The Joke Thread

[svmariane]

#MeanwhileInRussia...

Ice bucket challenge, or just another day at the local marina?
We report - you decide.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by svmariane

#MeanwhileInRussia...

Ice bucket challenge, or just another day at the local marina?
We report - you decide.

No, I have it on authority that this is part of a new Ad campaign for Absolut Vodka......
'Drinking Absolut on ice attracts the most eligible and virile suiters'

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

No, I have it on authority that this is part of a new Ad campaign for Absolut Vodka......
'Drinking Absolut on ice attracts the most eligible and virile suiters'

From her profile I'm thinking she already attracted a suitor.

[socaldmax]

This is a true story.

Shortly after I got to my first boat (sub) I was told about a legend of submarine humor, which is a variant of gallows humor, but particularly focused on the mail, sunlight, liberty, what's for chow and the possibility of you wife or mother, or both satisfying the entire crew for the entire night sometime in the near future.

The story goes that a boat (a ballistic missile boat, or "boomer" since we were a fast attack) met up with a tugboat somewhere in the ocean to transfer some personnel and the mail, called a "perstrans." The Capt. decided it would be a good idea to videotape the evolution and use it for future training. So the topside crew assembled, the cameraman starts filming and the tug pulls alongside. They rig up a temporary brow and all of the ship's personnel walk across to the sub as they're cruising along at a few knots.

But then something goes wrong, and the tug loses power. They pull back the brow, slacken the lines and start yelling to the OOD, who misunderstands and calls for more power, speeding up the sub. Now the tug is sliding down the length of the boat and strikes the stern planes, which extend like knives horizontally just under the surface on both sides of the boat. It gets a huge gash ripped down the side and sinks in just a few seconds with what appears to be all hands on board. Meanwhile, you can hear a crew member standing next to the video cameraman. All he says is, "Well, there goes the mail!"

For over 20 yrs I chalked that story up to a bit of fanciful storytelling, illustrating just how sick "sub humor" could be. Until I found the actual video posted on youtube.

If you don't want to watch the whole 5 min video, just jump to about 3:35.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrKHLQMA_5U

[captain58sailin]

Hard to tell what exactly happened due to the poor quality of the video. When running side by side like that, there is a suction that keeps the two vessels together. It looks like the sub sped up and the tug was unable to get a good angle, to back away from the sub, not enough room to pivot. If the sub had stopped or at least slowed down the tug could have backed away before hitting the planes. However if the tug lost power, then he was screwed no matter what.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

Hard to tell what exactly happened due to the poor quality of the video. When running side by side like that, there is a suction that keeps the two vessels together. It looks like the sub sped up and the tug was unable to get a good angle, to back away from the sub, not enough room to pivot. If the sub had stopped or at least slowed down the tug could have backed away before hitting the planes. However if the tug lost power, then he was screwed no matter what.

I think there was plenty of time to call for a quick backing bell, then all stop to bring the sub to a dead stop, then the tug could have pulled forward and away when he got his engine running again. It looked like he did get it running (smoke out of the pipe) right after he hit the stern planes. But that's all hindsight.

I was just surprised as hell to find the actual video, I thought it was part of sub folklore, like all of the stories about Rickover.

[Coops]

JoKes? Remember the title of this thread? Anybody got any?

Coops.

[carstenb]

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

[carstenb]

At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

[Therapy]

[BigJohn]

you just can't make this sh*t up ...

[Capt Phil]

Probably shot by number 6!

[Ryan H]

That poor, poor man. I'll add that to my list of reasons for not being a polygamist ......... :-D

Sent from my SGPT12 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Doodles]

Apparently ED was not the issue.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Doodles

Apparently ED was not the issue.

It was at the very end!