Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

[Group9]

I can tell you what brought us back from cruising after only a year of a planned five year cruise. A thirty year old train wreck of a daughter (step-daughter to me) that we thought we had propped up enough that she could function on her own for a few years without direct supervision and financial support. We were having the time of our lives until we started getting bombarded with constant phone calls and e-mails for financial assistance and demanding our return.

We would have let her flounder until she found her way except for grandkids who were suffering under her dysfunction, and basically being used as hostages. She is the textbook case of what happens when you don't demand responsibility of children when they grow up and become dependent adults.

And, it wasn't just a cruise that it ruined. We ended up getting a divorce over our different opinions on how she should be helped/forced into adulthood. At least I got the boat in the deal.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by skipgundlach

BTW, I called my second wife "Wifey" once.

She corrected me to say she was only Wife B.

Now our signoffs in emails are XWB and XHA ☺

Wifey B: Just use it since we share the account. No one ever calls me that.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by skipgundlach

☺

The bacon is committed, but the egg is dalliance.

When you give up your home to go cruising, it's a bit different than just deciding to get off one day, for whatever reasons.

No offense intended, but the question was about those who chucked it all and had to go back.

Wifey B: But the advice being given by many is how to avoid that all or nothing scenario. And for many it's finding a happy mix.

And for the record, I did go back and look at the OP. Says nothing about chucking it all and cruising full time. In fact talks specifically about part time cruisers. Says: "Some planned on cruising forever while others desired to cruise part time or for only some finite amount of time."

See, you're falling into the chasm of defining cruising as only being 24/365 and it's not. Even those of you who claim you do, don't. You anchor, you dock. You go explore on land. Only difference is you sold the house. Most of you still occasionally visit land based people.

So, no offense intended, but the question was not about those who chucked it all. It was about those cruising whether full time, part time, or a finite time, and had to give it up.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Group9

I can tell you what brought us back from cruising after only a year of a planned five year cruise. A thirty year old train wreck of a daughter (step-daughter to me) that we thought we had propped up enough that she could function on her own for a few years without direct supervision and financial support. We were having the time of our lives until we started getting bombarded with constant phone calls and e-mails for financial assistance and demanding our return.

We would have let her flounder until she found her way except for grandkids who were suffering under her dysfunction, and basically being used as hostages. She is the textbook case of what happens when you don't demand responsibility of children when they grow up and become dependent adults.

And, it wasn't just a cruise that it ruined. We ended up getting a divorce over our different opinions on how she should be helped/forced into adulthood. At least I got the boat in the deal.

I have a cousin whose son and daughter in law both suffer from mental illness, daughter-in-law far worse than son. So my cousin and his wife at the age of 60 found themselves taking in their two grandchildren, ages 12 and 8. They love them dearly and would not have thought of anything else. They even fought in court for indefinite temporary custody. But of course it changed their plans. Suddenly schedule revolved around school year again and daily schedule meant someone home when they got out of school.

As to fault or reason why it happened, nothing gained with second guessing because we never know. I've known parents who followed every rule of the book and things still didn't work as they should have. What happens with children isn't always a reflection of the parents good or bad. My wife and I are very very very thankful that we are not like our parents and didn't lead our lives as they would have led us. We're very involved with an orphanage and see incredible kids who had lousy parents. Then we see loving, caring, decent parents, whose kids just went astray. Were they too lenient, too strict, too understanding, not understanding enough? There's really no way t know. You just do your best and hope.

[a64pilot]

Until we retire, we are part time cruisers ourselves.
I see part time cruising like dating, it's a whole lot different than being married.
I believe full time living on the boat, with the boat being "home" will be a whole lot different than part time cruising.

I don't believe any of us part time cruisers really understand what doing it full time can be like, any more than you think you know what married life will be like because you have dated a few people.

Nothing at all wrong with being part timers, Your not less of a person or anything silly, Truth is, it may well be what we end up being, but I want to try full time first.

If we were younger, the part time thing would be more appealing.

I think full timers sometimes quit for very similar reasons a lot of people divorce, after the glow from the Honeymoon wears off, they find out it's not what they wanted.
By part time cruising, I guess when the Honeymoon glow wears off, you go home and stay until you can Honeymoon again?

[Hudson Force]

There seems to be an arbitrary division into the "Chuck it all" or "Keep the land base" scenarios, but it's not that simple. There's a huge variety among those that have ties ashore and as great a variety among those who are without anything ashore. I'm sure some others, like us, could not fit into either category because we never had anything ashore to "chuck"!

Outside of "messing around in boats" I doubt if you could find a matched set of cruisers that a making all the same choices.

[Group9]

Originally Posted by BandB

I have a cousin whose son and daughter in law both suffer from mental illness, daughter-in-law far worse than son. So my cousin and his wife at the age of 60 found themselves taking in their two grandchildren, ages 12 and 8. They love them dearly and would not have thought of anything else. They even fought in court for indefinite temporary custody. But of course it changed their plans. Suddenly schedule revolved around school year again and daily schedule meant someone home when they got out of school.

As to fault or reason why it happened, nothing gained with second guessing because we never know. I've known parents who followed every rule of the book and things still didn't work as they should have. What happens with children isn't always a reflection of the parents good or bad. My wife and I are very very very thankful that we are not like our parents and didn't lead our lives as they would have led us. We're very involved with an orphanage and see incredible kids who had lousy parents. Then we see loving, caring, decent parents, whose kids just went astray. Were they too lenient, too strict, too understanding, not understanding enough? There's really no way t know. You just do your best and hope.

I agree. My former stepson was one squared away dude, who won't even talk to his sister. He was just self reliant from a very early age.

One of the things I am seeing more and more often where I live, are young single mothers, often with drug and/or alcohol problems, who have babies with people they barely know, who quickly abandon them, where their dysfunctional behavior results in child services taking their children, leaving the grandparents with the option of taking over parenting of the grandkids themselves, or watching them go to foster care.

I'm amazed at how many relatively normal people I know who are raising their grandkids while their kids are finding themselves. It's reached epidemic proportions where I live, and I imagine it's a problem for people who wouldn't mind cruising or retiring and traveling, in a lot of places.

[sailorboy1]

[Kenomac]

Actually, it's not "off topic" and very relevant these days as to why people in their 50s and 60s are still financially bond with responsibility to their kids. We were just talking about the subject ourselves today.

Nearly every family we know still has a 30 something or nearly thirty something who refuses to get a full-time job... or any job, and continues to mooch. Most of the "kids" have 2 or 4 year college degrees which were funded by the enslaved parents of these spoiled brats.

[a64pilot]

Three and a half years ago our oldest Daughter moved back in, bringing our two Grandchildren. I told her that as long as she was going to school, I would support them.
Well, she went to the local trade school for two years. Last July I told here unless she was in school that she would not be living with us in 2015, giving her six months to prepare.
She did nothing to get ready and I kicked them out last month. I know there will be Hell to pay, but I felt that I was doing them no good supporting them, while she did nothing. She and her kids will outlive me, and I cannot support them forever, and as bad as this sounds, I will not continue to work to support them, so that she does not have to.
Wife agrees with me, so far. The tough thing is of course the Grandkids.

She is 31, 18 yr old Son is working at a cave diving shop in Fl, 16 yr old Daughter is in school. There is money to send them both to College, but I cannot sign up for raising the Grandkids, nor do I believe that is my duty, and I will not support out 31 yr old Daughter. I believe in the long run that is not healthy for her.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Hudson Force

I'm sure some others, like us, could not fit into either category because we never had anything ashore to "chuck"!
.

Curious as to whether you venture on land for trips or to visit family or just to escape ever? Ever sleep in houses or hotels?

[BandB]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

I don't believe any of us part time cruisers really understand what doing it full time can be like,

I don't believe they possibly can. Now I do believe part time cruisers can figure out full time isn't for them, but I don't think they can figure out it is for them. You don't know until you get there. I knew a couple that put their house up for sale and immediately got an offer for full price. It was at that moment they realized they couldn't sell it. Now their reasons might make no sense to some of us but be very valid for others.

[SV THIRD DAY]

In a thread about why cruising couples call it quits, I'm not sure how talking about family, kid, or societal problems can be considered off topic! Heck....we are hearing real life anweres to the question, so this info is planning Gold! In other words the retired couples out there better take into account their kids and family and how they will deal with family disasters while they are in paradise. I've seen this exact issue crush many retired cruisers who have planned their entire lives for their dream.

It goes to show a great point that not everyone who calls it quits is a failure, as many want to portray, some are being heros to a grandkid that needs them.

Now why there are so many losers in the 30 something's age group still living in their parents garage....well that may be off topic but its still important to talk about to keep the **** from happening and blowing your cruise/retirement plans.

[bobofthenorth]

Ready - Fire - AIM is used as a metaphor for change management in organizations but its equally applicable to life. Get out there, do something and adapt as you go. We'll all be a long time dead and a lot sooner than we'd like to think about it too.

In the context of this thread, a lot of us see life onboard the same boat wandering aimlessly around the globe as living in a rut much as some on this thread see real estate as a rut. Looking out around this lovely bay that we've spent the last week alone in I'm very grateful that we all don't see the world the same way or desire the same things from our worlds.

The simple answer to the OP's question is "Some cruising couples quit because its the right decision at that stage in their lives."

[skipgundlach]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

snip

I cannot sign up for raising the Grandkids, nor do I believe that is my duty, and I will not support out 31 yr old Daughter. I believe in the long run that is not healthy for her.

Unfortunately it took the admiral blowing through the entirety of my retirement (which was liquid, where hers was safely encumbered by being invested) on two of her kids, before she realized that unlike others we've "invested" in (at rates far below what they were paying and/or outright took to live on, and far below what a mutual funds investment would pay) they would not make any sort of payment, to get her to that position.

But we agree with you. Tough love is better than enabling them.