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Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:19

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:20

A priest went into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest. A few days later a police officer came in. “How much do I owe you?” the cop asked after his haircut. “No charge, officer,” the barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer. A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. “How much do I owe you?” he asked afterward. “No charge,” the barber replied. “I consider it a service to my country.” The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:21

Politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes.” another man answered. “What on Earth is he talking about?” “I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:26

When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, “Not again.”

Q: What did Bill Clinton say when asked if he used protection? A: Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:28

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn’t swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope, “How was your night in Hell?” “Very educational,” responded the Pope. “I’ve learned a lot from the experience, but now I’m glad I’m going to Heaven. I’ve been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary.” “Ooh, sorry,” said Clinton, “you should have been there yesterday.”

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:29

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. “What is it?” exclaims the President.

“It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President – what do you want to do about it?”

“Just go ahead and pay it.”

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:32

Q: How did we know that Monica would testify? A: Because she has a history of not being able to keep her mouth closed.

Q. What is Lewinsky’s code name in the FBI? A: Deep Throat.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 13:33

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our own money.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 15:27

Just saying, or asking:

Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

The EU now has 1 GB of free space.

"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.

People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 15:28

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?"

Donald Trump states, "I already have."

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 15:31

They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because even Donald Trump can't get over them.

Montanan · 22-02-2023, 15:36

What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.

Q: What did the corrupt congressman order on Election Day?
A: Stuffed ballots.