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21-09-2021, 21:01
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#916
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: South Carolina
Boat: SeaRunner 37, 11.3 metres
Posts: 445
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
How could you resist this puzzle on a long cruise? Sold Out.
__________________
In theory, practice and theory are the same. In practice they are not.
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22-09-2021, 05:45
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#917
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 49,650
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Q: Why does an American border patrol guard take Xanax?
A: To stop Hispanic attacks.
A man from the US goes to the Canadian Rockies, in order to hike.
However, he encounters a grizzly bear. By some miracle, he manages to survive, and decides to keep the bear claws as a trophy, so he cut the bear’s arms off.
Finished with his hike, he decides to go back to the US. As he drives to the border, he realizes that he needs to hide the claws in fear of poaching. He hides them, and continues on his way.
When he reaches the border, his car is stopped and searched, by the border patrol officer. The officer finds the bear claws, and asks the man why he hid them. The man replies that he was afraid of getting arrested on poaching charges.
The officer says, "You don't need to hide them; in the US, you have a right to bear arms."
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"
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22-09-2021, 13:34
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#918
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 492
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
How do you tell a Grizzly bear from a Brown bear if you’re ever confronted by one?
Simple. Hit it on the head and run up the nearest tree. If it climbs the tree and eats you, it’s a Brown bear. If it pulls the tree down and eats you, it’s a Grizzly.
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22-09-2021, 13:50
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#919
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: South Carolina
Boat: SeaRunner 37, 11.3 metres
Posts: 445
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Ha! Reminds me of the Polar Bear with it's head at a big hole in top of an igloo: "I love these things! Crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside!"
__________________
In theory, practice and theory are the same. In practice they are not.
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22-09-2021, 15:04
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#920
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines in the winters
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,369
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay
A guys at a bar, when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.
The man says "wow, that's amazing! This will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?"
His friend next to him says "man I hope never"
The first man looks at him and says "why's that?"
The friend replies saying "well that doctor is known in his area for doing things such as fighting for the unequal, giving to those that are poor, and helping the homeless around him.”
The man is confused and says "so what's that have to do with anything?"
His friend looks back at him and says
"werent you listening?
He’s a f***king socialist."
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All those services are also provided by the Church. The Church also helps the migrants to a point.
Don't ya know that Doctors just practice but never say Oops.
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the midst of a storm!
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22-09-2021, 18:20
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#921
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Marine Service Provider
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Victoria B.C.
Boat: Wauquiez Centurion 32
Posts: 2,874
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellowtulip
How do you tell a Grizzly bear from a Brown bear if you’re ever confronted by one?
Simple. Hit it on the head and run up the nearest tree. If it climbs the tree and eats you, it’s a Brown bear. If it pulls the tree down and eats you, it’s a Grizzly.
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Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.
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22-09-2021, 19:52
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#922
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines in the winters
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,369
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitiempo
Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.
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Shoulda used Kodiak bear………
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the midst of a storm!
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22-09-2021, 23:43
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#924
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,891
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic
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But Kodiak <> grizzly. Two different sub-species of brown bear
(But I think the joke is supposed to be grizzly v black bear )
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22-09-2021, 23:56
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#925
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 21,242
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Hey, I LOLed at the joke, even though I had some doubts about the species, etc.
BUT... I never have heard the limbs of bears called "arms"... usually called legs in my experience. None the less, I did laugh!
Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II, lying Port Cygnet Tasmania once again.
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23-09-2021, 00:09
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#926
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Haida Gwaii
Boat: Landfall 39 - Ron Amy
Posts: 494
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Some of our local bear safety rules.
First off - when in the bush always carry pepper spray and wear jingly bells.
Second- it’s important to know if you’re dealing with black bears or grizzlies, so pay attention to the signs.
- Black bear scat- black, gooey, full of berries.
- Grizzly bear scat- black, gooey. Smells like pepper. Full of jingly bells...
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23-09-2021, 00:58
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#927
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 49,650
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"
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23-09-2021, 01:00
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#928
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 49,650
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"
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23-09-2021, 03:29
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#929
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 492
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitiempo
Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.
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Please feel free to substitute “black” for “brown”.
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23-09-2021, 05:10
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#930
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: WNC mountains U.S.
Boat: Sabre 28
Posts: 1,217
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Re: The 2021 Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellowtulip
Please feel free to substitute “black” for “brown”.
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I don't think you can say that anymore.
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