The Sailboat Col Regs

[CaptTom]

Having been all three (sailor, fisherman and stinkpotter), and having thoroughly enjoyed the threads about the other two, I humbly submit the official Sailboat COLREGs:

Rule 1. You always have right of way. It doesn't matter whether or not you have sails up. Don't bother to look this up in the real ColRegs. It is a birthright. Since your vessel is capable of sailing (even if it seldom does) you are, by definition, better than everyone else on the water.

Rule 2. You are obligated to educate everyone on the water about rule #1. If someone doesn't flee in fear at your approach, abruptly and repeatedly change course until they're forced to put those stinking engines in full reverse.

Rule 3. Showers are a waste of our planet's precious resources. Anyone who takes one is evil. Treat them as such.

Rule 4. Moorings are always free. Pay no attention to the names, numbers or warnings written on them. If you're still unsure, slip out early before they come to collect.

Rule 5. Toilet paper found in public restrooms was left there for you to resupply your boat. Take the whole roll.