aspiring sailor with queasy spouse - doable?

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by Cheechako

Take the course. Try to get the wife to take it.
Then charter somewhere nice. If that doesn't work, it ain't gonna work.
You can get a captained charter the first time. It seems expensive to charter but nothing like owning a boat..

+1. I introduced my wife to sailing with a captained charter in the BVI a few years ago. It was expensive for us, but we made it our anniversary celebration. That was THE event that hooked her. We now have our own sailboat and plans for long-distance cruising when I retire. She gets queezy sometimes, but overall, she loves the sailing, so the queeziness is not a deterrence.

[dannc]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

Many wives view their other halves as "Captain Bligh" on a sailboat...and mostly for a good reason....

In my neck of the woods, there are sailing classes given by women for women only. This is the way to go. Women can explain stuff to other women in ways that no man is able to....

Yes, the Captain Bligh scenario is too real, too often.

Having said that, couples can often just run afoul of each other in classes, it is a relationship thing not a Captain Bligh issue. My wife was doing something once outside of a class and I suggested she try the task in a different way. She did not try as I suggested so she struggled with the task Some time later, while in class, the instructor made the same suggestion as I did, so the wife did, and it worked. She just did not want to do it my way because it was my suggestion.

People learn in different ways and I do think there can be gender/personality related issues with learning. We have had several sailing instructors who I thought were excellent but the wife really had problems learning from one. He was great and very knowledgeable but his teaching was not getting through to my wife for some reason. The instructor knew it, and was adjusting how he was teaching, but for some reason I got it, but my wife did not. Go Figure.

Taking classes apart can be a good thing but one should be working together as a team, which should happen when a couple takes a class together.

Later,
Dan

[thomm225]

It might be easier just to get another Sunfish.

The larger boats are quite slow and boring even for adults so they would totally be a drag for the kids.

[SteveSadler]

Your opening sentence is your answer. Sailing dingys is fun! Join the local club and everyone learn on their own dingy in a group with an instructor. Friends are made, fun is had, wife sees family fun. Graduate to larger boats day sailing and club racing. CHARTER for a week in some idealic location once you've aquired the skills and everyone wants to. Only then can you hope to successfully convince the family to join you cruising. Taking the family on big boat sailing lessons is an option, but not as fun for everyone as dingys. Seasickness can be easily cured with 1/4 scopolamine patch applied hours before. Often the problem goes away with time on the water. Bigger boats and cats help ease the motion, but is not a cure.

[MicHughV]

I have been sailing for 40 years, yet was unable to teach my wife....I see this as a problem from both ends...I tend to see things with the eye of 40 years of experience...she sees it from the eye of somebody who knows little...but I get it.

Some years ago, I had a pro sailor onboard as crew. He pointed stuff out to me, I never knew or realized. I would think I had a sail perfectly trimmed, but he would tweak this that or the other..and voila, we'd pick up up a half of know of speed.

I think this is what gets most women. Tweaking a sail is almost always done by " eye". To an experienced sailor, just glancing up at a sail, will allow you to know whether to pull it in a bit or let it out, etc.

How do you teach " eye" to a woman ??

[Mike OReilly]

My spouse suffers from the mal de mer. It is a terrible affliction, or condition. But somehow my partner has managed to -- manage it.

So it is possible, but it mostly depends on your partner. S/he really has to want the lifestyle. And over time, it does seem to get easier (at least that's how it appears to me, watching my her).

There are lots of things you, as the non-suffering partner, can do to make it easier. On our boat we take turns doing all duties, but if we're on a lumpy/bumpy ride I'll step in to do more 'down below' duties. This means I'm often the one in the galley while underway, and she's more often on the helm.

So yes, it is doable. But both of you need to want it.

[singlespeed]

I have used a multitude of crew over the years. People who start out in small one man sailboats tend to become better sailors and not suffer from sea sickness. If the time necessary to learn how to sail in a small boat is not realistic for you and your family, charter a boat in the BVI's. Take along nausea wrist bands, ginger root capsules and regular pretzels, but not any over-the-counter pharmacueticals. Each day, take the boat outside the islands bordering the Drake Passage, giving the person/s prone to sea sickness a different "remedy", before leaving the anchor. Everyone has different metabolism. Just dash back into the Drake channel if someone aboard gets nauseous. Don't go outside again that day, but change the remedy the next day. Our son swears by nausea wrist bands, my wife swears by ginger root capsules and I have used pretzels, especially after a boisterous evening at the local beach bar. Alcohol exacerbates sea sickness, so lay off prior to a passage if you are prone to sea sickness. Some people cannot handle some of the side effects of dramamine or the patches and they can be difficult to find in the third world. If none of these work, golf (unfortunately) may be in your future.

[JPA Cate]

To me, part of the core question here is why is the wife reluctant? If it is just because of feeling queasy, there are many things to try to address that. If she wants to come sailing with you, but has other concerns, it is up to you to draw those concerns out of her.

If she's at a stage in her life when she is starting to face the empty nest syndrome, there may be many issues you guys haven't talked about yet...and for her, a safe retirement may be one of them. If you guys get talking and really hearing what each of you wants, you may be able to come to meaningful compromises, and ways to make what both of you want happen.

I'd like to second everything Don CL wrote. It is your responsibility to make it so fun for everyone that they are content to come along, trusting that they will have a good time.

And, to be totally honest, one of the best cures for seasickness is to find some dry land and sit under a tree: I never heard of anyone getting seasick while playing golf.

For perspective on this, I am a lifelong motion sickness person. I have found a chemical intervention that works very well for me, by trying this and that and the other thing for years. For me, sailing and seasickness sometimes occurred together -- the longest time was 16 straight days. Wanting to be with someone you love is a strong motivater. And love, of course, is a two way street and requires working at to sustain.

Ann 30+ yrs. liveabord cruiser

[billdre]

Yes, this is doable. I haven't read all the replies but I shared your situation, just no little kids. So first I live in Boston, West Roxbury to be exact. The best resource you have is Community Boating on the Charles, $200 bucks, last time I checked, gets you an annual membership with all the lessons and boat time you want.
Spend the time it takes to learn, perhaps with the child who is interested. But you need to be confident handling the 16ft. centerboard boats you learn on. Perhaps ask your wife to come along, but only once you're confident and most important on really light breeze days. That's the key. She may be a little nervous but you don't want to confirm her fears.
The key part of my advice is, once you're ready to buy a boat get something she will like. For my wife that mean a nice cabin, lots of room below and a stable boat. I went from 16ft Mercury's in the Charles River to a 28ft. O'Day that I sail on Buzzards Bay. The key was not doing what you remember as so much fun: lots of wind and water over the side and racing along at top speed. I've heard so many men tell how their wives can't go near the boat. They don't realized they are the ones that scared them off. Make initial sails, lazy and upright. Once she's been on the boat a few times when it's not healing under heavy wind she'll feel safer. It works. Now my wife who as really frightened on a 16 ft. boat in the river knows that we can be out in 20 mile an hour gusts and the boat is not going to tip over. By the way, instead of trying to get slip near Boston, come down to New Bedford the prices are affordable and it's an hour away. Or go over to Fall River on Mt. Hope bay and you'll have even easier sailing up and down Narragansett. Let your wife get used to sailing a little at a time and she'll love it too.

[goboatingnow]

So yes, it is doable. But both of you need to want it.

that's the key thing , your wife has to want this. its may not be sufficient to go for easier sailing etc.

[flightlead404]

Originally Posted by TooCoys

Queasy kid, maybe. Queasy wife, never gonna happen.

Ask me how I know.

I guess I'm lucky. My SO is very prone to motion sickness. Doesn't stop her jumping in the back of the plane (although no acro and she gets nervous in close formation), or sailing.

She just is quiet for a while, pukes, then gets on with it. I've seen her laughing and puking at the same time. Messy.

Figure out WHAT she's scared of. Is she simply scared of being sick? That's easy to deal with. Nobody judges her if she's sick. Just puke, move on.

Or is she scared of something else, and that just adds to the sickness? That's harder to deal with. Might not ever find out the real reason for the fear.

Best way to get people over the fear? Give 'em the stick/wheel or at least some job to do.

[Chris Cringle]

I have seen it too many time to be optimistic. If your wife is not enthusiastic, it is not going to end well. It will become a choice between the marriage and the boat.i suggest that you buy a day sailer or a small week-end cruiser and satisfy yourself with short-term solo sailing or sailing with newly made, fellow sailing friends.

[goboatingnow]

I'd like to start the sailing journey to get to the point where I can comfortably sail. The biggest obstacle? One kid seems on-board, the other tends to get motion sickness, and my spouse definitely is a little queasy and reluctant.

"queasy" seems quite minor , its the reluctance that's the problem

[conchaway]

Do what you want to do. Let them do what they want to do. Then meet once in a while to "do your thing". Before I got injured (not sailing), I used to love racing in rough seas. Most people don't. life is short. You only go around once.

[jpr_jpr]

Originally Posted by thinwater

To the OP.


If that was the best 10 minutes of your life, get a dinghy and learn to sail now. Obviously! Once you learn more about sailing, the rest of the answers will become more obvious. But small boats are better for learning, the cost is nothing, and who says everything needs to be a couples activity? Learn to sail first.


I really don't understand the whole "I'm really going to sail in 15 years" thing. Anything can happen, you don't really know if you'll like it, and why in the HELL would you wait 15 years to do something you love? More like "buy a dinghy this month." I would. I did, 40 years ago. And that bot taught me more about sailing and seamanship than all of the boats since (the two important lessons are "keep it right side up" and "respect the power of the weather").

At the very least I will own a sunfish or a laser. Something like that. (I just don't want to get caught under the sail if it tips over!) I'd be doing that by myself as there's no way my wife would. As for the 15 years, that's how long it will take to get a marina slip in a place I would like to sail. I need to figure out what slip size would make sense. I don't know if I'll get there, but the wife agreed I could at least pay an annual $20 deposit to get on a wait list. At worst, it would be a $300 payment to keep a dream alive. But to get to that point, I need to start to sail now and work my way up in boat sizes. In 15 years (or less) I'd like a boat with a head and a couple of very basic sleeping spots. I'd like to do coastal cruising in the new england region. Maybe figure out a way to get up to Lake Champlain. Sailing in smaller lakes around Boston doesn't have the long term fun factor for me. A lot of them are actually closed due to bacteria issues, too.



I am not sure if the wife would be on board or not, but she's at least willing to listen. We had a rough snorkeling zodiac outing in Hawaii a number of years ago (very sick) and I don't want to repeat that experience. I got our money back by noting the waves were as big as back home, which I mentioned was the setting for the newly released The Perfect Storm. I tipped the zodiac captain a lot as he was nice enough to drop us off at a beach not long after we set off. I hated doing that, but I needed to get her off that zodiac as quickly as possible. Thankfully we've had better memories on the ocean, but that one is mentioned often.