What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[sundowner]

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

Jay,

A lot that you type is true. Some are lucky enough to find a mate to accept the lifestyle, and truly enjoy it too. You have to love yourself before you can love others is my belief. Nurturing your dreams is giving yourself approval, and love. Finding someone who fits you like a glove only enhances the freedom, and love you have obtained.

Sundowner,

Was it you that wrote about the $120K cat?......BEST WISHES to you both in getting what you seek......i2f

Hi Imagine,
I don't recall writing about that, but yes I am still looking for a cat. Let me know if you hear of any good deals out there. Do you have one for sale?

[shinkoiwanojay]

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

You have to love yourself before you can love others is my belief. Nurturing your dreams is giving yourself approval, and love. Finding someone who fits you like a glove only enhances the freedom, and love you have obtained.

....................Yep...

[SabreKai]

Originally Posted by sundowner

I've always wanted to incorporate sailing into a business or at least a long term crusing lifestyle. My girlfriend is great in so many ways, but has pretty much decided that she wouldn't like sailing for more than a week at a time, is more "land based", has claustrophobia, and can't see herself living on a sailboat. She loves me too, but seems like we're coming to an impasse. Is chasing the dream worth losing a relationship?

I went thru this once and it damn near killed me. Lost my girl, gave up the boat to try n get her back, and ended up loosing both. That sort of pain is enough for one lifetime.

Now I have another boat, and I'm content to be single. As that old poem goes: My ship is my all, my only god, my life, my liberty.

Sabre

[lltfdaniel]

Well if i was in your shoes sundowner and me being 19 and in anycase i'm not interested in a partner because of reasons like this anyhow their is going to be pain up ahead as both your girl and your dream does not have enough space, so if i had your dream and was you without your personality i would have it girl 50% dream 50% not girl 100% and dream 0% or girl 0% and dream 100% asap, really put 2 options at 50% and test drive them if you can and then decide what you truly value more from your heart and feelings and also this change can help sooth the pain somewhat, so if your relashionship degraded or she has changed her mind but as others say 'she is not being her self and it will degrade' and also another post here about knowing her dreams or something before she knows yours (i think) and also my mums own advice of, 'be your self if they don't appreciate/love you then they will go away' as well as 'their are predators out their, they want to marry you then when you split up what you had is now split 50/50'

However if i had just met some girl and she was in the way of my biggest dream/interest i would asap get rid of her because if i had growing feeling for her, the more pain that comes with it when you spilt up.

This sounds very tough man, i'd really take this slow because their won't be no turning back, let alone thought try both (okay sure not 100% but like a 6 month cruise somewhere and maybe a part time business) and see how you feel in your heart.

Try before you go down 1 of the 2 roads.

my £2.

and SabreKai hah i had the same attitude when i was like 6-7 years old in a somewhat simular but non financial situation .

[NautiHippie]

First off one word "COMPROMISE"......Then short answer is Yes ....just ask my ex-wife (she got everything but the boat and she's still unhappy!) and ex-gf's (who I now make sure get post cards from every island!). Then ask my beautiful new wife who sold all her shoes, house, work stress and fancy dresses and jumped on board and has been having a ball ever since.......on the promise that every three or four months she gets a weekend at a resort Not to bad a compromise in my book!

[sundowner]

Hey Nauti !
Your new wife sounds like an amazing woman! I'm very happy for you that you've found such a great gal. Nice compromise as well.

[NautiHippie]

I always try to act like i enjoy sitting by the pool drinking margaritas..... it's hard but someones gotta do it!

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by NautiHippie

First off one word "COMPROMISE"......Then short answer is Yes ....just ask my ex-wife (she got everything but the boat and she's still unhappy!) and ex-gf's (who I now make sure get post cards from every island!). Then ask my beautiful new wife who sold all her shoes, house, work stress and fancy dresses and jumped on board and has been having a ball ever since.......on the promise that every three or four months she gets a weekend at a resort Not to bad a compromise in my book!

NautiHippie - I personally don't think compromise is the answer. Compromise raises the question that someone or both persons are giving something up.

Relationships are additive not subtractive. For me when two people get together the talent, personality, love and caring they bring adds so that the pair is bigger than the two individuals.

Change is OK. Two individuals can change like growing plants and if their lives are intertwined their roots and their vines intertwine to the point that they can never be separated.

It's very, very hard to find that kind of commitment and relationship and i think very few actually make it.

[NautiHippie]

I understand your point of view but believe that we may have different ideas of what compromise means ....

"compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication,through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire. Extremism is often considered as antonym to compromise, which, depending on context, may be associated with concepts of balance, tolerance. In the negative connotation, compromise may be referred to as capitulation, referring to a “surrender” of objectives, principles, or materiale, in the process of negotiating an agreement.”


I'll go with the positive connotation

[imagine2frolic]

Nauti,

I will have to agree with the POSITIVE CONNOTATION, and she's pretty too!

[Talbot]

My wife believed entirely in the word compromise, and interpreted it strictly as going things her way.

I may be a lot poorer, but as an ex-wife, she can continue to do things her way to her entire satisfaction, and hopefully as far away from me as possible.

I envy you guys who have found nirvana.

[NautiHippie]

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

Nauti,

I will have to agree with the POSITIVE CONNOTATION, and she's pretty too!

and smart too! Yeah I am very Lucky Thanks!

[peterroach]

I agree with David - If you have to ask you already know the answer. All the other advice is just to make you feel better.

[goshea]

Originally Posted by peterroach

I agree with David - If you have to ask you already know the answer. All the other advice is just to make you feel better.

... and comments like this make you feel superior.

Bleah. We are all human, my friend, and 95% of the fun is the hashing out of issues. We repeat patterns until we are able to recognize them and change them. It's cynical and sad to propose that all of the riffing on the theme here is pointless meandering only intending to make one person feel better. I am thankful to chime on this, not because it gives me the opportunity to strut my more evolved self, but because it offers me the chance to re-examine my choices, reconsider my decisions, and re-visit this important part of my life. I'm thankful for the re-re-re exercise and the chance to share it as I keep trying move on and re-evaluate my life.

I hope my previous post was not seen simply as a patronizing make-you-feel-better platitude, but instead as a sincere response to an invitation to share my thoughts on the course I've chosen.

Okay, soap box dismount commencing in three, two, one ....

[Stillraining]

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'