Re: Itís me again
Roger Angell (New Yorker Columnist) whose wife died after long marriage and long illness was confessing to a therapist friend, "I don't how I'm going to get through this." To which his friend responded, "I don't know either - but you will."
When the dust eventually does settle, you will come to a place of immense gratitude that she was in your life at all and that you got to share the time you had together.
(This does take a while.)