How Do You Let Go?

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by darylat8750

This is the classic question. DoI:

Marry,
B. Honda.
B. The girl next door?

Buy,Rent
A. Exotic Italian sports car that has to have the engine removed (by a man whose name you can't pronounce but sounds like a cast member of "The Sopranos ") to replace the timing belts at astonishingly short intervals.
A. Manic depressive go go dancer with a slight drug problem?


Only you can tell if your heart is strong enough and your pockets are deep enough.

If you decide to make an offer, make it LOW.

There ya go. I fixed that up for ya...

Marriage is so Leave it to Beaver 1950s.

And as Dad said, "If it flies, floats or fornicates, rent it..."

I'm going with the A list.

[bankerboy1]

Well said!

[JerseyJoe]

Originally Posted by Cheechako

Sooner or later you have to go with something. I've never found the right boat in the right condition....

I agree. After setting my parameters, boat, cost, time, intentions for use I chose a 37 year old boat with 'good bones'. I sailed it for half a year and intentionally put it on hard for a 1-2 year refit. Nothing wrong for coastal sailing, but it's a 37 year old boat that I plan on taking far.

I have commenced stripping the entire interior, refitting all plumbing, electric and seacocks, rebuilding or replacing every pump, pull the shaft, rebuild the diesel, going over all woodwork, painting every nook and cranny. Same with exterior. Mast stripped, new standing and running rigging, lights rewired. topsides repainted and non skid on coach roof.

For 2 years hard work I will know exactly how every component works, who installed them and how best to get to them for repairs while underway, with what tools and parts needed. (Believe me, some places require contortionist skills to get to) Not something I want to debate about when in a fix. I call it due diligence and prudence. In the end I can rest assured that many tasks will not be needed for years down the road, but if they are I'm well prepared to handle the task.

So go get your boat with 'good bones' and give it some love. Then sail the heck out of it.

[Sandero]

Julie,
You are not going to get psychological help on this forum. Sure all sailors have an emotional (love thing) going about the sea, boats, the cruising lifestyle and so on. But the key point which has come through in so many of these posts is that the emotional "trip" needs to be built upon a foundation of facts and technical points. It makes not sense to dream dreams that can't happen... or maybe they could. But that can only happen if the foundation is there to get from point A to point B.

Many posters have conveyed similar experiences when enchanted by a boat... None of these were step aboard and sail off into the dream. All of these required time, skill, hardwork and more money in than they imagined when they fell for the boat.

As an aside, I know that ALL my projects ALWAYS take more time and effort and usually expense than I expected. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS and that has become my reality. And this is the case now 30 yrs on having gone through the lesson over and over and over again. It is what it is. And this does not deter me or even depress me. I enjoy these projects even though I suffer through them. They are a large part of my love affair with my boat and sailing.

You seem to see these two things as detached. They are not. BUT as I said.... they can't even exist if the RESOURCES are not there... time, money and skill. And this is why our sailors here are asking about what the boat in question is... what the dream. is.

Sailors ARE dreamers but very much grounded by reality and logic.

You don't put the cart before the horse. This is not a match between the emotional and the technical. It's really pretty simple... if you can't "support" the dream in all ways.... don't dream... move on.

[Ex-Calif]

Hey, take this thread for what it is. Julie is a romantic, she's playing some "dance of the seven veils" with some boat that may or may not exist (maybe that's the dream?) and is enjoying the mental masturbation...

Maybe her reality will happen when/if she buys a(the) boat...

For me it shouldn't be "logic" and "emotion" boxing it out. It really is "logic" and "not logic" - anyone who let's emotion win the "boxing" match when buying a boat deserves what they get.

[sailorchic34]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

It really is "logic" and "not logic" - anyone who let's emotion win the "boxing" match when buying a boat deserves what they get.

Buying a sailboat is so not about logic. Pretty much everyone I know fell in love with the boat they purchased. You just know when you see the boat. The little voice, says this is it. OK sometimes the little voice is crazy.

Myself, I've been quite happy with my little Rose, emotional purchase and all.

[Sandero]

Julie, Julie, Julie...

All sailors have the romantic, dream inside them... it's what motivates to look at boats, to lust at them in the water, to sail, the work in their boats, the essentially do the irrational thing with their spare coil... spend it as opposed to invest it.

You don't do THINGS boatwise without having the dream. The dream is always there and is always there BEFORE the boat, before the work, before the cutting the dock lines. BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE...

You can't have a dream without out language... you need to conceptualize to dream. Dreams are made of stuff... and we all know... and you know what that stuff is.

Be here now... engage your rational mind... do the math, the spread sheets, and if you can't get competent help with that... so that you have the pleasure and freedom to essentially live the dream of sailing.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by sailorchic34

Buying a sailboat is so not about logic. Pretty much everyone I know fell in love with the boat they purchased. You just know when you see the boat. The little voice, says this is it. OK sometimes the little voice is crazy.

Myself, I've been quite happy with my little Rose, emotional purchase and all.

Not so sure Miss Sc.
I love good design. In my youf would get cars that looked good. I prefered some over other for this reason, and thats why many designs exist to appeal to different sensibilities.

Love them? not really...... they are just lumps of metal shaped. Once you own them the faults and idiosyncrasies become apparent. I have yet to meet a car I love rather than like a lot.

Same with boats. I prefer one over another due to shape, sea kindliness and ease of maintenance... I can be perfectly content and trust it and like it a lot......... but if another came along that had the edge of my existing one in certain areas....... Id jump ship.

I guess that makes me fickle.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by TheThunderbird

I feel like Julie is a nice provocateur.

A frustrated writer..........

and we still dont know what boat it is....

[oldragbaggers]

Originally Posted by Sandero

Julie,
You are not going to get psychological help on this forum. Sure all sailors have an emotional (love thing) going about the sea, boats, the cruising lifestyle and so on. But the key point which has come through in so many of these posts is that the emotional "trip" needs to be built upon a foundation of facts and technical points. It makes not sense to dream dreams that can't happen... or maybe they could. But that can only happen if the foundation is there to get from point A to point B.

Many posters have conveyed similar experiences when enchanted by a boat... None of these were step aboard and sail off into the dream. All of these required time, skill, hardwork and more money in than they imagined when they fell for the boat.

As an aside, I know that ALL my projects ALWAYS take more time and effort and usually expense than I expected. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS and that has become my reality. And this is the case now 30 yrs on having gone through the lesson over and over and over again. It is what it is. And this does not deter me or even depress me. I enjoy these projects even though I suffer through them. They are a large part of my love affair with my boat and sailing.

You seem to see these two things as detached. They are not. BUT as I said.... they can't even exist if the RESOURCES are not there... time, money and skill. And this is why our sailors here are asking about what the boat in question is... what the dream. is.

Sailors ARE dreamers but very much grounded by reality and logic.

You don't put the cart before the horse. This is not a match between the emotional and the technical. It's really pretty simple... if you can't "support" the dream in all ways.... don't dream... move on.

Excellent post. You have summed up our experience as well.

Julie, pay special attention to that bold part. Take that 2 month time period on the hard, and the $$ amount you estimate repairs and upgrades will take, multiply it by 4 or 5 and then ask yourself if you would still do it under those conditions. If you would, then knock Ms. Logical on her keister and make a (low) offer.

[gonesail]

what with all the tired and questionable boats out there and the ones priced somewhere in another solar system .. it leaves us with the one you choose .. the one that you can set the sails in glittering waters .. the one that will look good to you every time you see it .. even the last time when it sails off with another owner. if there is a conflict in your decision then walk away .. you are not ready that's all.

[Sandero]

Julie is smart... she understands exactly the calculus here... but she is playing with the sort of irrational driver in "relationships"... and truly a boat is a love affair relationship... but like one with a person... you need a place to live, a job or income to support yourself and all the love and the passion you feel for someone is only going to lead to despair if you don't have the wherewithall to sustain it. PERIOD FULL STOP. All this talk about bringing home the mate your parents hate is simply knowing that you are ignoring the rational side. With a boat it could ultimately mean your life... not a break up with a person.
This emotional pull stuff is not only the province of the female psyche but it does seem that many let emotions drive too many of the decisions. Julie seems aware of this and she's trying to be more rational and weigh the two positions. Time to get real and stop believe the romance novels are anything like real life.
You have incredible wisdom in the forum members... they generously share it. Use it. This sort of thing did not exist for many who sort of did it on their own.

[Suijin]

The longer you wait, the more educated and rational a decision you'll make. That's just a fact.

If you were looking for some one-of-a-kind boat or a deal-of-the-century boat then you'd be in a different position, but you're not.

The kind of boat you want comes on the market with decent frequency. Hang in there.

[Julie Mor]

Just before Round 3, Emotional was shaking her head she had let her guard down. But she was now ready and felt she detected an opening in Logical’s defense…

Round 3:

Logical came out swinging but missed badly. She was off her game. There was music in the air
“But now the days are short. I’m in the autumn of the year. And now I think of my life as…”

Emotional hit her hard! Logical stumbled back.
“How will you think of your life ten years from now? Will you be sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of that house, still waiting?… for whatever? The kids are grown. They have families, jobs and lives to live. The Cat’s in the Cradle, Sister!”

Emotional had Logical on the ropes. All Logical could do was protect herself from the repeated blows. The spreadsheets flew into the air, bank statements fell to the floor, the lists were in tatters.

“See that future old lady, Ms. Logical? What is she thinking? What does she do every day? Keep the house clean?” “Is that the kind of future you want?”

Logical fell to the mat. The ref stepped in and pointed Emotional to the corner. She stepped away.

1….. 2…. 3….

Logical shook her head. She was in a fog. If she got back up would she have the strength to fight?

4…. 5…. 6…. 7….

Logical stood up and looked across the ring. Emotional’s expression was sending images of tropical islands, white sand beaches and drinks with umbrellas in them.

She felt faint. The room started spinning and ….

[Sandero]

hahahaha... Julie this is so enchanting.... I love the meta level upon which you perch watching yourself struggle with your future. It's very good. You continue to disengage your dreams and musings from the fact that they are only possible with commitment to time, skill and cash. You won't commit to the latter absent the dream driver... and why bother with the former without that goal over the horizon?

You definitely should write a book about your awakening into your dream and making it happen. The boxing metaphor is a tad too cute though. ;-)