Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

[Cheechako]

I just put a roof on the house. It costs as much as you spent. I think you need to talk and convince her that you are "there" now. You are ready to go. You've spent the money and might as well go. It's not like you are proposing a round the world trip.
There may be other issues: fear of the open ocean etc. They are valid, but can be overcome. Worse case get a crew and have her meet you in Cabo.

[model 10]

There is always the wife who likes to fly in to meet you. Have her meet you at La Cruz

[oldragbaggers]

You revealed it all when you said it was definitely not her dream, it is yours.

Even people in love usually have pain thresholds when it comes to helping the other achieve a dream that they do not share. This makes it incumbent upon the dreamer to deflect as much of the pain as possible from the other. The place to start would have been by doing your own bottom paint and demonstrating that you are ready for, and able to handle, the complete cruising package, including the never ending boat maintenance without it having such devastating financial consequences.

Now she is probably terrified that every time the boat needs something it is going to drain your finances. Maybe she even fears that the money you have saved for the cruise is not adequate to get you through another couple such trips to the boatyard. If she was totally unprepared for this experience, then maybe she is wondering what else there is down the road that she doesn't see coming. Fear of being broke can be paralyzing.

[Cheechako]

I have met others whose wife flew in. You may find once she does that and IF she likes the cruising part that she may sail the next destination.

[Stu Jackson]

Originally Posted by SlugmasterP

1. It's definitely not her dream, its all mine. She's good enough to go this far with me.

2. I just don't want her to quit this close to the finish line.

I know, easy for me to say, but:

1. It's always been that way.

2. Remind her of her former "commitment" to the dream.

Don't get whipped, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

What's the REAL issue? Is it fear? Did she read Rebel Heart? Seriously.

In every single one of these types of posts I've ever read, the refusunik has some completely other issue than the one expressed. Leaving family, kids, grandkids, the house, the "knowns," Trader Joe's, her hairdresser, you name it...

[oldragbaggers]

I'm not sure I get the connection. How does "flying in" solve her problem with the financial aspects of the boat. It doesn't sound like it was the sailing that turned her off, it was the fact that she was unprepared for the expenses of boat ownership and I get the sense that she fears that the boat is going to devastate them financially. Having him sail off on the problem while she spends even more money to join him from time to time likely isn't a real solution to overcoming her fears of the poor house.

[weavis]

I cant give you advice on this situation.
I can empathise though.


Divorced 22 years ago over a similar circumstance.
Had Several Girlfriends since.
2 Aircraft.
9 Boats.
4 houses.
traveled the world.
And now looking for another boat.

I can honestly say, given the situation over......... Id swap my 2 aircraft and nine boats, and 4 houses and living abroad life experience in a heartbeat for....... a Gunboat 66.

Sigh.

[Eder]

Learn to lie like the rest of us.

[Cormorant]

Originally Posted by Eder

Learn to lie like the rest of us.

We have a winner!

[Stu Jackson]

In addition to a search on "wife" that I mentioned earlier, try one on "dreams."

Might even get you to the same topics!

Good luck in any event.

[Svdestiny]

Well OP Your choices are...

1 Dump the boat and your (previously agreed to) dream for this apparently manipulative and dishonest person, leaving you unhappy and resentful but you have this wonderful manipulative person to love. High chance you will end up divorced eventually.

2 call her bluff, keep the boat, lose the manipulative and dishonest wife that you love but end up battling it out with lawyers, probably keeping you from your (previously agreed to) dream,

3. Do nothing, hoping the manipulative and dishonest wife will change her mind. (Kind of like playing the lottery)

4. Keep talking, and if she's not dishonest and manipulative come up with some kind of compromise, so maybe you get some part of your (previously agreed to ) dream.

Good luck, and I hope there aren't any children involved. I really Really hope I'm wrong too about her being manipulative and dishonest.

[SlugmasterP]

The sailing does turn her off to some extent. She gets excited from time to time about it and we have fun at Catalina, I think we even get along a lot better when we are on the boat but overall the sailing aspect is boring for her. I explained to her that the majority of time we'll be at anchor and the fun part for her will be meeting cool people traveling and we both won't have to work at 9-5 jobs. This seemed to sit well with her; that the majority of cruising is being at anchor. I tried to frame it that this boat is our vehicle to travel the world at a leisurely pace.

[MarcHall]

You talk about trips over to Catalina on the Tartan prior to purchasing the Islander 36 but do not mention similar trips on the Islander 36.

I assume she enjoyed these trips and this was part of her buy-in to the agreement to purchase the larger boat. She probably assume that the things she enjoyed about spending time at Catalina would be available to her while cruising Pacific Mexico.

When we were preparing the boat to head south the trips to Catalina became very infrequent and instead weekends were filled with working and provisioning the boat and working to shut down our life in the States.

If this is your experience, perhaps deleting some items from your must-do list and spending some time enjoying the boat and heading over to Catalina together might be in order.

Most anything that you are thinking about doing to the boat can be done in Mexico and you may find that you can do without some things that were must-haves prior to trip.

Oh, my wife at the time and I are divorced now. Partially due to my desire to explore new sites and anchorages and her desire to sit and enjoy whatever anchorage we were currently sitting in .... and me not listening.

Regards
Marc Hall
www.svcrazyfish.com

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Svdestiny

I really Really hope I'm wrong too about her being manipulative and dishonest.

Its a partnership.

At some stage one partner got antsy. Trouble as I see it is when one starts calling the shots and changing a previously agreed deal, or..... thinks the deal is going belly up financially and needs to assert themselves on it.

The partnership is where it is. You either dissolve the partnership or let the whole deal slide.

Seems to me, If this is a Big DEAL to you, and important..... you have lost either way.

Pick which choice you can live with the easiest. Its different for everyone.

[Kenomac]

Let's see...
$700 or so for haul out & yard time
$2000 for bottom paint in California with all the Eco regs & stuff
$2000 can easily be spent to repair and replace a handful of thu hulls
Plus more for prop and stuffing box.

Unless you can do things yourself and you intend to continue living in Southern California... Get used to it. Boating is not cheap.