aspiring sailor with queasy spouse - doable?

[jpr_jpr]

Flashback to my youth experiencing the rush of a sunfish half out of the water at full speed. Best few minutes on the water I've ever experienced. Minutes because we tipped over soon thereafter...and our folks told us to come to shore because it was too windy


Many years later and with kids soon aging out of the house, I would like to pick up the hobby. I'd like to buy a boat eventually. So much so, I would also like to get on a marina wait list that's probably 10-15 years out.


I'd like to start the sailing journey to get to the point where I can comfortably sail. The biggest obstacle? One kid seems on-board, the other tends to get motion sickness, and my spouse definitely is a little queasy and reluctant.


Given these circumstances, has anyone else overcome a similar situation to take on sailing?


It might be a hobby I only get to do if I'm solo and I am not sure if that's realistic. The Catalina sailboats seem interesting. Maybe start with a 22, move up to a 27, and then maybe a 30 something. I'll probably get on the 30' slip wait list for that reason.



Thoughts also on the boat progression? For the first year, I'd take a certified sailing course and join a local sailboat membership to learn on their boats and see if I actually like it. Getting to the club would be a hassle, but buying a boat and discovering I never use it would be worse.

[EngineerRetired]

TBH, sounds like a real uphill battle. If mamma ain't happy.... you know the rest.

[TooCoys]

Queasy kid, maybe. Queasy wife, never gonna happen.

Ask me how I know.

[SeaStory]

Take the classes with the kid who is interested and see where things go from there.

[Don C L]

Welcome aboard jpr! First of all, where are you? I am and have been in a similar boat. The key is the whole family has to find it FUN! If it's fun, a lot of the pain can be overlooked. If it is not fun, none of the pain can be overlooked! IN my case I am lucky because the weather is usually nice, sea is usually fairly calm and we often see dolphins and whales or other interesting creatures. AND we are lucky to have a really nice place (islands) to visit about 3 hours away that has nice hiking, fishing, kayaking, cave exploring and snorkeling too. And the kids have a lot of fun looking at what weird creatures show up at night in the anchorage. So while one family member may like the sailing, another may not, but will really enjoy something else about it. YOur job, if you are to have this hobby, is to find out what everyone finds fun about being out on the sea, and sailing. Then make it as easy as possible, start slow, only go out on nice days and come back in quickly if anyone is feeling anxious or queasy at all. If folks feel like they are trapped in a torture chamber they will never return. The choice of boat really kind of depends on where you are too. But yes, start with a boat big enough that everyone can find some comfort on it, but small enough that it won't break the bank. A boat is not an investment, there will be loss, better everyone knows that up front. The thing that has kept costs down for me is that I got a good old boat that I know well, and is built well, is very simple with little to go wrong, and doesn't require much maintenance to keep her sailing. At 29' the slip fee is affordable (barely) for us too. I don't spend much on stuff for it, everything goes through the "how much do I really NEED this item" test. I shop for used stuff that is still perfectly good. (I got a big reacher sail yesterday that is like new for $300, which I will put to use in the light air we get around here. And my wife really likes the pretty colors.) Catalinas are a good choice because they sail well and they hold their value pretty well. If you find one with a good inboard that is good, but many 27s have the transom for an outboard and outboards can be good for a number of reasons, but one is that ANY diesel smell INSIDE the boat will really turn off a lot of queasy folks. (Make sure the boat smells nice inside no matter what.) And while motoring, diesel exhaust from a following breeze will bring complaints. So anyway, a Catalina 27 is one good starter possibility. There are others, but around 25 to 27 would be the sweet spot for you in getting back into it with the family IMO. Best of luck!

[jpr_jpr]

Originally Posted by TooCoys

Queasy kid, maybe. Queasy wife, never gonna happen.

Ask me how I know.

Do you at least get to sail solo or with friends?


I'm definitely skiing a lot more solo, but that was a given from day 1. Sailing would be a new thing. But if it's not sailing, it would probably be golf. The spouse has never played golf, but has gone on an occasional harbor or channel sail.


Another discovered thread mentioned "Get Her On Board", which I'll have to check out.

[TooCoys]

Originally Posted by jpr_jpr

Do you at least get to sail solo or with friends?

My spouse doesn't like anything about sailing. About the only time we ever sail is if we're invited on boats owned by friends, and we don't have to "work".

Owning a sailboat is essentially never going to happen again either, because after owning a Hunter 27 for a short time, my spouse doesn't like the heeling over of a sailboat. He also doesn't like the cave like feeling of a monohull.

I've just had to resign to the fact that anything we ever own is going to be power, unless we win the lottery and can afford a cat. A sailing cat is the only way we'd be able to sail.

[Cheechako]

Take the course. Try to get the wife to take it.
Then charter somewhere nice. If that doesn't work, it ain't gonna work.
You can get a captained charter the first time. It seems expensive to charter but nothing like owning a boat. Of course a catamaran would be good for your issues, but big and expensive.
It's nice to start small, but small is exactly what gets your wife nervous. I started with a 21, and I can tell you that 25 knots of wind seems like a gale in a little boat. She will be nervous, scared and possibly sick.

The other option is just have it your own hobby like golf, and join the local racing bunch for a while as crew.

[jpr_jpr]

Metro Boston.


I'd like to get on a Cape Cod marina slip wait list, which are at least 10-15 years out if not longer.


There would be some fun destinations around us including the harbor islands, Martha's Vineyard, Nantucket, the Marblehead area. Up to Maine or down to Newport. If the boat was trailerable and had a shallow draft, we could also leverage the Charles River, but that would preclude the longer trips mentioned.



We rented a motor boat for a half day on a trip to Hawaii a few years back that we used to snorkel, which the family all enjoyed. If we could do a similar sailboat rental in the Caribbean that would be fun. I've pushed for taking a sleeper car trip adventure by train, but couldn't convince the family. So I am not sure how an overnight on a boat would be different. The Galapagos Islands is a bucket list trip for the family so we'd have to do an overnight on a boat for that.


I'll probably join the sailing club either as a late addition this year or definitely next year. Learn the ropes and take the family or some of them on a few sails.



A motor boat doesn't interest me as the joy of having the wind powering you along "for free" is the draw. I understand using a motor is a necessary evil, too. The insight about engine fumes is a good one. I am not sure how realistic it is to fish off a sailboat, either.



I signed up for the Charles River Sailing club in my early twenties, but family and other distractions got me off course. Now that the kids are doing their own thing, it would be fun to revisit this interest. Boston Sailing Center and a few other similar clubs with a variety of boats is what I will probably pursue.

[chris mac]

There is hope. But it is slow and deliberate work. My wife gets sea sick and hates heeling. She really didnt like sailing on our "learning" boat. It was a 26' monohull on a local lake. I tended to solo sail almost always. It still allowed me to learn what I needed.
Take her and the kids out on perfect days. Minimal waves, mild, steady wind, basically no drama is the theme of the day. Let the confidence build without anything startling her. Also verbal reassurance, and often mentioning how much smoother bigger boats are. It will help her desire to upgrade[emoji56]
We now live aboard a 42' catamaran and typically cover 4-5000 nautical miles a year.
My wife still gets seasick occasionally, mostly on overnight sails. But she is alot more comfortable and confident now.
Everyone learns different ways, and different speeds. Keep it calm and keep it fun. Great destinations will help too. Incorporate something she loves. Beaches, hiking, small community markets, whatever it is she will enjoy.
Good luck, and hope to see you on the water

[TooCoys]

Originally Posted by jpr_jpr

A motor boat doesn't interest me as the joy of having the wind powering you along "for free" is the draw. I understand using a motor is a necessary evil, too. The insight about engine fumes is a good one. I am not sure how realistic it is to fish off a sailboat, either.

There are hybrid solutions. For instance, a motor sailer would allow you to motor when the kids/spouse are aboard, and allow you to sail (albeit very slowly) when its just you and friends. Something like a Nauticat or the like.

[siamese]

Originally Posted by Don C L

Welcome aboard jpr! First of all, where are you? I am and have been in a similar boat. The key is the whole family has to find it FUN! If it's fun, a lot of the pain can be overlooked. If it is not fun, none of the pain can be overlooked! IN my case I am lucky because the weather is usually nice, sea is usually fairly calm and we often see dolphins and whales or other interesting creatures. AND we are lucky to have a really nice place (islands) to visit about 3 hours away that has nice hiking, fishing, kayaking, cave exploring and snorkeling too. And the kids have a lot of fun looking at what weird creatures show up at night in the anchorage. So while one family member may like the sailing, another may not, but will really enjoy something else about it. YOur job, if you are to have this hobby, is to find out what everyone finds fun about being out on the sea, and sailing. Then make it as easy as possible, start slow, only go out on nice days and come back in quickly if anyone is feeling anxious or queasy at all. If folks feel like they are trapped in a torture chamber they will never return. The choice of boat really kind of depends on where you are too. But yes, start with a boat big enough that everyone can find some comfort on it, but small enough that it won't break the bank. A boat is not an investment, there will be loss, better everyone knows that up front. The thing that has kept costs down for me is that I got a good old boat that I know well, and is built well, is very simple with little to go wrong, and doesn't require much maintenance to keep her sailing. At 29' the slip fee is affordable (barely) for us too. I don't spend much on stuff for it, everything goes through the "how much do I really NEED this item" test. I shop for used stuff that is still perfectly good. (I got a big reacher sail yesterday that is like new for $300, which I will put to use in the light air we get around here. And my wife really likes the pretty colors.) Catalinas are a good choice because they sail well and they hold their value pretty well. If you find one with a good inboard that is good, but many 27s have the transom for an outboard and outboards can be good for a number of reasons, but one is that ANY diesel smell INSIDE the boat will really turn off a lot of queasy folks. (Make sure the boat smells nice inside no matter what.) And while motoring, diesel exhaust from a following breeze will bring complaints. So anyway, a Catalina 27 is one good starter possibility. There are others, but around 25 to 27 would be the sweet spot for you in getting back into it with the family IMO. Best of luck!

Ouch. How about some paragraphs instead of a wall of text.

[My Wind Lass]

Hi JPR, Don CL has some good advice. The others may have had unfortunate luck in getting their spouse to enjoy sailing but if done well, you can be very successful. I know, because my wife was initially very sceptical but 15 years later, we are now preparing to retire to a cruising lifestyle and it is not my dream imposed on her. She is equally anticipating it.
There are a number of things to do but the number one principle is to listen to her concerns and act on them. E.g. If she is concerned about weather or sea state, postpone. Demonstrate that you want her to enjoy sailing and be very patient. Her reasons may be fear based or a lack of social support. They may be around costs or for the well-being of other family members. Whatever they are, pay attention and try to address the root concern. If you do this and make the experience enjoyable, she will grow to enjoy the experience. Make friends with other couples who sail and go sailing together. Give your spouse every opportunity to learn and above all, do not yell or denigrate her in anyway for errors. Treat them as learning opportunities and help her grow her skills. Put her in charge of any or all aspects of an outing when she is comfortable or at least show her your confidence in her.
And if you can afford it, try chartering a boat somewhere you will both enjoy like in the Caribbean, or with some good friends. If she begins to enjoy herself, the passion will grow for both of you. If you do all this and she still doesn’t like sailing, well you will at least have had a good run.
Passion for any activity will overcome a tremendous amount of adversity so work on building the passion both for yourself and your partner. Best of luck.

[wolfgal]

i'm can sometimes get queazy on the smaller sailboats, especially the ones that bob a bit. and, yes, i've been sick, real sick a few times (though i'm not always the first person: when everyone is ill, it is only a matter of time).

anyway, i've been so sick that i've felt was going to die (and yes, two days of it, and you need to watch for dehydration! it can get bad). it is quite terrible, but somehow, as long as i know i can recover (and being treated very kindly by the skipper helps so much!), i can smile.

why? it is because i LOVE the sea in deep way, feel very one with it, connected to it. the sea (and my first language) is "home" for me. i also love boats, am nuts about boats. i also love adventure and excitement, even a good storm. i'm very prudent, but, for me, danger is something one deals with, an opportunity to use all of one's faculties. and it gets so exciting!

so for me, it all boils down to how much one loves sailing/the water/the boat/the experience/the sensations. and the cherry on the cake is sailing with really calm, intelligent and kind people. kindness goes a long way on a boat.

on the opposite end of the spectrum, i know a girl who is not a water person, doesn't have an interest/attachement to the sea, doesn't know a ketch rig from a cutter (nor care). she went out sailing with friends once, and, when she got queazy, she demanded that they turn the boat around and take her back to land. and in the end, she made them take her back. i almost fell out of my chair when she told me this: i would never ask to be taken back! what was she thinking???

and, curiously, the deepest difference between this girl and me is how much each of us needs to feel in control. letting go of control is not easy. feeling confident that everything will be ok doesn't come in a jar. with sailing, it often takes that one initial experience that is so wonderful that it cristallises in one's heart and overrides the need to feel in control.

so... my advice, give you wife a gift card for sailing lessons with the best possible teachers, in the best possible conditions, with female instructors (better success rates). let her build her confidence and enjoy it all more and more on her own (not with you). let her have as much FUN, GOOD TIMES as possible. let her get to the point where she appreciates the rush and wants more of it.

many guys end up solo on the water, so, please keep this in mind: no matter how hard you try, you cannot give her your own enjoyment or your passion. she needs to find it for herself.


good luck!

wolfie

[jlblan2]

My wife gets car sick but I have found that she has no trouble on the sailboat, including working in the gallery when we are at sea. The answer was ginger pills. If she starts to get nauseated, she just pops a ginger pill and the feeling goes away.