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Old 02-03-2014, 04:55   #1
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What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

This is a recent topic on the Women Who Sail Facebook page. While I have not experienced this, it is something I have thought about. I am curious what you ladies would do? And since I know the guys are going to read this too, for the guys with partners what would you do?

What would you do with the boat if you lost him?
Would you keep the boat and try sailing alone?
Would you keep it as a stationary holiday home?
Would you put it up for sale?
Or would you just walk away?
Have you discussed this with your husbands at all?

Robyn
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:01   #2
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Nancie and I have discussed this possibility and shared our thoughts. She would sell the boat and rent a small place nearer to family. I would likely sell the boat too, but move to a far smaller boat.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:12   #3
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

I would try to keep the EndeavourCat. With twin engines, it is very maneuverable, and it is extremely comfortable. I think I would invest in an electric winch to make it easier to raise the main (we have one of those big milwaukee drill things, but right now my husband and I can raise it manually, as a team).

I have done some singlehanded daysailing in the Corsair F-24 I used to own, and when I bought the Pearson 27 in 2008, I sailed it solo from mid-Cape Cod home to Narragansett Bay. I stopped at Cuttyhunk overnight, picking up a mooring. This was in October, so the inner mooring field there was almost empty. It was a good trip, but I motored the whole way -- I knew from the survey the jib was falling apart. My husband met me at the dock in RI and helped me tie off. That is my biggest stressor -- docking. I am much more comfortable picking up a mooring. Pulling up an anchor solo is a little trickier, but I still prefer it to docking. The Endeavour has an electric windlass, and I would invest in a remote control if I were solo. I may do that anyway, at some point!

Even if I just put it at a warm dock and lived on it, clambering about a boat, I find, is good for my arthritic knees. I keep balance muscles strong and that helps keep me young.

This summer, I have the Pearson up for sale, but I have a mooring for it and I plan to practice solo sailing on Narragansett Bay until it sells, for fun and confidence-building. I have many years of experience with boats and sailing, but once I moved up from a Sunfish, I have tended to find crew for my expeditions.

I have had training and experience in maintaining boats, so I am able to keep up with the normal stuff myself.

I am not sure what Tim would do. He really loves to fish more than sail, and the EndeavourCat is a compromise boat for us -- wide stern for fishing, but overall, trolling speed is also max sustainable cruising speed and he would love to go faster at times. It has the headroom he needs, but I could see him selling it and buying the trawlercat version. Or just parking it somewhere warm to live on and buying a smaller fishing boat.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:45   #4
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Many women will have the boat confiscated if their husband/boyfriend dies.

Thats because most women are not on the registration papers as a Master.

The murder in Venuzelea in November this happened. She was kicked off the boat by the authorities as she was "only" the long term girlfriend. I think the word they used was concubine or similar in Spanish.

There are many cruising countries that do not regard women highly and when their husbands need to go to hospital, or go home, or die the whole thing can become a 'situation'.

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Old 02-03-2014, 06:51   #5
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

I will admit that the only answer I have for the questions is: I don't know.

The part of the questions my wife and I feel need to be prepared for are the related big picture of having our affairs in order in case of the loss of one of us.

So all I have is a cop out response.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:53   #6
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

cash in the insurance policy and head for the pacific...............
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:55   #7
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Yup! Ditto that...
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:56   #8
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Bit depressing for a Sunday-
My GF is registered as equal owner of the boat, and between us decided that the boat (or proceeds from sale) would go to the RNLI
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:32   #9
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pirate Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

I have great admiration for the several women of a certain age I've encountered who kept on boating on alone. But, wth, if you've already got decades aboard under yer belt, (or even if ya don't), and nothing to prove, why not kick back with the grandkids if you've got 'em? Bet it gets boring, tho.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:45   #10
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

I think many of us really don't know for sure what we would do in a situation like that. I don't like my own company enough to want to single hand and I sure would not be on the hunt for another mate within a few months so even though I've always been a dedicated sailor, I may just call it quits.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:47   #11
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Crab View Post
....................... if you've already got decades aboard under yer belt, (or even if ya don't), and nothing to prove, why not kick back with the grandkids if you've got 'em? Bet it gets boring, tho.
Time with my five year old grandson can be just as stimulating as a raging sea or as serene as a still moonlight anchorage! I think that the skills that allow you to be joyful will transfer.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:48   #12
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be depressing just a bit curious about others thoughts.

MarkJ makes a great point about making sure ownership is joint. Smart Move is legally owned by an LLC and my husband and I are equal owners. I assume that would cover us here in the Caribbean but I should look into that a bit more.

Personally, I would stay on the boat on a mooring for awhile until I sorted things out. I don't know if I would want to continue sailing without him, this was 'our dream' and I don't know how I would feel about it without him. My husband said he would sell the boat and go back to land.

Grandkids are great, but also very exhausting -- much better to live far away, visit regularly and FaceTime often. I have really enjoyed the company of the cruising community and the friends we have made. My husband and I were talking just the other day about all of the interesting people we have met since we started cruising, we both believe we have met more interesting people in the last year than the last 30 years.

Robyn
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Old 02-03-2014, 08:18   #13
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

I would keep the boat, pay for the maintenance work I couldn't do (and I think I can do a lot) and probably meet another partner. My husband is my love of over thirty years but if he dies before me I will be one of the women who loves to boat, fish, work on boats, sail, etc. I think the odds of meeting another compatible man are good when you live in the boating community. Or a like-minded woman. Meanwhile, we work on keeping our bodies healthy and safe.
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Old 02-03-2014, 08:35   #14
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

Not everybody has grandkids.
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Old 02-03-2014, 08:41   #15
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Re: What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

If I go first, she will sell the boat and get one smaller and eiser to handle. If she goes first I will keep on keeping on become a player and spend time with lots of different women.


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