Negativity on Sailing Your Own Boat (RANT)

[atoll]

posting your photos on facebook of your "adventures" soon turns criticism in to downright jealosy.................now how BIG WAS THAT FISH?

[Mr B]

Originally Posted by Shrew

what are you actually telling these folks, and whom are you telling? Are you telling your family and inlaws that you bought a boat and plan to cast off lines and sail around the world and never come back. Then of course, they're going to have reservations. Nobody wants to hear that their friends/family are planning on going far away and more than likely never coming back.

Are you a family of five living in a van and deciding to buy a boat in lieu of buying a more permanent residence or groceries? (I'm not saying that you are, so please don't take offense).

Essentially, what you're telling people and whom you are telling will garner a variety of responses. As said earlier, some see the adventure and are simply jealous.

Personally, I rarely mention that i boat to anyone other than family and very close friends, and even then I rarely talk about it. Non-boaters don't get it.

No offense taken, I like your answer, Looking for responses both sides of the fence.

[TeddyDiver]

Originally Posted by Mr B

What is it with people that crawl out of the woodwork and from under rocks to actively put you down.

You don't know anything about negative people before you run a sleddog farm.. but got to say after a career as a musher I haven't paid much attention what they might say..

[Capt. lulz]

What I've learned my short time on this earth is that people are stupid and selfish. I don't listen to anyone about certain things like their opinions of me doing something "new". People want to think they know you, or don't want things to change. They don't know how to react or deal with the new element in their life, so they deny it instinctually. You'll learn that people have their own motives, and the negative reaction they have has nothing to do with you, rather it is a problem they have.

I have kept my desire of sailing and living aboard away from my friends and family. I have no interest in their opinion. They will understand after I actually do it, not before. That is when I'll tell them.

[senormechanico]

We got the same thing before we left.
Most of them are naive and jealous that you have the balls to do it.

After we came back, people universally said stuff like,
"That must have been a lot of fun!"

[h20man]

Originally Posted by GordMay

You do; if you listen to them.

Gord hit it on the head....

[Wotname]

"What other people think of me is none of my business"

[jkleins]

Originally Posted by Mr B

I personally dont give a rats, It is water off a ducks back for me,

Actually you do care or you wouldn't have written any of the above. You care about the naysayers opinions and can't just let it roll off your back for reasons only you know. (Could they be on to something?).

You will have to deal with it so you might as well deal with it now because (to paraphrase George Castanza) it not them, it you.

Jim

[zeehag]

i want that dorado......is gorgeous.

[nautical62]

A lot of people see what ever lifestyle they live and those who live similarly as being the norm.

Look at how people use the term: "real world" as if to say that other people's choices or lifestyles are somehow not real.

People who are used to 1-2 week vacations don't get how I can go cruising for as long as 1-3 months at a time. When I'm among cruisers, they don't get how I can go cruising for only 1-3 months at a time.

What is normal or common is all relative. Put yourself in an environment where your dreams are the norm.

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by Mr B

What is it with people that crawl out of the woodwork and from under rocks to actively put you down,
when you mention that you have bought a boat and intend to go sailing on it.

They have no idea on my skills or lack of it. Regarding boats or anything else.

They have no idea on my life experience as a person or what I have done in my life,

They say I cant do this, or I cant do that, It is too much for me, It is beyond my experience, knowledge, Capability, Expertise, Etc, Etc.
You must have years of experience before you can do that. or any thing like it.

I ask them what they do, I work, I go home, I watch Tee Vee,

How do you know what I can and cant do,

You dont know, So why do you persist in telling me what I can and cant do,
Mainly what I cant do,

What gives these people the right to dictate to me, or any one else for that matter, and castigate me and verbally insinuate that I am a complete novice or a crazy fool. for what I want to do,

I am getting to the point of severe Frustration, because it throws the fear of god into those around me,

Absolutely scares the crap out of some of them,

It almost broke up one very good relationship between one couple,

How do I put a stop to these moronic imbeciles and there Total Negativity,

My Mum used to say, If you cant say some thing nice, dont say any thing at all.

I try to be nice all the time, But I really need some input into this, as it is really getting on my Goat.

Your opinions would really help, as I can get another side to the story.

You won't get an "other side" from me because I agree with you 100%. I've been sailing for four years and go through this all the time. I just ignore them and go on with my life. I haven't capsized my boat yet.

The worst for me was once coming back from a trip in rough seas, my crew member refused to spill the mainsail to depower the boat. The gas can, which was in the lazerette, broke free of the hose to the motor and flew to the other side of the space. We couldn't reach it safely, but it wasn't leaking.

However, someone else arbitrarily decided that it WAS leaking and that my boat was tied up at the dock full of gas fumes. Within a couple of days that turned into a third person yelling at me that I shouldn't be saiing because I was going to kill someone some day and why hadn't I fixed all the things he thought was wrong with my boat.

So I said "Show me ...(whatever)." He couldn't. "Show me ... (whatever)." He couldn't.

He had heard those things from someone who looked at the boat RIGHT after I had bought it. ALL the issues had been fixed.

I told the guy off as strongly as he had yelled at me, and he backed down.

I look these critics in the eye and ask, "When was the last time you sailed with me?" (Answer is usually either "never" or "three years ago.") "So then, where does your first hand knowledge come from?"

It's best to do this with a smile on your face, but it does "curb their enthusiasm" to build themselves up by putting you down, which is what they're doing.

[zeehag]

the only REAL world is your own...especially when sailing. is definitely REAL out there....

[In Training]

Most people are not trying to put you down -- they just lack confidence themselves.

The only way they can feel good about what they are doing is to get confirmation from you -- and you are not giving it to them when you talk about doing something so different. Actually you are saying that you are throwing away their life style for something you think is better. I know it sounds crazy but I really think they are just defending their choice and not really purposely knocking you down.

At least that is what I have found to be the case in people around me. Once they start to see the positive things about going cruising, you start to get different responses. My mom (86) has actually said that would have been such a wonderful adventure for her, if only dad had been more adventurous she would have loved to do that. (Boy was she negative at first and she lived on water all her life). Two neighbors are planning vacations on boats now. Life is too short not to try different things.

Smile every time someone says something negative -- you know they will not have half the experiences in life that you will have. (not that they all will be good mind you).

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Mr B

actively put you down, when you mention that you have bought a boat and intend to go sailing on it.

A few months ago in the Canary Islands this Australian boat comes into the anchorage with a NEW Aussie flag - could still see the fold marks still in it - it was Bavaria, looked like ex-charter boat. Drops his anchor badly, picks it up drops again.....
So I think this guys a rank amateur.... so I hop the dink and wander over and say: "Hi mate? new boat? Yes. Ex-charter Boat? Yes. Need any advice, Mate?"

This guy says come on board and have a beer...

So I'm drinking his beer giving him the 'she'll be right mate, anchoring is simple after a while.....'.

And he says: "I never anchored in my last boat....... because I circumnavigated the world solo non-stop!"

He is Ken Goulay, holds the record for the fastest Australian RTW, solo, unassisted, etc etc, been sailiing since he was a kid, household name in racing circles and here's me preaching to him how to anchor!




Ken Gourlay

So don't worry Mr B, you can sail the world, write a book about it and still idiots will come up to you and try and tell you how to do it!



Mark

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by cengel

Most people are not trying to put you down -- they just lack confidence themselves.

The only way they can feel good about what they are doing is to get confirmation from you -- and you are not giving it to them when you talk about doing something so different. Actually you are saying that you are throwing away their life style for something you think is better. I know it sounds crazy but I really think they are just defending their choice and not really purposely knocking you down.

At least that is what I have found to be the case in people around me. Once they start to see the positive things about going cruising, you start to get different responses. My mom (86) has actually said that would have been such a wonderful adventure for her, if only dad had been more adventurous she would have loved to do that. (Boy was she negative at first and she lived on water all her life). Two neighbors are planning vacations on boats now. Life is too short not to try different things.

Smile every time someone says something negative -- you know they will not have half the experiences in life that you will have. (not that they all will be good mind you).

Sorry, but I don't find defending one's life style at the expense of another an attractive trait. I don't look for opportunities to snap at someone, but I avoid such people. It is not my job -- nor is it even appropriate -- for me to act as therapist to someone who has just put me down.

I actually think it important for one to stand up for onself if being essentially slandered ("You're unsafe on the water and some day you're going to kill someone" is not a supportive statement, especially when based on wholly inaccurate information.)