Tearing Me Apart

[Minga]

I would like to know from anyone out there who maybe have been in my situation or close to the same.
The story:
I have nobody left, but my dog Penny.
I have 3 bedroom house and some land to look after. I do love my house. I have put some work on it and is on the market right now.
My dream, travel and see places before i cannot any longer look after my self.
But, i am scared stiff. On one hand i would love to stay where i am, on another i want to explore some places. Logic tell me go. My emotions telling me stay.
Before my pension kicks in i have 5 years and will rely on my small savings and the sale of my house.
If you experienced something like this before, what how did you manage your emotions (unfortunately my "friends" always saying " you the only one who can make this decision".
What was the point in which you abounded your doubts and make the step ?

John

[skipmac]

If you go sailing and you are in fear the whole time I do not think it will be an enjoyable experience.

Perhaps you should look at what you fear or the cause of the fear and then you could be able to face the fear and overcome it. To me, managing the fear means it is still there and still effecting your life. Confronting and overcoming the fear means it is gone.

So are you afraid of leaving your comfort zone? Are you afraid of your ability to sail the boat? When you think about going cruising what part of the thought causes the fear?

When you figure that out, then look at it to see if it is justified and, if so, what you can do to remove the cause.

It could be that cruising isn't for you. There are plenty of people that are better off and happiest on land, including some that are out cruising. If that's the case, enjoy where you are and who you are.

[Mimsy]

Rather than blab on and on, I'll share with you one of my favorite quotes because I think it says it all- "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"...Mary Oliver.

So, what do you plan to do with it?

[imagine2frolic]

I was, and have been asked many times if I am ever afraid at sea. My answer has been yes, but what really scared me is living with what if's, and never leaving the dock........i2f

[Jamel]

If you want to go try crewing with more conservative sailor....gently does it type!

Next point is managing fear...it's inside your head only...I've often quoted to myself when the proverbial hits the fan, " feel the fear and do it anyway"! There are books on that very subject.....read & do some studying!

Lastly, regrets for things we have done may fade in time but regrets for things not done are inconsolable! S J Harris.

Think about it....life is for living, just do it!!

[David M]

A little fear is a healthy thing. It creates respect for something that can take your life. It's a matter of how you manage your fear.

[zeehag]

minga--i ran away from home 2 times before i got my formosa out and about---was very therapeutic...made me wanna be sailing even more than i had before. so i left. now i can fix this beastie in many exotic places and be other places than where i was and have new places to splore and new faces to talk with....could be an option fo ryou as well---just find the right boat in which to sail and have fun.

[Charlie]

John:

Can youkeep the house for a year? Rent it out live off of the income and sail. See if you like it. It isn't for everyone. There are lots of people who have boats and need crew.

[Tori]

The question is what are you afraid of? Is it letting go of the "normal" life and all the things that entails? Or is it fear of the unknown?

[Chief Engineer]

One thing you will be happy about....smaller wardobe and not all that "stuff"

[Boracay]

If I were in your place I'd be petrified too.

If I understand your position you're planning on selling your only major asset, your house, at the bottom of the market to risk it all on an adventure that you know little about.

How about, before you do anything else, you do some very serious budget planning. Or, as a wise old bank manager said to me, "If we turned you upside down and shook you how much money would fall out of your pockets?"

You should end up with two figures:- 1) the money you'll have if you sell the house and 2) The money you'll have if you don't sell the house.

If the money from 2), what you'll have if you don't sell the house, is enough to buy a budget coastal cruiser or better, and your house can be rented for income or to cover any loan leaving a livable income then this could be considered as an exercisable option. If it all goes belly up you'll have something to fall back on.

If you have to sell your only asset to buy a boat and to cover day to day expenses then this is a story that may not have a happy ending. Could you end up living on the street?

And the old hippy saying: "Your paranoia is always justified!"

[eoffermann]

You CAN do it. And you SHOULD do it.

I'm going to take a somewhat contrarian position to a lot of the responses where folks are mostly reinforcing your feers.

Shortly after I had to put my mom into a nursing home because of her advancing Alzheimer's and decreased mobility, I was talking to her about some travelling I was about to do. I was moving from Florida to California and making a big road trip out of it in the process, and mentioned that I was going to the Grand Canyon on the way.

She said "Ohhhh! I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. I guess I'll never get to, now."

She was 72. And she's right: in her condition, there is simply no taking her to the Grand Canyon. Now, just a couple years later, it's impossible to even take her on a car ride.

Don't put off living because of fear. Don't ask yourself if you SHOULD do it - work out how you CAN do it. Most things can be accomplished, and once you're off cruising, it's surprising how cheaply you can live. There are lots of tips on this site for how to keep your expenses minimal while cruising. You *can* do it, and if you're dreaming of it, you *should* do it. The question isn't whether or not you should, it's how you should go about it: and the latter has tons of resources for how to make it happen.

[ozskipper]

Toss a coin on it.. .You will know the answer before the coin hits the ground.

I assume you are a competant sailor. If not, go get some experience and do some classes to raise your knowledge base and increase your confidence. Confidence, unless aquired by idiocy,can only be raised through experience and knowledge. So your lack of confidence at this point proves your not an idiot. Thats a good thing.

I am in the same boat at the moment. I am busting to leave everything behind. I have family commitments for the next couple of years, then I am selling the business, the cars and everything else and heading off. The frustration is killing me.

[Boracay]

On of my friends from long long ago died a little while back. He lived by himself in a house he owned that, even by today's standards was worth quite a bit.

He was pretty fussy about the company he kept, drank rather more than he should, probably didn't look after himself, and the house had a tin roof during the hot Australian Summer.

My feeling is that had he sold the house he could have had any life he liked, almost anywhere in the world. Might even still be alive.

So I'm not saying "Don't go for it.".

Just be careful. Consider the consequences of your decisions. It may be possible to live the life you want without burning all of your bridges.

[Swanee]

Originally Posted by Minga

I would like to know from anyone out there who maybe have been in my situation or close to the same.
The story:
I have nobody left, but my dog Penny.
I have 3 bedroom house and some land to look after. I do love my house. I have put some work on it and is on the market right now.
My dream, travel and see places before i cannot any longer look after my self.
But, i am scared stiff. On one hand i would love to stay where i am, on another i want to explore some places. Logic tell me go. My emotions telling me stay.
Before my pension kicks in i have 5 years and will rely on my small savings and the sale of my house.
If you experienced something like this before, what how did you manage your emotions (unfortunately my "friends" always saying " you the only one who can make this decision".
What was the point in which you abounded your doubts and make the step ?

John

Hi John,

You asked for anyone in a similar situation to yourself to respond. Here it is.

Well I had been a reader of Cruising Skipper (now defunct I believe) and other cruising magazines for many years. I had read so many stories of people selling up, buying a yacht and going cruising. It was also my dream to eventually sell up and head out on the ocean. I had long loved surfing, snorkelling, fishing and everything to do with the ocean, and my dream was to live aboard and travel. I had owned power boats, but had never even been on a sailing yacht.

In 2001 my father passed away, he was in his 80's so I considered longevity was inherant in my genes, then 2 months later my older brother, then aged 54 dropped dead from a blood clot. This quickly made me take stock and decide if ever I was to be a live aboard cruising sailor, I needed to get out and learn to sail. I bought my first sailing yacht, a Catalina 250. She was the perfect yacht for me to learn. Over the next 4 or 5 years I learnt to become a reasonable bay sailor, but having never raced I still felt I have missed out on a lot of experience. I should mention that my wife never shared my enthusiasm for sailing, especially after a couple of bad storms, and eventually, not having the same dreams caused a divide between us and we separated and divorced. A few years later my employment ceased due to the effects of a drought in Melbourne, Australia where I lived. I was 57 and with no foreseeable opportunities for work, as the industry I was employed in certainly wasnt hiring. I sold my house, as I still had a mortgage which I now couldnt afford, and set myself to move to Asia where the cost of living is much cheaper and also to eventually search for a suitable yacht.

I travelled most of the time through China (also worked teaching English), spent a lot of time in HK and the Philippines, While I was in HK I met a British lawyer who had been living in HK for the past 12 years. He had a Tayana 55' which he invited me to sail with him and his family from Boracay in the Philippines to Singapore. From June to September 2008 I had the most amazing experience sailing Palawan, Philippines, Borneo, Sabah and Sarawak, Malaysia before finally arriving in Singapore.
My search for my own yacht continued after that. I came to Phuket and Pattaya in Thailand and also to Langkawi, Malaysia in my search. Finally I found the yacht I am now living aboard in Langkawi. She is a small Beneteau Oceanis Clipper 331. I spent time antifouling and doing minor repairs before sailing off to Phuket in Thailand. I spent 3 months there before returning to Langkawi which is where I am now. I will stay here until the sailing season begins again, when I will then head north again and explore Phang Gna Bay before rounding Phuket again to visit the Similan Islands.

I would love to have a house to go back to, but at least I know I have lived my dream. It was never my intention to sail alone, and sailing solo does bring about some difficulties that would be much easier if I had someone else on board. I am still more than 3 years short of receiving a pension, and at the moment my money isnt going to last that long, so I will be needing to sell up my yacht before things get too desperate. But I am ok with that as I know if I died tomorrow, or had a stroke or something that disabled me, I did live my dream.

My father spent the last 2 years of his life lying prostrate in a hospital bed unable to move. I swore that if something similar ever happened to me, I would hate to be lying there with those regrets.