Single Women Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look

[lancelot9898]

Originally Posted by gamayun

When I find my heart rate increasing, I leave;...

I'm just the opposite, I approach. Something that General Custer once said that he always advanced to the sounds of gunfire.

Now back to boat maintenance issues.

[kmacdonald]

Originally Posted by Kerry1

Nurture and nature, not either or but both and. But that makes life interesting huh!

Yes. Personality, interpretations, etc are not always choices but are traits we are born with and beyond our control. That alone is cause for tolerance.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

I've been feeling badly that this thread has taken the direction it did, so I went back and found zeehag's post that was a turning post. I copied the last part of it, and I am going to re-format it here, after adding a colon, an asterisk, some numbers, and making #7 bold face:

"personally, i meet as many folks as possible, however, the truism is real.... the men out cruising solo are:
1) married
2) players--married or not
3) child molesters
4) stalkers
5) other criminals.
6) married and leaving wifee home .... many reasons for leaving wifee home.
7) there are some really good folks out here---many other types as well, one cannot ASSume the male cruiser is a decent person.
* i have met some really cool folks and some asshooligans.
no i wont date the men i meet cruising. i have yet to meet anyone worth my losing my lifestyle and boat for. this is always a concern for women cruisin"

It is only my sense of this, but I think it is unclear thinking to consider this a condemmnation of all men, just because what she did not insert "some" into the first phrase before the word "men".

I would like to comment further that most of us have things in our lives about which we harbor anger. I have certainly spent some time trying to forgive people for actions I didn't like during my life, but i would be silly to think I had totally rooted it out. Sometimes that anger comes out directly, but other times it kind of piggybacks on an issue, so you can relieve the internal pressure it makes without having to face up to what is really going on for you. We're all grownups here, it is up to each of us to take responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds, and this includes the necessary introspection.

Ann

Well Ann

I dont see 7 as part of the 6. It is an add on.

one cannot ASSume the male cruiser is a decent person.

So revert to the previous 6 if this is not the case.

Ive deleted the rest of this post. We disagree on this matter but thats ok. We can do that and not fall out over it at all.

Its done.

subject closed... for the second time ...

[weavis]

Originally Posted by lancelot9898

I'm just the opposite, I approach. Something that General Custer once said that he always advanced to the sounds of gunfire.

Look what happened to him...

[Kerry1]

What makes people want to sail into a solitary horizon?

I think some are just so comfortable in their own skin that it is very normal thing to do. Perhaps for others, relationships- close ones- are such hard work that they'd rather not go there. Others, like myself, enjoy being on my own- for a time- and the boat is a perfect for that. But then I hanker for the social life and enjoy company.

The boat is great for that too.

Just catching up with the young shooter in Florida, sorry to hear yet another tragedy. Thoughts & prayers to all involved- There is also a pathological loner type as it appears to be here- and somehow in the sailing community perhaps we need to spare a thought for those who are loners in an unhealthy sort of way, not by way of condemnation or derision, but simply ease their way into relating with people. Cruisers Forum can be a place where their social contact is eased by treating with respect and graciously overlook the idiosycnratic nature of some communications. It is a very uncostly way to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think of all the posts and posters I've read, Steady Hand deserves commendations for being nice. No sarcasm at all intended.

[boatman61]

Exile.. the only female owner I have dealt with refused to seek information or advice from me about the L380 I had just sailed 2000nm to Gran Canaria, choosing instead to listen to a rookie couple and advice from other ARC entrants..
She was later.. from her own posts on here.. held to ransom by the couple and the Aussie skipper that she had contracted for the ARC.
I was a short notice replacement to get the boat across from Bari, Italy as the original skipper had bailed on her.
So one could say ignorance is not exclusive to men..

[sailorcherry]

Originally Posted by Exile

At that point perhaps you'd have some tools required for the type of debate that could yield educational benefits and possibly improve mutual understanding.

Btw, I wonder if this woman is single and a sailor with her own boat. I think I could be in love.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

I would like to comment further that most of us have things in our lives about which we harbor anger. I have certainly spent some time trying to forgive people for actions I didn't like during my life, but i would be silly to think I had totally rooted it out. Sometimes that anger comes out directly, but other times it kind of piggybacks on an issue, so you can relieve the internal pressure it makes without having to face up to what is really going on for you. We're all grownups here, it is up to each of us to take responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds, and this includes the necessary introspection.

Ann

Great Post Ann and thank you for adding the punctuation for Zee......it reminds me of that cartoon posted in the Joke thread.....
Guy pointing Dr's name and title on office door.

Dr. Jones
THE
RAPIST
[emoji4]

While I very much concur with Weavis on his analysis, I will just laugh it off, rather than get angry.

Taking responsibility for our thoughts?.... Hmmm....

One of my personal philosophical governors is this exchange:

"I think therefore I am!"
Rene Descartes....
"How do you know it's you who is doing the thinking?"
Bertrand Russell

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by jlcnuke

Now, I admittedly don't have the experience to say for sure, but I was told that limiting boat size would be a good idea for single handing just because of the weight of sails etc (carrying them, swapping them etc I'm guessing it's what was meant by that). I imagine that one's physical strength would impact what size boat sails a person could reasonably lift. Sure, you could run rigging all over the boat and then I could pick up the mail for a 200ft boat by myself, but that's not what would be considered 'normal' and I think the question was asking about "averages" and/or "normals".

I couldn't say how much impact a different level of strength would affect a person's boat choice, but I'm sure it has some impact if they're not willing to make significant changes to the 'normal' way things are done in some cases.

As a single sailor my boat choices and safe traveling methods are more limited than a couple sailing together because I only have two hands to their four, I can't sleep and stand watch at the same time, etc. There's a physical difference between having one or two people onboard and it impacts things. Like two people lifting a said can generally lift a bigger sail than one person.

Is that always the case? Maybe not. A single sailor who does marathons and is a competitive weight lifter in amazing shape can probably haul up a larger sail from belowdeck than a very out of shape elderly couple, but that wouldn't be the "normal" thought.

Yes, this. I'd been trying to think about what to say to the post of "what on earth kind of boat do you weak women sail?" and not sound snarky. It just wasn't coming to me until you posted this. I have a 38-ft sloop that I sail solo. It's a big boat for many people and there's no one on here who can't say they don't have a nervous feeling or two when manuevering a boat in tight quarters. But strength? Puhleaze. It's not strength one needs, it's patience, endurance, thinking ahead, remembering the million things to do before leaving the dock, keeping fit, etc. My strength (or lack of it, if you will) factors in about .01% of the time (but that's only if you have some brain otherwise you'll brute force everything unnecessarily

[weavis]

Electricity is a wonderful thing.

Using the strength of a single finger or (toe even!) there is nothing that cannot
be lifted up or pulled down.

Then there are lazy jacks! or in mast furling.

An electric two speed winch in the hands of a playful adolescent is a scary thing when mast climbing. This I can attest to.

A boat of any size can be handled with vast amounts of electricity available. Even launching the tender.

The Volvo IP drive for total boat control, another marvel.

Upper body strength? So 20th century...

[Scott Berg]

Wow...

I just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading all the comments here.

I'm a long time cruiser, married (again and for the last time ). I know at least a dozen women captaining their own cruising boats and I'm sure there are many, many, more. I met some when I was cruising between marriages, and some now. They are out there and they are doing exactly what they want to do. Some have become friends, some passing acquaintances. All have seemed quite happy with their lot and are doing fine. Some of the comments amaze me.

One poster commented on single men sailing; in my case my wife is growing tired of longer passages and may choose to fly in to join me for inter-island sailing on the Pacific some day. Whatever choices we make are ours, just like any single female captain whose wake you might cross. I'm honestly amazed that this much ink was spent on something so obvious; some men and some women like to cruise and some like their own company. I've single handed about 20K nm and don't remember a long posting on why I was doing that????

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Scott Berg

Wow...

I just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading all the comments here.

I'm a long time cruiser, married (again and for the last time ). I know at least a dozen women captaining their own cruising boats and I'm sure there are many, many, more. I met some when I was cruising between marriages, and some now. They are out there and they are doing exactly what they want to do. Some have become friends, some passing acquaintances. All have seemed quite happy with their lot and are doing fine. Some of the comments amaze me.

One poster commented on single men sailing; in my case my wife is growing tired of longer passages and may choose to fly in to join me for inter-island sailing on the Pacific some day. Whatever choices we make are ours, just like any single female captain whose wake you might cross. I'm honestly amazed that this much ink was spent on something so obvious; some men and some women like to cruise and some like their own company. I've single handed about 20K nm and don't remember a long posting on why I was doing that????

Welcome to the insanity, Scott! I'm sure you'll be a better man having now read through it all. You do bring up a good point and that is I've met many men who don't passage with their wives or don't sail at all on day trips with their wives. It's just another facet of our society that not all partners enjoy the same things. In fact, I saw a study the other day that said if you want to maintain a healthy marriage, act more like a single. But I digress...I'm curious if your wife is OK with you taking on female crew, if you wanted to do that? I always find that to be the more interesting question about passage making and finding crew becauses it presumes that all single women wanting to crew are looking for a hook up or that all male skippers are looking for a squeeze from any female who comes on board. I have found that to be stereotypical thinking that is not borne out by real people I've met on the water. I've not even heard of that many jealous wives for that matter either.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by weavis

Electricity is a wonderful thing.

Using the strength of a single finger or (toe even!) there is nothing that cannot
be lifted up or pulled down.

Then there are lazy jacks! or in mast furling.

An electric two speed winch in the hands of a playful adolescent is a scary thing when mast climbing. This I can attest to.

A boat of any size can be handled with vast amounts of electricity available. Even launching the tender.

The Volvo IP drive for total boat control, another marvel.

Upper body strength? So 20th century...

Early in my boat owning, a friend said to me "build strength" when I said I was looking into automatic winches. Years later, his wife said to me he was just kidding. In the meantime, I have built up muscles that surprise most of my male friends and certainly inspires my female friends. I know on at least 3 occasions I would have totally ripped out my sail on the lazy jacks had I used an electric winch instead of hand cranking because I could feel that the halyard was caught.

[sailorcherry]

Ha, totally, Scott, that's what I keep telling myself, but somehow got sucked in...justifying it as a way not to procastinate on cleaning the teak.

Btw, 60' ketch, sounds nice!

Originally Posted by Scott Berg

Wow...

I just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading all the comments here.

I'm a long time cruiser, married (again and for the last time ). I know at least a dozen women captaining their own cruising boats and I'm sure there are many, many, more. I met some when I was cruising between marriages, and some now. They are out there and they are doing exactly what they want to do. Some have become friends, some passing acquaintances. All have seemed quite happy with their lot and are doing fine. Some of the comments amaze me.

I'm honestly amazed that this much ink was spent on something so obvious; some men and some women like to cruise and some like their own company. I've single handed about 20K nm and don't remember a long posting on why I was doing that????

[weavis]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Early in my boat owning, a friend said to me "build strength" when I said I was looking into automatic winches. Years later, his wife said to me he was just kidding. In the meantime, I have built up muscles that surprise most of my male friends and certainly inspires my female friends. I know on at least 3 occasions I would have totally ripped out my sail on the lazy jacks had I used an electric winch instead of hand cranking because I could feel that the halyard was caught.

Actually, YOu can feel with electric winches too if you practice.