What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[xxuxx]

al

Originally Posted by cabo_sailor

Tough choice and one I never wanted to make. I always made it a prerequisite that anyone I was dating had to like the water and sailing. I lucked out. Although not the case with me, I do know a few fellows whose girlfriends "loved" sailing until they got a gold ring.

Reminds me of that song from the sixties....all I have left is a band of gold.....
but that's not always true

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by
Originally Posted by [B

sailorgal][/b]
That is a hard decision and ultimately one that only you can make.

My feelings are that since this is something you've always wanted to do, it's what you should do. If you give up your dream and stay with the girl, you will always resent it and her. Have you asked yourself why she would want you to give up your dream? Why do you have to give up what you want and she doesn't?

Relationships come and go, but dreams, if they are true dreams, will last.

That's probably not what you want to hear, but unless she is willing to see you happy and make some compromises, I think you would be happier in the long run if you follow your dream without her.


And this is coming from a girl!

Originally Posted by captchetco

Just left a good relationship for this very rationale. You will never let the other person forget what you gave up for them.

Wow...You guys are a tough crowd...

I have given up several things I loved to do just because I love her so much..one is Hunting, and I use to live for it...And If crossing an ocean to a distant shore is totaly out of the relm of things my sweetie ever learns to get comfortable with I will readly give that dream up too.

Not trying to beat my own drum here or sound preachy but IMHO you guys havent found your true loves yet...nothing...absolutly nothing is as important to me as mine...My hope to anyone looking is you truly someday find yours...for me its 22 years and getting better each day.

Happy new Year everybody

[Brent Swain]

This life is not a rehearsal. You don't get to do a rerun. Live your dreams. I've seen too many people give up their dreams for the treadmill and end up getting dumped in the end anyway. Dump others before they dump you , then go out and live your dreams, or they will haunt you forever.
How many women ,who would love to be out cruising ,are married to couch potatoes who only want to sit in front of the boob tube and watch sports. Wife swap her for that kind of partner. Or go out and find her while cruising.
brent

[xxuxx]

Originally Posted by Brent Swain

This life is not a rehearsal. You don't get to do a rerun. Live your dreams. I've seen too many people give up their dreams for the treadmill and end up getting dumped in the end anyway. Dump others before they dump you , then go out and live your dreams, or they will haunt you forever.
How many women ,who would love to be out cruising ,are married to couch potatoes who only want to sit in front of the boob tube and watch sports. Wife swap her for that kind of partner. Or go out and find her while cruising.
brent

Hear! hear! This adventure woman totally agrees with all of the above. Dump the _itch or quit yer whining

[Stillraining]

Well she will have to dump me first....

To each his own...

And if she ever does..each day has been a gift anyway.

[BobJ]

Raining, you are a blessed man and in my bones I believe you are correct - a true love is worth sacrificing a dream. If one feels like they have to choose between the two, then there's something less than true about the love.

Brent, perhaps you are right if you view your lover as part of the "treadmill." Is she part of it, or a respite from it?


I wonder what happened to Sundowner (who started this thread).

[imagine2frolic]

Sundowner is searching for a yacht. IMHO he made the right choice, but she was already putting constraints on him. True love needs no chain, because you are already bonded together......i2f

[Charlie]

Wow this has become a long thread. I think it shows why boats and the sea are considered to be female (In English and Spannish at least).

I spent alot of time alone b/c I didn't want to date a woman who didn't love the sea. I finally married the foredecker from a boat that I raced on. Only now, 13 years later, does she admit to being afraid of winds over 30 knots. I can compromise on alot of things but I can't in all honesty say that we won't have winds over 30 knots. Especially around SF Bay. She's agreed to letting me do the long passages by myself and then flying over to meet me for the costal stuff. That's fine with me

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by Charlie

Wow this has become a long thread. I think it shows why boats and the sea are considered to be female (In English and Spannish at least).

LOL ..ya and it has enlightened me in vivid detail why we have a 50+ percent divorce rate too..

[dacust]

Originally Posted by Stillraining

Wow...You guys are a tough crowd...

I have given up several things I loved to do just because I love her so much..one is Hunting, and I use to live for it...And If crossing an ocean to a distant shore is totaly out of the relm of things my sweetie ever learns to get comfortable with I will readly give that dream up too.

Not trying to beat my own drum here or sound preachy but IMHO you guys havent found your true loves yet...nothing...absolutly nothing is as important to me as mine...My hope to anyone looking is you truly someday find yours...for me its 22 years and getting better each day.

Happy new Year everybody

Stillraining,

I think the point here is not that you have given up dreams for your relationship. Your relationship IS one of your dreams. We give up things to accomplish our dreams. Sometimes those things are other dreams. It sounds like your relationship is the most important dream you have. You know what you want, you value it and you set your priorities accordingly. So many people don't really know what it is they really want. I'm glad to hear you DO know, and you got it! Awesome.


To the OP:

Some peoples' most important dream is not a relationship. Nothing wrong with that. We just need to be honest with ourselves as to what ARE the truly most important dreams we have and then try to arrange our lives to accomplish that. Then, in a relationship, we need to be sure their dreams and ours mesh in a reasonable way so we can both accomplish the most important ones.

If you have two dreams that conflict, and you can't resolve that conflict, you may have to pick the most important one and drop the other. If the cruising dream is more important than the relationship you are currently in, you owe it to yourself AND to your partner to choose cruising. Not fair to either one of you to do different.

For me, a good relationship is one where neither one would ask the other to give up their dreams, but either one would be willing to give up some dreams for the other (if there was a real reason why it was necessary).

-dan

[quidam]

Jim Croce said it best in the song "I've got a name".........."If your going my way I'll go with you."

[Stillraining]

Very wise words Dan...and Thank you and BobJ for the kind words.

[Pelagic]

This certainly has been a soul searching discussion with one interesting difference from most other topics……When I read the comments and advice from all the various posters and they explain their personal perspective, I generally agree with all of them!

My point? We should not judge other people on how they view a relationship based on our own standards. People are very different with individual sets of needs and priorities.

Those needs and priorities evolve as we all search for that sometimes elusive happiness pill and I think it is detrimental to try and judge yourself based on the success/failure rate of others.

From Stillraining’s 110% commitment to a wonderful relationship, to the other end of the spectrum where the priority is the protective relationship you have with your own desires and needs,… finding happiness is as dynamic as the sea itself.

To all my fellow sailors, I wish you great happiness in 2009 wherever the winds may guide you in that search for personal contentment. :cubalibre

[highseas]

If they dont share the dream,they are not right for you.To have a happy relationship you must share common desires.If you go to sea with someone who is reluctant ,it will end in bitter dissapointment.Boats break up more happy? couples than create them,if not fear of the sea, it is about the financial cost of sailing.True sailors are a unique breed,few and far between.Just go,when time is right she, or he, will appear when it is meant to be,keep an open mind about it.

[Andy007]

It took me 8 years to persuade my girlfriend to become a sailor

Andy