Some Family and Friends Are Giving Me a Fit About Going Cruising

[speakeasy]

Two thoughts occur to me. First, particularly in southern culture, is the protective attitude about girls and women. Throughout all of history, educated/middle class and above women have always needed the protection of a male from the brutish nature of society. And yes, that protection usually came with a price in loss of power. Even though things have changed radically for women in the last hundred years, the old habits and attitudes die hard, some going away as the inflexible old ones slip away.

Secondly, friends almost never support radical change among one of their own, especially if they have no way of understanding what is involved. They don't wish to lose one of the pillars of their own happiness and security that the leaving of the one involves. It can make "the one" angry when they assume that their friends of all people, would attempt to understand and should always wish them well, but most of us are not that evolved spiritually, are selfish, and cruising off on a boat is, in their world, a radical departure.

You sound experienced and are clearly smart enough to begin finding the support you want where it is to be found. I'm sure you two have a wonderful adventure ahead, which btw, is the response I got as a man, often wistfully, from other men upon hearing I'd bought the boat and was about to be off.

[High Heels]

All such insightful replies. I Thank You!

At this point I feel completely indulgent having posted this in the first place, but I needed to call back to my touchstone, and at this point in space that is you all! So thanks again.

I grew up in Annapolis, Maryland...and while some may say that is the South, to my Dad's relatives from Texas I was always a 'Yankee'. My Dad included me in projects he was doing if I showed interest. My Mom is a very independent woman especially having to work and put a good majority of the food on the table after my parent's split.

My Mom actually dated many men who owned sailboats and raced in the beginning of dating she did. She also went out and bought a 17 foot boat called a 'Bluenose' and we went sailing together after she took a J-World course.

So my family life was not comprised of necessarily conventional roles.

I was raised an only child. My Dad had another child with my StepMom but my brother was not born until I was 16 and I did not grow up with him and only lived with my Dad half of my summers and alternating holidays.

I think my Mom is petrified of losing me. She has had a lot of loss in her Life. Significant family and loves of her life have died way too young, and now I feel like she feels I am all that she has. But this is too much for me to carry, since I have been carrying this feeling since I was 10.

Ok, enough digression into my personal life.

Zeehag, I love your posts! Don't worry the High Heels were thrown off a long time ago. That is why I chose the name for the forum because the only High Heels I like are heeling on the boat. I wear them as infrequently as I possibly can.

And, michaeldsusa - that is what I was eluding to in my original post...No one has been giving my Husband this kind of grief. Of course, no one gives him grief at all, because he is just not open to it. Well, his sister did give him grief, and me some, until I reminded her that she has been a police officer since she was 21 years old, and I worry about her all the time...

SailNautilus, Thank you for your perspective! Very impressive list of achievements there. I appreciate you sharing your insight with me. As well, Thank You for reminding me that the cruising community is not unlike the real world...and that any hangups I have now, will be there on the water too, that is inspiration to keep evolving and not get lazy in pushing myself to seek new awareness.

speakeasy, all good points...

It is just rough when one of the most important relationships in my Life is being tested, but the other person is not being transparent. I am trying to just let go.

I just feel like this is a huge reclamation of that which brings me Joy. That is what I am going to focus on.

[Chief Engineer]

Ignore the snipers......It is just like all the so-called liberated-break-the- glass-ceiling women who are so vindictive against Republican Women.....

If a man said some of those things to another man....he'd be on his keister after a swift punch in the snoot.

Throw off the lines....live your dream and send them a postcard.

[zeehag]

speakeasy--you paraphrase me almost!--lol---
skype em weekly , show em yer tan, have a ball, and they will love it--send toomany pix so they get reallllly pissed off....
high heels are only good for costuming and if they have nonskid soles LOL.. then i would wear that outfit in my avatar..LOL

[Charlie]

HH you are spending a lot of time and energy worrying about what others are saying. You know what you want. You are getting it. Just bend like a reed in the wind. When you get upset apply that energy to something that can help you on cruising whether it is a nav class, a ham class, making things for the boat etc. My 14 year old daughter has taught me this lesson -- she doesn't argue with me when she doesn't want to do something I ask her. She just says, "Yes Daddy." And then doesn't do it. Then I have to follow up on her. A comment such as, "That's a good point. I'll have to think about it." And then changing the direction of or ending the conversation. YOu are never going to get everyone on your side but you have to ask yourself if it is worth getting upset about it.

[senormechanico]

My sister inlaw is a second grade public school teacher.
When unreasonable parents demand ridiculous things, she just says in an almost musical tone,

"Oh wouldn't that be nice!"


Reading between the lines she's saying, "Are you out of your fricken' mind, you idiot? Never in a million years!"

[Tellie]

I've no doubt that friends and family have fear. Their fear is real and it comes out usually in the form of telling you that you are in the wrong. But the real fear they are dealing with and facing, a fear most of them will never admit, is the fear that they themselves are not living their lives to the fullest. The issue really is not that they are afraid for you but rather that you scare them. You shake the very foundation on which they have built their lives. But it is a foundation built on what others have prescribed for them. The vast majority of people are followers. You have chosen to break away from that. Your choice to go off the farm will always cause fear amoung the followers.

[MarkJ]

When I rang Mum on Christmas day, just before she hung up on me to save money on the phone call she said: "I haven't sent you a Christmas present but I will give it to you when you get Home".


So, HH, the presure will not stop as long as you are away. They will try to grind you down into conformity.

Forget them.

Loose them.

Live life for yourself.






Mark

[perchance]

Are you crazy? You will diethebboatwillsinkbekinnappedbypiratesrobbedraped and sundry other fates worse than death. On the other hand you could just go out and have the time of your life and enjoy the most incredible experience you could ever imagine. When in doubt, turn up the volume on that distant drummer.

[zeehag]

my momma doesnt mind me going off into oblivion -- as long as she has a spot tracker on me..LOL..... wants to know where her baby is--LOL.. at my age i am still her baby....LOL

[HerBoat]

I have faced the same thing. Imagine telling your family and friends you are going to buy and live on a boat when you've never owned a boat. I got the " have you lost your mind" looks. But I've never been one to live my life by the way others think I should. I'm a single woman too. I love challenges and learning new things. And with decision I'm going to have plenty of that! I'm couldn't be more excited or happier!

[High Heels]

Thanks Everyone for your replies and support! In regards to those naysayers that I let get under my craw, and in the words of one of them, "Opinions are like #$(holes, everyone has one...."

I just need to keep that in mind and change my perspective, which is a good thing, and LONG overdue.

I do appreciate you all taking the time to post...Happy New Year!

[feelsgood]

Originally Posted by High Heels

So my Husband and myself have been planning on going cruising for a little while now. It takes time to change directions after twenty years of full steam ahead in a Life of typical Suburban Life. Careers, house, stuff...

We have had our home on the market for two months now and we are getting closer to realizing 'OUR' dream...

Well, a family member that I am very close to has been talking about our cruising plans behind my back, and I find out that a close friend of both of ours has been also agreeing that I am being 'ridiculous'. They are seemingly blaming my husband for the fact I was working on one of our boat's bottoms last winter/spring mostly on my own (I am self employed at the moment and working very little) and that this is not 'woman's work'.

It is partially my fault because in moments of frustration with the plan and when I was having anxiety dealing with all of the logistics I talked too much to certain people...BUT, I do not think this gives them the right to bad mouth my plans and me behind my back.

It is just tough.

What this high lights for me is that as much as I want to think the world is one that is equal, there is still this belief that women should stay with in certain parameters, and certain expectations do exist in a great majority of people's minds in regards to what women 'should' do with their lives.

Very few people in our family and group of friends is questioning my Husband's motivations for going cruising or seeking adventure in his Life. The few that are, then look to me with what seems like a silent request to 'talk some sense into him'.

It is all very interesting and maddening.

I am smart enough to realize some of this is fear of losing me either just in proximity, or a fear that I will perish out there in the Ocean.

The advice to keep it to yourself that you are going cruising until you shove off I think is VERY good advice.

I am just sad that I do not have more positive support in my immediate family of our plans. I grew up in Annapolis and those, that are having the hardest time with our plans are the very ones that took me sailing at the age of 3.

I do think that society in general has very different expectations for women than they do for men. How dare I not have children?, How dare I leave my family behind for some far flung adventure of my own?, How dare I not keep my feet on the ground?!?

The sad part is that this will probably be the last Christmas we are home for the next couple Christmases, and I got so upset by the bologna flying through the air that I decided to not go home for Christmas...

So yes, Don Lucas, Sailing Women can have 'Issues' too

Hey you have to tell ALL the family that they have to grow up and except the fact that you are a clever little girl with a clever little boy to help you and you ARE going to have some FUN but will call when you get back. LOL Pete& Sally