The Dream Has Died

[ponderings]

For 25 years now, I've had some sailboat or another. They've been getting bigger and bigger.

I built my nearly finished, most recent boat myself. It's one of the top boats of its kind in the world. Not joking. It's a performance boat.

I recently also bought a boat to flip. I haven't been out in years because it takes years to build a boat. I went out with the boat I bought to flip and it just wasn't fun. Building the boat has turned me off on nearly all manual labor. It used to be fun to create things by building them for me. After building a boat, I no longer feel enjoyment or satisfaction from doing any repair work, modifications or systems on boats. Or on land.

I didn't really enjoy sailing on this trip on the boat I bought to flip. I didn't feel like I wanted to battle bad weather, rough seas and all the things to repair and that will break taking a boat around the world to see things. I was thinking I want to see Switzerland too. Can't sail there.

I'm burnt out.

However, I'm comfortable at the dock with the boat I bought to flip. It's finished inside and roomy. Feels like a house. The wife wants to keep the new boat I built and spend the time finishing the inside. Thousands of hours (and dollars) to get it all nice inside. She doesn't like the boat I'm flipping to be ours. She has no experience on boats and prefers (of course) the super nice new boat. At the same time, I realized that what I have always liked about boats was the solitude. It's very private. You're on your own without annoying neighbors. Feels great to me. Plus, you can move it if you don't like your surroundings.

I'm feeling comfortable on the boat I bought to flip. I don't want to build out anything. Just fix the occasional pump here or there that needs fixing or things like that. But the wife wants to have the new boat finished.

In any case, I have come to a huge realization.

The dream of sailing a boat to various countries around the world and traveling has died for me. It's just too hard. I'm not up for the challenge, given all the other challenges in life. I'm also barely up for the challenge of building out the interior of the new boat I built. I'm thinking of (GASP!!) converting the new boat I built to be a highly efficient powerboat with all the conveniences. Generator, air conditioning and heat, unlimited hot water, watermaker etc.

I'm starting to see boats as less of a traveling adventure and handyman thing and as more of a (GASP AGAIN!!) condo I can put wherever I want, moving it with the seasons for maximum comfort.

Now, I can certainly take the seamanship I've learned over all these decades and apply it to this high performance powerboat condo I'm thinking of. I can also say this boat I built is very capable of world cruising. But, -I'M- not capable of world cruising anymore. I just don't have it in me. I'm tired. I'm done. Boats are starting to bore me. Sailing is boring me.

Has anyone here ever come to this point after decades of doing the same thing? Do you ever dream of living in the mountains? Of seeing all the stuff we can't see because we're on boats? Of driving around to all sorts of towns and natural wonders that we can't see because we're always in a harbor, in an anchorage, in the water and by the beach?

I'm looking for any comments at all that might help me make sense of this sudden loss of the dream. For me, it's over. I want to see the world but I don't want to spend extra decades fighting to do it. Fighting to get a boat ready (never seems to be), fighting the weather and elements and fighting the fact that a lot of things are made poorly and break quickly in the marine world.

Time and time again we hear "just go now, life is too short." Well, life IS too short. Too short to spend decades getting to destinations I can get to in hours by plane or at least in days by RV.

I think I'd like to RV around the world so I can actually see it, which gives some of the same opportunities for the solitude, but not nearly in the same dosage of solitude a boat provides.

Is this just because I'm getting older? I'm approaching 50.