouldn't add much cost so it takes a lot of the money questions out of the equation.

Part of what I see as a potential problem is that this makes "the plan" superior to "the relationship" and in my experience people have a hard time with that.

While I do believe genetics, education,society and corporate marketing influence set gender trends, we are humans and can choose to be different. Most people are lazy and its easier just to "go along" so most fall into their expected roles.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

Well I'm just a male, but that's just crazy:

1 - Women are not going to accept that you have stopped trying to understand them! They are going to see it as you don't care.

2 - They aren't going to tell you because they figure that:
a) men probably wouldn't listen anyway
b) if it has to be explained to them they are too stupid to understand

:n onono:

It's one crazy, tipsy-topsy paradigm of a world we live in. I often find you disagreeable, Sailorboy, and now...I am in complete harmony with your response here. How can that be?

Actually, I do have a slight disagreement. For #2a, the quickest way to utter frustration between two people is to assume that the other understands the obvious. Open, non-judgmental communication is the key and it's the hardest thing to get right. Notwithstanding that crude, male-bashing comment I made in an earlier post, a friend of mine is an adherent to "non-violent communication." If you haven't heard of it, it's not what you might think from the title. Check it out

[JPA Cate]

Fritz Perls once wrote a desiderata for relationships that ended, ....."If perchance we find each other, it is beautiful; if not, it was never meant to be." I thought of that. There is a knack to the being open, because you may need to adjust bits in order to be more so.

Ann