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Canibul · 30-09-2018, 07:37

Hello fellow sailors. Some of you may remember me with this screen name. Maybe some of you once ran across my blog 2 Gringos in the Caribbean.

My wife and I lived in the Turks and Caicos Islands for 15 years. That all changed for us two years ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. It metastasized to her brain and now she only has a short time to live. We are basically just waiting and spending this time with her.
We’ve sold the house and boat and I was just sitting here wondering what I am going to do with the rest of my life, and I remembered this forum and all the good people here. So I thought I would check in and see what’s going on.
Heck I may even get another boat and go solo when the dust settles.
Anyhow, hello to all.

**weavis** · 30-09-2018, 07:47

i was actually thinking about what happened to you the other day.

Life is and sometimes its a bummer. My words dont convey my sadness for you and yours.... as a medic I deal with it a lot and after 30 some years, the sadness becomes a part of my life.

Sorry man. Truly.

**Seaworthy Lass** · 30-09-2018, 07:59

Welcome back Canibul.
I am so sorry to read your news. Words are inadequate in situations such as this.

SWL

steve77 · 30-09-2018, 07:59

What Weavis and Seaworthy Lass said.

Sorry for the news, but it is good to hear from you again.

Steve

jdazey · 30-09-2018, 08:12

It sounds like a really hard time, but being there when it counts counts for a lot.

I hope hanging around here gives you some respite.

Best,

SSgtPitt · 30-09-2018, 08:37

A very difficult time for you and your family. I wish you peace and strength.

Vasco · 30-09-2018, 08:40

A few of the old timers are still here. Welcome back. Very sorry to hear about your wife.

senormechanico · 30-09-2018, 10:50

All of above sentiments here as well.
I'd be a lost puppy without my wife of 48 years.

Canibul · 30-09-2018, 10:53

Thank you all. We actually thought things were under control with her initial cancer. She was cleared to go back to the TCI for 90 days in late April. We were planning on putting Twisted Sheets back in the water and doing a couple three months of cruising up into the Bahamas. Then things started going whacky with her vision and balance and we went from Provo to Mt. Sinai-Miami to U Miami hospital, where we got the bad news. Got her from there to MD Anderson in Houston, and then back to Colorado to try chemo.
It didn't work. She couldn't tolerate the chemo. So now we're in a wheelchair accessible apartment in Fort Collins, just basically waiting out her life. Spending time with friends and family. All three of her sons are here.

I am as complete a shambles as I can imagine. First the dog died in my arms, then my son was killed in a car wreck, and now this. People do come through this, right? I have no clue what I will be doing a couple months from now. I've been told I have severe caretakers stress and need bereavement counseling too. Life can sure turn on ya.

But thoughts of just getting a small one man boat and a dog and going back to the sea for a few years are in my mind a lot. Guess it would have to be a monohull or a trawler. Gives me something else to think about.

Thanks again for the kind thoughts. I will try not to be a wet blanket, and keep my participation to boating and island life and the sea. These are things I do have some experience with.

**Jim Cate** · 30-09-2018, 13:27

So sorry to read of your situation... something that many of us older cruisers have in our futures. Be strong, keep the thought of returning to the sea on the back burner and when it helps, turn to CF for sympathy, stimulation and a good argument.

Jim

44'cruisingcat · 30-09-2018, 14:22

Welcome back. I really don't know what else to say.

Dan GB · 01-10-2018, 02:19

Hi and welcome back. I am a newbie so for what it's worth, really sad to hear about your situation. Can't imagine what you are going thru. Best advice I ever heard is one day at a time.
All power to you

belizesailor · 01-10-2018, 03:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canibul

...

I am as complete a shambles as I can imagine. First the dog died in my arms, then my son was killed in a car wreck, and now this. People do come through this, right? I have no clue what I will be doing a couple months from now. I've been told I have severe caretakers stress and need bereavement counseling too. Life can sure turn on ya.

...

Reality is a fragile state which can change suddenly.

Yes, people do come through this. I lost both my parents, a good friend, and my late wife in quick succession.

I found talking with others who had similar losses to be very helpful. I also discovered I had many friends who had lost spouses which I never knew about. They were very supportive. I came to appreciate that I was far from the only person to ever go thru this...neither are you.

Just take it a day at a time. Do what you feel YOU need for YOU (be wary of those who are really trying to help themselves feel better...often with good, but naive intentions).

It gets easier over time. Hang in there.

PS: I dont know if it has any relevance to your wife's situation, but a friend of mine with a brain tumor, who chemo nearly killed, had his life turned around by Proton Therapy...amazing technology...no harm in asking the Docs if its applicable.

GILow · 01-10-2018, 03:41

Canibul, welcome back, I hope you find a sense of belonging in this forum, I know I have at times of need.

I am sorry to hear your news. I would say to you, as I have said to myself and others in such situations....

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Grief changes you, sometimes it makes you stronger. Take time to look back each year and see how far you have come, it helps.

And keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Best wishes for the trying times you have ahead of you.