The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[SailRN]

How could you resist this puzzle on a long cruise? Sold Out.

[GordMay]

Q: Why does an American border patrol guard take Xanax?
A: To stop Hispanic attacks.


A man from the US goes to the Canadian Rockies, in order to hike.
However, he encounters a grizzly bear. By some miracle, he manages to survive, and decides to keep the bear claws as a trophy, so he cut the bear’s arms off.
Finished with his hike, he decides to go back to the US. As he drives to the border, he realizes that he needs to hide the claws in fear of poaching. He hides them, and continues on his way.
When he reaches the border, his car is stopped and searched, by the border patrol officer. The officer finds the bear claws, and asks the man why he hid them. The man replies that he was afraid of getting arrested on poaching charges.
The officer says, "You don't need to hide them; in the US, you have a right to bear arms."

[Yellowtulip]

How do you tell a Grizzly bear from a Brown bear if you’re ever confronted by one?
Simple. Hit it on the head and run up the nearest tree. If it climbs the tree and eats you, it’s a Brown bear. If it pulls the tree down and eats you, it’s a Grizzly.

[SailRN]

Ha! Reminds me of the Polar Bear with it's head at a big hole in top of an igloo: "I love these things! Crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside!"

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by GordMay

A guys at a bar, when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.
The man says "wow, that's amazing! This will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?"
His friend next to him says "man I hope never"
The first man looks at him and says "why's that?"
The friend replies saying "well that doctor is known in his area for doing things such as fighting for the unequal, giving to those that are poor, and helping the homeless around him.”
The man is confused and says "so what's that have to do with anything?"
His friend looks back at him and says
"werent you listening?

He’s a f***king socialist."

All those services are also provided by the Church. The Church also helps the migrants to a point.
Don't ya know that Doctors just practice but never say Oops.

[mitiempo]

Originally Posted by Yellowtulip

How do you tell a Grizzly bear from a Brown bear if you’re ever confronted by one?
Simple. Hit it on the head and run up the nearest tree. If it climbs the tree and eats you, it’s a Brown bear. If it pulls the tree down and eats you, it’s a Grizzly.

Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by mitiempo

Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.

Shoulda used Kodiak bear………

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Shoulda used Kodiak bear………

Also a brown bear

https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.o...-or-brown-bear

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Also a brown bear

https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.o...-or-brown-bear

But Kodiak <> grizzly. Two different sub-species of brown bear
(But I think the joke is supposed to be grizzly v black bear )

[Jim Cate]

Hey, I LOLed at the joke, even though I had some doubts about the species, etc.

BUT... I never have heard the limbs of bears called "arms"... usually called legs in my experience. None the less, I did laugh!

Jim

[Oeanda]

Some of our local bear safety rules.

First off - when in the bush always carry pepper spray and wear jingly bells.

Second- it’s important to know if you’re dealing with black bears or grizzlies, so pay attention to the signs.

- Black bear scat- black, gooey, full of berries.
- Grizzly bear scat- black, gooey. Smells like pepper. Full of jingly bells...

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[Yellowtulip]

Originally Posted by mitiempo

Only problem is that Brown bears and Grizzly bears are one and the same.

Please feel free to substitute “black” for “brown”.

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by Yellowtulip

Please feel free to substitute “black” for “brown”.

I don't think you can say that anymore.