What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

[Teknav]

On the other hand...either one of us will continue LEASING the float plane, with our friends. Life must go on, as it should not stop because your loved one passed on.

Mauritz

[Celestialsailor]

Although I have never lost a spouse (a few houses though), I have seen the aftermath in a few marinas. Not only is the loss an issue for the other partner, but serious illness is also. I have met 2 sets of cruisers now with ongoing cancer treatment in the middle of their adventure. It has caused them a dead stop in marinas to seek treatment. What can you do? In these 2 cases, they saved and saved, retired with one spending $200,000 on a boat and the other, close to a million. It's sad really. But their love for one another is stronger than the obstacle they face and both couples always had a smile and positive things to say. That is to say...they had hope.
Another woman here in La Paz, lost her husband, decided to sell the boat and rented a small apartment. She enjoys the ex-pat friends she has met down here.
So you see, every case is different.

[Wonderinlost]

Originally Posted by atoll

cash in the insurance policy and head for the pacific...............

+1 thumb. That's what it's for to move on.

Just wondering around with no destionation to be had.

[zeehag]

girls...make sure you are on the paperworks..... as co owner, if that is the case.

[MarkJ]

Co-ownership,isnt as important as being on there as a Master.
You can own a boat but not allowed to sail it.

Btw, ownership on my registries is by shares, so if the relationship is such that its more appropriate, but you still want to be listed as an owner, then one person gets 99 shares and the other person one share.

But co ownership is important if the relationship can handle it... Certainly would make admin in an emergency easier.



Mark

[SailPenelope]

I would keep the boat……live on it……sail when possible. Could single-hand possibly, but would prefer with sons/grandson.

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

Time with my five year old grandson can be just as stimulating as a raging sea or as serene as a still moonlight anchorage! I think that the skills that allow you to be joyful will transfer.

Of that I have no doubt, ma'm.

[BandB]

The question posed is "If" when it really is a matter of "When." One of us will go first and it's a devastating thought. Our lives, and this is true for both of us, began as they are the day we met. We prefer not to even think about the time before that. We share and do everything together, as fully equal partners. Our friends have never known one of us without the other.

So we've thought and talked about this. Our instincts are to be devastated, our lives destroyed. Yet, that is so very contrary to what we've learned from each other and so not what either of us would want the other to do. So we've made a commitment to each other that the only way to honor our spouse, our partner is through living life to it's fullest, even then.

So how practically do we achieve that. Well, we've built a group of the best, closest friends two people could ever have. These are the people we'd get our support from and that we would continue to enjoy life with. We share these friends together today and would depend on them even more.

This is a huge reason we are not full time cruisers. We spend about 2/3 of our time on the water but the other third at home, spending quality time with these friends. Also, when they can, they join us on the water. We've built a family of close, dear friends. We don't have kids but then we do as we've now been involved with first one and now the second orphanage for years. We share our passions for life and for our friends. It goes deep and our relationships with our closest friends are beyond what most people have and beyond what many might even find normal.

Would we continue some boating? Yes. But it would be more centered around our home and when our friends were available to join us. Our greatest joy of boating is all we experience together. While we would continue boating, neither of us would go it alone. Hopefully by then our friends will have the time to cruise too. Then we'll be able to combine new experiences with memories. Then it would be to say our friend Carmen or Jennifer, something like this, "Oh god isn't this just the most beautiful place. We once made love here on this beach under the moon and stars. You must see the sunrise here too. We also brought bread off the boat and fed the seagulls. That was our bribe so they wouldn't poop on us or anything while we made love.

We know in practice this won't be as easy as it is in theory. But we'd both consider it a dishonor to each other to stop living and doing the things that make us happy. Boating just might be less of our time simply in finding our friends time available for it. Maybe instead of 2/3 of our time it's 1/3. But then may we take a two year loop with two of our girl friends retracing where we'd been together too.

That's our deep commitment to each other. We're both in tears as I type this. We hope that day is decades away. But when it does come.......

[sww914]

If I go she'll keep the boat and likely hook up with a woman. If she goes I'll keep the boat and see how many drunk Norwegian girls I can harvest from the booze cruises.

[ShaktiGurl]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Co-ownership,isnt as important as being on there as a Master.

Mark

Sorry for my ignorance but I am not sure exactly where this is documented, at least on a US flagged boat. On the uscg docs I am listed as owner and managing owner. Only my husband holds a masters license. Are you saying I may need the same?

To the question: i would sell our current boat as I don't feel I could manage it alone. I would then cash out and try to go as crew in places I've always wanted to go. My husband would keep the boat, cash whatever is left and hopefully go to the places we always wanted to go. As it should be.

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by BandB

............ This is a huge reason we are not full time cruisers. We spend about 2/3 of our time on the water but the other third at home, ...............................

I like to read comments like this because it helps me focus on the diversity of our community. We just returned from a short cruise and we'll remain at a marina for a time before a longer cruise up to Maine, but we are always home. Well, not "always",- we do fly away to far places too. My point here is that the question of what to do with the boat is vastly different for many who own nothing that is not aboard their vessels. For many the decision of what to do with the boat is far less meaningful. If your boat has been your only home for all of your adult life it's a different quandary.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

I like to read comments like this because it helps me focus on the diversity of our community. We just returned from a short cruise and we'll remain at a marina for a time before a longer cruise up to Maine, but we are always home. Well, not "always",- we do fly away to far places too. My point here is that the question of what to do with the boat is vastly different for many who own nothing that is not aboard their vessels. For many the decision of what to do with the boat is far less meaningful. If your boat has been your only home for all of your adult life it's a different quandary.

For those of you who live on your boats, it combines two issues others of us face. We face, what to do with boat and what to do with home. For you the decisions are tied as one.

We've even gone so far as to discuss this with our closest family and friends. Basically ordered them if something like this happens to make sure the survivor does as the deceased would want, meaning lives and enjoys. While we don't have kids, we do have others in our lives who we love and they love us. Their love is what would pull us through. If we didn't have them, I don't think I could go on. We have friends close enough who would hold us in their arms and comfort us, who we could discuss memories with and laugh about things that happened in the past. Friends who would be there when the loneliness hit. With them, we'd still boat. But without them, neither of us would have the desire to go boating alone or just with crew.

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by BandB

For those of you who live on your boats, it combines two issues others of us face. We face, what to do with boat and what to do with home. For you the decisions are tied as one. ...............

Here again, the diversity of our community leaves me less informed. When you use the word "home" I assume this is a house. I don't mean to be obtuse, but I've never owned a house. I think of them as more simple to maintain than a boat and consider them to function the same with or without a spouse. I don't mean to be insensitive when approaching the toughts of loss, but with a house and the boat at a dock, there would seem to be less of a dire decision. Although my wife excels at piloting our vessel to and from the docks as well as sailing, she relys on me totally for the mechanical operation and maintenance of our boat. We've discussed this and she accepts that the boat would not be her home with my passing. It seems to me that those with a house and a boat would not have this dilemma or an urgency to make a decision; however, this brings me back to my lack of experiences with houses. Wouldn't the boat sit well at a dock and the house suffice with time to make a decision? Liveaboard crusiers with the loss of a spouse, particularly in foreign waters seem to have much more pressing needs.

[angelfish2]

This is an interesting scenario and one my hubby and I have discussed. It certainly can be a bit depressing but it is a fact of life. One of us will leave these shores before the other, more than likely.

We have made a step (hopefully), in the right direction by purchasing a condo with a slip in Florida. We both would like to keep Whimsy, although I think each one of us would have a lot to learn by single-handing.

At the very least, neither one of us would make a quick decision. This is something that only time could decide. Meanwhile, even though we sail as a team, we both try to learn everything we can in order to sail alone.

I must say one thing, though. From what I have learned, sailing is a man's world and my hubby would have many more friends and much more support than I would have. But I'm pretty feisty so I guess it really doesn't matter.

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Co-ownership,isnt as important as being on there as a Master.
You can own a boat but not allowed to sail it.

Btw, ownership on my registries is by shares, so if the relationship is such that its more appropriate, but you still want to be listed as an owner, then one person gets 99 shares and the other person one share.

But co ownership is important if the relationship can handle it... Certainly would make admin in an emergency easier.



Mark

This in most western countries is not an issue. A wife typically inherits all her husbands belongings, irrespective of what shares are in her name

As for master, in most countries the term "master" has no legal connotation on a leisure vessel.

Dave


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