Spouse hates my boat

[erikdapirate]

I would like to thank NTSCOUT for starting this thread... no snide joke intended... While reading though this thread I saw the post about the book "Get Her On Board" from Nick O'Kelly. So I bought it on amazon ($3) and IT IS SO RIGHT... AND I AM SO WRONG. (and I am only on Chapter 5)

I am 47, the wife and I both have jobs, 2 kids soon to start college, a house, an RV and a 26' Mac X sailboat.... and I want to dump it all and spend the rest of my life cruising... with my wife.

The wife is not sold, but the book is telling me why and how to get her on board. I would suggest this to any MAN.

I have always said to my friends... there is nothing more important; not cars, house, money or things, than my time and relationship with my partner... cause in the 'end' it will just be us... and time is the only thing that cannot be bought or recaptured...



Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard

[lesterbutch]

Ericdapirate
Thank you, i think you have summed this whole Thing up admirably! I don't think you could say it better.

[fishsail]

NTSCOUT you have a tough road ahead, I am 54 and went thru the same thing. grew up boating and have done so my entire life. Wife #2 lasted for almost 17 years, she told me that "we" humans didn't belong on the water and that she would never go on a sailboat or live on one. So what did I do?I bought a sailboat.. It was the hardest decision I ever made but one day I came home and told her I was moving out. Of coarse we had other issues and a non perfect marriage anyway. I think the boat was more of my excuse to leave? In any case fast forward a year I met a great girl that also grew up boating and can't wait to take off with me. She is actually in more of a hurry than I am.
Anyway just so you know your not old at 54 and there is a whole lot of life ahead of you-God willing, I wish you the best of luck.

[Fearnow]

Originally Posted by erikdapirate

I would like to thank NTSCOUT for starting this thread... no snide joke intended... While reading though this thread I saw the post about the book "Get Her On Board" from Nick O'Kelly. So I bought it on amazon ($3) and IT IS SO RIGHT... AND I AM SO WRONG. (and I am only on Chapter 5)

I am 47, the wife and I both have jobs, 2 kids soon to start college, a house, an RV and a 26' Mac X sailboat.... and I want to dump it all and spend the rest of my life cruising... with my wife.

The wife is not sold, but the book is telling me why and how to get her on board. I would suggest this to any MAN.

I have always said to my friends... there is nothing more important; not cars, house, money or things, than my time and relationship with my partner... cause in the 'end' it will just be us... and time is the only thing that cannot be bought or recaptured...



Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Great read! I wish I read it before buying my boat. I did all of the the things you're not supposed to.Ha!

[tinpusher]

Listen to the song by Brad Paisley, " I'm going to miss her".

[savoir]

And if that doesn't work you could always listen to this song which might help some.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW9-FOLG-iA

[Rustic Charm]

Wow! Marriage counselling on cruising forum.

I reakon your stuffed!

[tinpusher]

IMHO "give up your dream or give up me" is one of those questions that will end up in the same place regardless of what the answer is.

[Capt Nemo]

Maybe the spouse is hoping he chooses the boat. Is it a possibility the she is trying to find a way out out?

[bigbrownpilot]

Have a friend wrestling with similar (non-boat) issues. You can have a good marriage and not always enjoy the same things. But you both have the right to be happy and do things you enjoy, together or separately. If she is making you feel bad about enjoying your boat, that's wrong. Told my buddy that he can't live the life she's picked out for him to live- you have to live your own life. If you can do it together, great. But if you can't, maybe it's time to go separate ways.


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[ntscout]

Ok, I stirred up quite a lively debate. I overreacted and made a stupid post. All is well that ends well so this thread needs to come to a close. Love your wife as I do mine and work it out.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by ntscout

Ok, I stirred up quite a lively debate. I overreacted and made a stupid post. All is well that ends well so this thread needs to come to a close. Love your wife as I do mine and work it out.

All's well that ends well. Don't beat yourself up over the post. The only stupid posts came from others.

Best of luck to you and the wife.

[George DuBose]

Wow! 19 pages of posts about wives and boats that don't get along. Must be a common thread in a lot of lives. Pardon the pun.

For those of us that are sailors, we need to get on the water, it's part of our lives. It's what makes sailor special.

Take that away and what do you have?

I have made this clear to all of my wives ;>)...don't come between me and my boat.

My current wife has taken the point. She understands that there are three females in my life, my wife Susanne, the boat "Skylark" and my oldtime Volvo "Swede".

The pecking order is subject to change as all three of them give me varying amounts of trouble at different times.

But I love all three of them...

[Auds]

Originally Posted by ntscout

ok, so long time lurker, not much of a poster. Really need some advice on this.

I have an older boat that I have completely restored to like new condition. Surveyor says it is in bristol condition. I absolutely adore this boat and have put so many hours into researching, restoring and using it. Recently got my 100T Captains license as well.

Here's the rub, my wife hates my boat, the slowness of boat travel and the ocean. Not only that, but she hates it when I want to use the boat by myself or go somewhere with a group of boaters. I love boating, have had boats all my life (two boats before marriage even) except when kids (and their horses, braces, education etc) depleted all available funds.

It is not a money issue - I retired early with no debt and money in the bank. I am not sure what kind of issue it is but the long and short of it is that I have been given an ultimatum about my "obsession" and told to sell it because it is damaging the marriage.

Looking for help understanding this. Almost cried today when I faxed the signed listing over to the broker. Now I am lost, I don't have any other hobbies or interests. I almost feel like a close friend has died.

What does a sailor without a boat do? Where to go on this?

My husband bought a boat about 2 yrs ago. He had his friend more involved than me. He is now considering to biy a bigger boat and he is doing the same thing despite knowing it will annoy me. I am guessing your wife needs to feel that she is part of your "boat". Buy another one WITH her, maybe.

[Rustic Charm]

Originally Posted by Auds

My husband bought a boat about 2 yrs ago. He had his friend more involved than me. He is now considering to biy a bigger boat and he is doing the same thing despite knowing it will annoy me. I am guessing your wife needs to feel that she is part of your "boat". Buy another one WITH her, maybe.

or, weigh up which one you have spent more time with, invested more time and effort with, which one looks the best and which one do you have more fun with.

And get rid of the other