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Old 01-10-2018, 14:22   #16
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Re: Itís me again

Thank you all. She’s still with us under home hospice care. She’s much more mellow about it than I am. Vastly different perspectives. She sees both sides of this and I can only see mine.
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Old 01-10-2018, 15:03   #17
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Re: Itís me again

Canibul, I am truly sorry for what you and your wife and family are going through. I can only hope that you can love each other for every day you have together.

Years ago, when my mother was fully involved with Alzheimerís, I asked a visiting Rabbi what Judaism said about her soul. Was it already gone even though her flesh still lived or was her soul trapped in what her body was going through? He said, ďWe donít know.Ē But he did recommend a book (not a Jewish book) that brought comfort to many people who were going through loss like this. The book is Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, His Young Patient, and the Past-Life Therapy That Changed Both Their Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671657860..._IzPSBbBYSATEY

In much too short an explanation this book opened my thinking up to the possibility of multiple lives and that people who are important to each other cycle through lives together. I donít know if that is true but I did give me comfort to be able to see this as a stage my mother was going through rather than the culmination of her life.

I hope this can help you find some comfort too.
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Old 01-10-2018, 19:10   #18
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Re: Itís me again

Thanks for that. And it's very interesting to me. I have developed my own version of how I think things are. I had to have a spirituality or understanding of the universe that explains not only all the things I know to be true, but the things I reasonably believe to be true. None of the organized religions incorporate all of it, but my beliefs actually allow for many of their beliefs. Reincarnation, extra-terrestrials, the reported words and thoughts of our most revered prophets..out of body experiences..I had to come up with an overall understanding that allows for all reasonable beliefs.
And what you are saying about Many Lives Many Masters is extremely interesting to me. Thank you.
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Old 01-10-2018, 19:22   #19
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Re: Itís me again

All I can say is, I'm sorry you are both going through such a tragic event. But I commend you and your brave wife on being so positive and communicative through it all.
I wish I could give you both a hug.
Treasure the time you have together. I don't know if I could be as strong in the same situation, and I pray that I never find out.
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Old 01-10-2018, 19:58   #20
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Re: Itís me again

Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow View Post
Canibul, welcome back, I hope you find a sense of belonging in this forum, I know I have at times of need.

I am sorry to hear your news. I would say to you, as I have said to myself and others in such situations....

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Grief changes you, sometimes it makes you stronger. Take time to look back each year and see how far you have come, it helps.

And keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Best wishes for the trying times you have ahead of you.
Canibul, welcome back. I can only second this that Matt has written quoted above, been there done that and don't want the tee shirt!!
My wife left us a long time ago and while I cannot forget I have learn't to keep moving forward, even if slowly.
Best wishes and hang in there.
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Old 01-10-2018, 20:10   #21
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Re: Itís me again

Remember to take care of yourself. You must be strong and healthy for her.
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Old 01-10-2018, 21:50   #22
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Re: Itís me again

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. If I may offer some advice, please allow people to help you and don't feel guilty about accepting help because it makes people feel good to help out. Do get professional counseling if you can, but also let friends and family help you even if it's for simple things like meals. Consider designating one person to coordinate the help for you.

It will get better in time and I'm sure your wife wants you to live your best life, so take care of yourself. Glad to have you back in this forum.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:55   #23
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Re: Itís me again

We've rented a wheelchair accessible apartment in Colorado for the duration of her illness. This is a very fast moving cancer, called Leptomeningeal Disease. Basically it's cancer in the cerebral spinal fluid. It's considered incurable and is fatal. From first diagnosis to death is typically 3 months without treatment, 5 months with treatment. I took her to MD Anderson for whole brain radiation, and we planned on chemotherapy too, but the chemo turned her into a semi-comatose zombie for days. So her boys and I decided to forego the chemo and let her live out her life conscious and lucid and able to enjoy her final months. First diagnosis was in early May, so she's at the 5 month mark right now. She's still able to talk and laugh and is enjoying being surrounded by her sons and grandson. They are all here in Colorado for the duration of her illness.

Thanks again for all the support. I get the message, one foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out.

Kinda like throttling back to idle to navigate the shoals and reefs, I guess.

I'm spending a lot of time trying to envision life after she passes on. I figure it will take me most of the winter to sort a lot of things out. Right now what really appeals to me going forward is to buy a Nonsuch 30 and get a dog and go cruise the Bahamas solo for a while. But who knows. I sincerely hope that none of you ever have to experience this. It's like having a fresh bandage ripped off your heart every morning when your eyes open.
This has turned into a pretty morbid greeting thread! This is a boating forum. Let's just stop and go back to talking about boats. I'll go find a widower forum or cancer support forum and quit bothering you good people with my problems.

But thanks, very much, for the support.
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:40   #24
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Re: Itís me again

A few of us have been through similar situations. Whilst I cant say I understand exactly your position, I can say the feelings were pretty close.

In hindsight, I would just encourage you to enjoy what you have, take in the moment and dont worry about the future....... the future will take care of itself.. it always does.

The CF membership will be here with its various experiences, and be ready to give any advice you want and support you as you take this walk.

It is what it is. Life goes where it goes.

Keep strong..

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Old 02-10-2018, 10:00   #25
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Re: Itís me again

It is wonderful that you had the 15 years in the Turks and Caicos together before this happened. Memories to cherish, for sure. Very sorry life has thrown this at you.
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Old 22-07-2019, 21:12   #26
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Re: Itís me again

Hi y'all. Just checking in. Was searching for ideas for old sails. I have several with me, after the dust all settled.
update: Polly passed away in late October. I went off the deep end and don't remember much of November. Spent the winter in Colorado in a dark apartment drinking beer, eating junk food, watching tv all night and watching the winter outside, and the winter inside.
Things got better. I just bought a house and am slowly furnishing it. Just bought a little Miata to zip around the mountains in, and immediately violated the warranty by putting an Edelbrock supercharger on it. Zippity do dah.
Thanks for all the support. Keep the faith.
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Old 22-07-2019, 21:47   #27
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Re: Itís me again

Hi there,
We don't know each other but I just wanted to extend the hand and congratulate you on finding your way out of the FOG, its never fun being lost in it. I've been there!
Enjoy the super charged Miata sounds like fun, a bit of a James Dean vibe! Perhaps try not to PO the authorities though lol.
Best wishes
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Old 22-07-2019, 22:10   #28
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Re: Itís me again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Canibul View Post
Hi y'all. Just checking in. Was searching for ideas for old sails. I have several with me, after the dust all settled.
update: Polly passed away in late October. I went off the deep end and don't remember much of November. Spent the winter in Colorado in a dark apartment drinking beer, eating junk food, watching tv all night and watching the winter outside, and the winter inside.
Things got better. I just bought a house and am slowly furnishing it. Just bought a little Miata to zip around the mountains in, and immediately violated the warranty by putting an Edelbrock supercharger on it. Zippity do dah.
Thanks for all the support. Keep the faith.
Been there, done that, didn't like it.
Welcome back, enjoy what life serves up from now on. Enjoy the Miata, great little car probably all the better for the revamp.
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Old 23-07-2019, 00:38   #29
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Re: Itís me again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Canibul View Post
Hi y'all. Just checking in. Was searching for ideas for old sails. I have several with me, after the dust all settled.
update: Polly passed away in late October. I went off the deep end and don't remember much of November. Spent the winter in Colorado in a dark apartment drinking beer, eating junk food, watching tv all night and watching the winter outside, and the winter inside.
Things got better. I just bought a house and am slowly furnishing it. Just bought a little Miata to zip around the mountains in, and immediately violated the warranty by putting an Edelbrock supercharger on it. Zippity do dah.
Thanks for all the support. Keep the faith.
Sorry for your loss. Ive lost a spouse as well (2008) and also spent about a month in a black hole. Everybody copes differenty and it does get better over time. So, try to be concious of what you need and give yourself time.
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Old 23-07-2019, 01:39   #30
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Re: Itís me again

Just saw this, and I'm so sorry.... I lost my mother 2 months ago, not the same thing but still. Fort Collins is not a bad place, I lived there for 10 years. You don't have to own a boat to be a sailor at heart, I'm sure of it. Hang around.
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