I've been here a while and have had some fun. But I think maybe it is time to come clean.
-I'm really a 400 lb (last I could get weighted) 41 year old man living in my parents basement (how I relate to the anchor
-It's been 5 years since I have seen the sun or smelled air that hasn't been filtered through the cushions
I have been farting into for 12 years (how I can be knowledgeable about holding tank
- I haven't been able to fit into the shower
for a long time (how I know about boat shower
sizes) and yet I still mostly try to clean between my folds every few days (how I know about boat water
- My parents (who are like the water
cops) have tried to control my bathroom happens, so I have taken to using a bucket (bet lots of you understand this).
- The cockroaches down here in the saloon
(my basement) have gotten bad lately so I got a BB gun to shoot them (my expertise for gun threads).
- Sometime my Twinkie falls off when I cough and my belly bounces the table (like a storm wave) and falls on the floor.
- I can't really get the twinkie by reaching down (like trying to get the last can of spam out of a boat locker) so I came up with a little hook on a piece of string and it took many tries to find the right hook (my anchor
- Last night I was on the CB radio
using my phone GPS
app to send truckers down the wrong road (I'm a navigational genius).
- The finish on my computer has worn off and it gets crusty from the food
that falls out of my mouth and folds so I have taken to spraying various things on it to stop the growth (my knowledge of bottom fouling), but nothing seems to work
in the long haul and my Mom comes by once in a while and just scrapes it off.
- Last week a water pipe started dripping on my head
and I had to call 911 to get help. I was surprised about how many questions they asked before they were willing to send help, but in the end it was a good thing I knew flooding procedures and where I was.
- And let's not even start talking about mold
, you boat people don't really know anything about mold
- The batteries
I use for my toys (including the very personal ones) die too often and I just can't get the good ones. So I got these cheap
rechargeable ones, but since I'm not allowed to use the house electrical
I had to find a renewable green way to do it. I solved
it by hooking up a hose to "you know where" and using my massive farts to turn a little "wind" generator
. It works well but is very dependent on what I had to eat that day (it was a lot and the beans really help).
- I have tried to get female company to share my adventure. But when they find out what I am really like they run up the stairs to get away (bet some boaters how about this one).
Maybe now that I've come out of the basement others here will also. I bet we all would benefit from lessons learned by each other to improve our basement experience.