What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[Latitude42]

IMHO losing a relationship to go to the sea is better than losing the sea for a relationship.

I have been wrestling with the same dilemma for 6 years now. When I proposed to my wife I told her” I yam what I yam, & I’s a sailor”. The water and boats run through my veins. I said I would like to marry you… but you MUST agree to sail with me for a year ( She said she really enjoyed sailing), & if at the end of a year you do not like the cruising life, we shall return to shore & we will find a place along the coast that makes us BOTH happy.
That was six long years ago…& countless vessels. I owned the boat we were to venture forward in. Once out on large water (Lake Michigan) though, she said the motion made her feel uneasy & the craft heeled too much. So, still having my dream alive, I purchased a larger boat with a wider beam. Back out on the water we go… “no, the motion is still to much & the boat leans at a dreadful angle”. Not to be deterred I procure a longer boat with even more beam & through in a full keel, just for good measure. Onward to the great blue again… “is there any way you can make the boat NOT lean???”.
I sold that boat also. For her part, she started looking at cruising catamarans and trawlers. Both were cost prohibitive. I still wanted to go sailing though so I agreed to look at catamarans. Once we started looking & doing the math for cruising for the year, our calculations didn’t match. Seems she decided we would need full coverage health insurance (medical, prescription, optical & dental) while we were gone. Dream was then totally smashed. I have not sailed since.
Follow YOUR dreams my friend… I guarantee you will be a much happier person for doing so.

[GordMay]

Some facts about the divorce rates in Canada:

First marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce. That risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages).

About 75% of divorced men, and 65% of divorced women remarry.

Almost 75% of Canadian divorces are being initiated by women.

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again.

Apparently, many of us are more committed to things, other than our marriages.

[Ex-Calif]

The number one cause of divorce is marriage. Eliminate that and all will be fine...

[Little Otter]

Latitude I could not agree more, my last girlfriend told me that she liked sailing and i told her okay and borrowed my buddies 28' mono and took it out on lake lanier, well to make a long story short $200 and severel boats later she asked me to try to stay on land, it nearly proved my undoing but I finally told her that since she couldn't accept sailing as a lifestyle then it couldn't work and we went our seperate ways, we are still friends but she now has someone else and I am single once again...the good thing is she is now spending his money and not mine so I now am happy AND I have money

[Latitude42]

If you have money.... then you must not hav a boat!!! LOL
Kidding... good for you!!! I just purchased an O'day 192, I'll re-do it over the winter. Come spring I'll try one more time to get her to go sailing... nothing much, just Lake Superior & Lake Michigan. One or two weeks. If she does it, then I'm getting somewhere. If she does not... then I've done all I can.

[Hampus]

Go for your own dream. Being unhappy on land will make you bothe unhappy in the long run.

I have a boat AND a wonderful girlfriend who truly loves the sea and sailing. I'm so, so lucky

/Hampus

[Little Otter]

Actually latitude I too am looking at redoing a boat over the winter, i'm looking at one of the boats damaged in IKE that only needs superficial and a hole fixed in the bow above the water line, good luck with the O'day.

[ronniesimpson]

did not read the whole thread, but IMHO, i would (and have) ditched the girl to pursue the cruising dream. The dream didn't work out the way I had planned, but then again, the relationship probably wouldn't have either. If your dream poses a major, major problem in your relationship, then obviously you two weren't meant to be together.

again, this is just my opinion.

[Little Otter]

Hi ronnie that seems to be the general consensous.

[Stillraining]

Well shoot I wasent going to but I might as well give my 2 cents worth...

She being only a girlfriend do what you want..but

When I slipped my wifes ring on her finger a part of me died but another part of me was born...when we made the decition to have kids another part of me was taken away but another gift was given in its place..each of thoes choices mandated that part of my life was changed forever and the old self centered selfish man had no place in my future..Instead sacrifices and service to others needs are now to be more important then mine..I have not lost any of the dreams I once had but dreams many of them are likely to remain..to do otherwise would be selfish indeed.....

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by Stillraining

I have not lost any of the dreams I once had but dreams many of them are likely to remain..to do otherwise would be selfish indeed.....

You are a lucky man if you are happy. That normally means that both of you are working on the relationship and there is give and take from both. When the give is one sided (as is the take) you are only left with your dreams, and they make the relationship fester. I stood this for 20 additional years but was eventually at the point of complete breakdown, when I said enough was enough on a 31 year relationship.

I am now a lot happier, but a lot poorer.

[Liberty28]

Originally Posted by Stillraining

Well shoot I wasent going to but I might as well give my 2 cents worth...

She being only a girlfriend do what you want..but

When I slipped my wifes ring on her finger a part of me died but another part of me was born...when we made the decition to have kids another part of me was taken away but another gift was given in its place..each of thoes choices mandated that part of my life was changed forever and the old self centered selfish man had no place in my future..Instead sacrifices and service to others needs are now to be more important then mine..I have not lost any of the dreams I once had but dreams many of them are likely to remain..to do otherwise would be selfish indeed.....

Wise beyond your years no matter how old you are!!!!!!!

By the by, I'm the big dummy that gave you your sig line and I want credit AND royaltiies!!

[jimking100]

This post is going on forever so it must be tapping in to something. My story....I started dating this young lady 25 years ago and since I was an avid sailor, she told me she loved sailing and would be my partner. We married and guess what....she didn't like sailing as much as she led me to believe. The dream hybernated and guess again....23 years later she decided she didn't want to be married anymore.
Dream revived... but as I medically retired (remember "in sickness and in health") and the stock market "crashed", I have since lost most of my money.
I did go out and buy a Cal 39 with the intention of heading to the Caribbean (maybe South Pacific and Thailand later). The dream is revived but now I am old (61) and broke (almost). Dreams are better fitted for the young and well abled but I will try anyway.
Moral of the story...go when you can.
Jim

[Liberty28]

Hey JIMKING,

All is not lost! FIRST, 61-years old is NOT old!!! And secondly, check out Atom Voyages | Voyaging Around the World on the Sailboat Atom with James and Mei for a couple who are not rolling in $$$$ and are still doing the things you have in mind. We all have our stories (and mine is not dissimilar, but I'm not going to get into it) and sometimes things can get bleak (and I'm not getting into that one, either), but it ain't over 'till it's over.

Make a plan, get your head and body together, and do what you want to do. The clock is, indeed, ticking and I'll guarantee that absolutely nobody is going to achieve your goal and happiness for you!

Good luck to ya', my friend!!

[dacust]

I won't go into my story, either. I'd just be repeating what's already been said.

When people ask me if I'm married, I say "No, I traded my wife in on a boat. And I sure do love my boat."

I have a hat that says: "I love my boat. It takes all my money, but it doesn't bitch."

My ex just laughs. We get along fine. Just can't be married.

-dan