What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[LexLocal]

SomeFun!!!

Nostalgia for Past Loves, Feels good and refreshes the spirit--

from the vantage of years of listing to males and females whine about relationship in the ole law office--essentials of relationship are:

1 51% --FINANCES--will maintain the marriage--absent everthing else--
2. 30%--EROS--the Modern World requires world-class maneuvers--
(sluggish vessels will lie, in peril)
3. 30%--DREAMS AND ADVENTURE--Here be the thread--With THREE BILLION others in the Universe--most on internet dating sites--Why not find a shared Dream??

Those detail oriented Captains will note --i'm short on the ole 100%--So- there is an element of mystery beyond the rational--
And-visit a Psychiatrist for mutual testing-befor you cast off.

Lex

[Ex-Calif]

I always knew it took more than 100% No wonder it's so hard...

I started off by giving 10% an upping it a little each year. At around 30% she really started to like me.

[Therapy]

Wx-Calif,

I must have slept through that lecture and sure wish I had not.

111%.........Hmmm.........yep that is what I give all the time.

But my dreams are not exactly the same.........and are in a holding pattern.

[captchetco]

Originally Posted by sailorgal

That is a hard decision and ultimately one that only you can make.

My feelings are that since this is something you've always wanted to do, it's what you should do. If you give up your dream and stay with the girl, you will always resent it and her. Have you asked yourself why she would want you to give up your dream? Why do you have to give up what you want and she doesn't?

Relationships come and go, but dreams, if they are true dreams, will last.

That's probably not what you want to hear, but unless she is willing to see you happy and make some compromises, I think you would be happier in the long run if you follow your dream without her.


And this is coming from a girl!

Just left a good relationship for this very rationale. You will never let the other person forget what you gave up for them.

[nautical62]

I can only speak for myself and what I've discovered about myself is that I am willing and able to make compromises and accommodate some things that are important to someone else. I'm not willing or able to give up my dreams or lifestyle which are defining parts of who I am.

I could possibly buy a slightly bigger boat, add a few niceties, modify my cruising plans to make cruises a bit less rugged, but I can't imagine giving them up all together.

What I think many people have a hard time understanding is that for many, cruising/sailing isn't just a recreational activity, it's a lifestyle that is a big part of that person's individuality. I think asking me to give up sailing and never look back, would be like telling someone who's family is important to them that they can never contact their family again if they want a life with me.

[Latitude42]

It is hard for one to understand, if they do not have the same draw to the sea & sail as I do. I have tried desperately to stifle my yearning for the sound of full sails, the taste of salt air, the feel of the hull as it is being driven through the waves & the sight of water to the horizon. I have gone from a complete person with a well defined goal & purpose to a lost soul being pushed and pulled by emotions & feelings of what I have committed to do verses what I long to return to. Since I let my dream slip away I have become… incomplete. I have tried to do this or that, but my heart has always been beyond the shore.
I am doing neither myself nor my loved one any favors in the state I am in. I merely exist. Although my sense of responsibility is strong, the pull to a life on the water is overwhelming. She has, in the past, commented on what a transformation I go through when I have a tiller in my hands and an eye on the horizon. But, I fear it eludes her as to how much it REALLY means to me.
I have tried to come up with a compromise between her lifestyle and the one I was preparing… but to no avail. I’ve heard it said that one person completes another… I believe the sea is what truly makes me whole.

Apologies… I sometimes need to write what I am feeling to understand it.

Fair winds,
Larry C

[Inthewind]

I guess I am lucky in a sense, my significant other never tries to hold me back from anything, even if I am gone for months. She likes cruising but she only likes it for a week or two at a time only. Usually she will fly to where I am, stay for awhile and then fly home. I have no problem with her doing what she like to do either, whether it's a luxury cruise ship or Las Vegas with her friends or visiting distant relatives. We can stand to be apart from each other for extended periods and I think that is good for our particular relationship that we have. This might explain why we are still together after many years.

[otgadventures]

Wow, tough question for sure. I've had two marriages, and an unfulfilled dream in my first one did not help the relationship last. I lucked out completely with my second wife, and enjoy the luck of having an adventuresome and awesome wife who taught ME to sail, and then we went sailing. We've had 2 boats, and now we're selling our Gemini, which won't be easy, but the rigors of sailing are more than our combined arthritis problems can handle, and it is time to do something else. We plan to do medical volunteer work in Kenya, where I was in the Peace Corps long ago. This will be a way to "give back" some of our good fortune while having another type of adventure.

[Blue Stocking]

Oh Boy!!! Don't know how many hours have passed with both male and female friends in the raft-up discussing this dilemna. Consensus seems to be that the jubilant attitude a sailor expresses when getting ready to go aboard the boat for a sail is often interpreted by the partner as an escape from the land relationship, and many feel insecure in this mode. No matter how solid my shore relationship is, my lovely wife, who can't take the sun because of her very fair skin, never seems to understand how I can curl up in that forepeak bunk and sleep like a baby, no matter what the weather. When we sail, even with others on board, deep down its Me, Blue Stocking, and my Creators ocean.
Time for another glass of Pinot Noir. Fair winds to you all.

[Jim Cate]

Sundowner, This is really aimed to your girlfriend:
I accepted my husband's dream to sail, and we have been cruising off and on for years; the last time we left our country of
origin was March 1989. There are difficulties to overcome, and if
you're truly claustrophobic that will be a huge problem. However,
in my experience, even though our 2nd boat (which we lived on
for 18 yrs.) was only a 36 footer, I learned to like its cosiness. It
happens that I get seasick. I have been willing to confront that
situation, and learned to live with it; I don't know if you could
successfully do that with claustrophobia. Have you considered
therapy?
A cruising lifestyle has a myriad rewards that only become dear to
one's heart after living it for a while. Of all the answers so far to
"Sundowner", the one I liked best was to try the charter, it's only
a holiday, but it would give you both some flavor of cruising as a lifestyle. Also, decisions, even though made, can be changed at a
later date. I agree that it's generally not a good thing to manipulate someone into not following a dream--one is far more
likely to resent or regret not doing something than doing it. I wish
you both good success with this: it is a difficult problem to solve.
Ann Cate, "Insatiable II"

[Jim Cate]

P.S. Problems are for getting creative about solving!
Ann Cate

[jheldatksuedu]

I couldn't find the right woman on land so I'm taking to the sea to find her, I'm sure somewhere along my circumnavigation I'll find someone that loves the adventurous lifestyle and children enough to combine them both. It's not necessarily sailing that I'm hooked on, it's exploring and adventure. Sailing is just how I'm doing it now, and I expect for most of the rest of my life.

[bruce in oz]

Originally Posted by jheldatksuedu

A bad day sailing is 100 times better than a good day at work.

A bad day sailing is 100 times better than living on land...


adam must have asked this relationship/dream question when that dodgey sheila wanted him to try her apples and look what that did to the incas.

yachtie mate has just returned from an asian cruise after he & his lady friend sailed north several months ago, she flew back early in the piece. within days them seeing each other again they were taking restraining orders out against each other.

coals & newcastle, cows & milk

[lookoutnw]

I agree with a couple of others here. My kids are now grown. She is reluctant to leave her land comfort for the unknown. I will go, she will fly and meet me after the long offshore passages. If she likes it, she says she will stay. I don't expect her to really try too much as long as she has a house on land. Her choice, my choice. We will probably still stay mariied, but hey, we are getting on in years and life will pass us by, or at least good enough health for cruising will. Go now, she'll wait or join you. Either way, you get your dream, she makes her decision. After all, you may decide that the loss is not worth what you thought was a real dream.

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by lookoutnw

After all, you may decide that the loss is not worth what you thought was a real dream.

Now that is truly profound...and I tip my hat to you sir.


How can a dream replace love...it can only if love is not true.

.....personaly, I will sacrifice all dreams for mine.