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Stewie12 · 22-12-2021, 16:28

Very sensible comments.

Mike Banks · 22-12-2021, 16:47

Any kids? I am thinking if no kids, and sailing means everything, bear in mind that there is no lack of seamen.

DeValency · 22-12-2021, 19:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve tried that, it’s like pulling teeth to get him onboard for the weekend. I pack and provision, All he has to do is show up. I’m over it.
I’ve moved back onboard and it’s working. I’m happy,

If it's working and you're happy, it gets straight to the "As long as it's fun" section in my virtual audible library: https://www.amazon.com/Voyages-Extra.../dp/1929214987

Looks like you've found it!

iSaint · 27-12-2021, 19:22

Ladies, I only have a smail sailboat but would gladly join you on yours.

Rudix · 03-01-2022, 09:17

Interesting discussion!

Around 1996 I started getting interested in sailing/cruising. After a lot of reading and sail training we (wife and myself) sold everything and bought a boat.

Initially everything is fine but after a while, a year or so, I think my wife started missing a "normal" life and family and friends (we did make some great sailing friends!) even though she often went to visit family.

Eventually, after about 24 months, she went to visit her sister, the 2 week visit was extended a few times till she eventually told me she is not coming back to the yacht and I must choose. Well, I chose her, sold the boat, bought a house again and returned to "normal" life. Things were ok but I always felt a bit sad when I saw a yacht or read about sailing.

Now fast forward 21 years, yes, we are still (happily) married, I have now retired and we moved out of the city. Since I still have a dream to go sail I have started looking at yachts and moorings again. I have not exactly shared my dream/plans yet with my wife but I am sure she knows.

This time I want to do it differently, firstly, and I think this is important, I am not planning on selling anything especially not the house. Last time we had to so we could afford to go sail plus we were at least 7-8 hours away from the ocean. Now we are less than 2 hours away and financially I can afford to just buy a yacht and go sail, I am retired anyway!

I also do not really plan to circumnavigate this time (was my dream last time) and would be happy with some local (well, local as in Indian ocean) sailing only and going home when I/she feels like it or during the bad weather season.

I can only hope this plan will go down well, will go for a short day trip or two first with her, hopefully she will enjoy it again like when we first started!

Wish me luck!

goboatingnow · 03-01-2022, 12:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudix

Interesting discussion!

Around 1996 I started getting interested in sailing/cruising. After a lot of reading and sail training we (wife and myself) sold everything and bought a boat.

Initially everything is fine but after a while, a year or so, I think my wife started missing a "normal" life and family and friends (we did make some great sailing friends!) even though she often went to visit family.

Eventually, after about 24 months, she went to visit her sister, the 2 week visit was extended a few times till she eventually told me she is not coming back to the yacht and I must choose. Well, I chose her, sold the boat, bought a house again and returned to "normal" life. Things were ok but I always felt a bit sad when I saw a yacht or read about sailing.

Now fast forward 21 years, yes, we are still (happily) married, I have now retired and we moved out of the city. Since I still have a dream to go sail I have started looking at yachts and moorings again. I have not exactly shared my dream/plans yet with my wife but I am sure she knows.

This time I want to do it differently, firstly, and I think this is important, I am not planning on selling anything especially not the house. Last time we had to so we could afford to go sail plus we were at least 7-8 hours away from the ocean. Now we are less than 2 hours away and financially I can afford to just buy a yacht and go sail, I am retired anyway!

I also do not really plan to circumnavigate this time (was my dream last time) and would be happy with some local (well, local as in Indian ocean) sailing only and going home when I/she feels like it or during the bad weather season.

I can only hope this plan will go down well, will go for a short day trip or two first with her, hopefully she will enjoy it again like when we first started!

Wish me luck!

This is not unlike me.

Did stacks of offshore sailing , mainly deliveries , trans oceans etc.

Expressed desire to sail long distances to wife ( we had done lots of warm water charter boating and then local boating in warm climates living on board. )

She knew she likes boats. Zero interest in long passages. Absolutely zero.

Then broached selling houses( I hate houses ) that added another lead ballon.

Back and forth as we chartered over the years and owned local boats.

Finally I realised , wife way more important then my dreams.

Retired , bought a small boat in the Ionian now we spend 9 months sailing , each year a little more adventurous . ( maybe the Aegean this year ) work out great really great. ( she says I use 30 years of sailing experience to make the boat go slower not faster ! )

Still have the damn house cause she wants a “base” at least next year we’ll rent it out.

DMF Sailing · 03-01-2022, 13:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

This is not unlike me.

Did stacks of offshore sailing , mainly deliveries , trans oceans etc.

Expressed desire to sail long distances to wife ( we had done lots of warm water charter boating and then local boating in warm climates living on board. )

She knew she likes boats. Zero interest in long passages. Absolutely zero.

Then broached selling houses( I hate houses ) that added another lead ballon.

Back and forth as we chartered over the years and owned local boats.

Finally I realised , wife way more important then my dreams.

Retired , bought a small boat in the Ionian now we spend 9 months sailing , each year a little more adventurous . ( maybe the Aegean this year ) work out great really great. ( she says I use 30 years of sailing experience to make the boat go slower not faster ! )

Still have the damn house cause she wants a “base” at least next year we’ll rent it out.

Is the "small boat" that Bavaria 36? (Germane to this discussion, a Bavaria 37 convinced me that I like living alone on a boat, having found no one who wants to join me, and that it's big enough for me to live on, and not too big to singlehand)

Celestialsailor · 03-01-2022, 16:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudix

Interesting discussion!

Around 1996 I started getting interested in sailing/cruising. After a lot of reading and sail training we (wife and myself) sold everything and bought a boat.

Initially everything is fine but after a while, a year or so, I think my wife started missing a "normal" life and family and friends (we did make some great sailing friends!) even though she often went to visit family.

Eventually, after about 24 months, she went to visit her sister, the 2 week visit was extended a few times till she eventually told me she is not coming back to the yacht and I must choose. Well, I chose her, sold the boat, bought a house again and returned to "normal" life. Things were ok but I always felt a bit sad when I saw a yacht or read about sailing.

Now fast forward 21 years, yes, we are still (happily) married, I have now retired and we moved out of the city. Since I still have a dream to go sail I have started looking at yachts and moorings again. I have not exactly shared my dream/plans yet with my wife but I am sure she knows.

This time I want to do it differently, firstly, and I think this is important, I am not planning on selling anything especially not the house. Last time we had to so we could afford to go sail plus we were at least 7-8 hours away from the ocean. Now we are less than 2 hours away and financially I can afford to just buy a yacht and go sail, I am retired anyway!

I also do not really plan to circumnavigate this time (was my dream last time) and would be happy with some local (well, local as in Indian ocean) sailing only and going home when I/she feels like it or during the bad weather season.

I can only hope this plan will go down well, will go for a short day trip or two first with her, hopefully she will enjoy it again like when we first started!

Wish me luck!

Welcome to the forum. First wife, when owning a boat said she wanted to go cruising. Two years later, she ended up with the house and I also last the boat in order to buy back into the market. Current wife likes hanging out on the boat I have now but again. no desire to sail. But at least this one isn't after the ranch.

SurferShane · 08-01-2022, 17:00

Not another. How demanding can these partners be?

Mine even keeps asking me if the Bristol 24 would get us across to New Zealand? Not responsibility I keep answering. Looks like I am in the market for another boat!

Howard888 · 08-01-2022, 19:26

Well if you do get there look us up. We sailed to New Zealand across the Pacific 17 years ago... and we're still here.
We bought Atlantis Backpackers in Picton so now the tourists come to us rather than the other way round.

SurferShane · 09-01-2022, 02:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard888

Well if you do get there look us up. We sailed to New Zealand across the Pacific 17 years ago... and we're still here.
We bought Atlantis Backpackers in Picton so now the tourists come to us rather than the other way round.

Thanks. Give us a few years and we will be there.

dan104 · 18-08-2022, 10:43

I hear your pain; I live just the flip. My wife is a real chicken and will not go out with me but will visit on dock.

We have been together for 26 years and few years back she spent couple of months a year in FL winter, and I came down off and on, it was not fun.

Now, I have committed to spending most of this winter sailing the VI’s aboard a Gozzard 36. I hope to convince her to come along and working it slowly but I have no expectation. I am thinking of finding a sailing wife (non-sexual) just want to share adventure.

Shrew · 18-08-2022, 11:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farawaysailor

We’ve tried that, it’s like pulling teeth to get him onboard for the weekend. I pack and provision, All he has to do is show up. I’m over it.
I’ve moved back onboard and it’s working. I’m happy,

I am happy for you that you're happy. Just an unsolicited opinion......This isn't actually compromising. This is really each of you digging in your heals and doing what you want, regardless of the other person's interest.......alone.

The risk is which one of you will harbor resentment that the other person chose to live separately or is somehow holding each other's desires hostage??