The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[s/v Jedi]

zxcvb

[GordMay]

[Yellowtulip]

Q: What’s the difference between a political joke and thinly-disguised political propaganda?

A: Humour

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[SailRN]

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New Dieting Tip!
Fill your tank with fuel, and you won't have any money left to waste on food!


Remember, A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and a waist is a terrible thing to mind.





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[SailRN]

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[SailRN]

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[SailRN]

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Quote received in mail today:


"Politicians and diapers must be changed often... and for the same reason."


Mark Twain


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[SailRN]

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New Tips to Impress your Date:
1. Not only have a clean car, fill the tank up too to impress.
1a. If you're planning to get "stranded" somewhere alone with your date, don't use the "must be out of gas" ploy, after all you've got a full tank (step 1). Use something like "that E15 gas must have overheated my engine!". Adding "I guess I'll go ahead and buy that new Corvette." will add to your already impressive self.

2. Not only shower prior to picking up your date, but don't forget to brush your teeth if you're planning to take your mask off.



389

[OutOfControl]

President Biden visits a remote Native American reservation. With news and camera crews following him around as they tour the place, the President asks the Indian chief if there is anything they need.

"Well," says the chief, "We have three very important needs. First, we have a medical clinic, but no doctor to run it.”

Biden whips out his cellphone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes, then hangs up. "I've pulled some strings. Your well-trained doctor will arrive in five days.” "Now what was the second problem?”

"We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking for hundreds of years. We've been flying bottled water in, but it's terribly expensive.”

Once again, Biden dials a number, yells into the phone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. "The mine has been shut down permanently per my orders, and the owner is being billed for setting up a water purification plant for your people.”

"Now what was that third problem?" asks Biden.
The chief stares at him and says, "We have no cellphone reception up here!"

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy Republicans?

“If Abraham Lincoln could see what’s happened to the Republican Party...
he would be the oldest man alive.” ~ Guy Endore-Kaiser

“No one party can fool all of the people, all of the time.
That’s why we have two parties.” ~ Bob Hope

“I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends ...
that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.” ~ Adlai Stevenson

“The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then gets elected, and proves it.” ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I just found out my Grandpa, a lifelong Republican, is going to vote Democratic, this fall.
This would never happen, if he were still alive.

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English.
For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack",
and three silent K's in "Republican".

[GordMay]

Q: What is the difference when a group of republicans scream for Trump to have "4 more years" and when a group of democrats scream it?
A: The republicans are saying it during his election, the democrats are saying it during his sentencing.

Q: What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?
A: Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

Q: How can you tell, instantly, if someone’s a Democrat or Republican?
A: Ask them “what does WWF stand for”?

Q: How do you hide money from a Republican?
A: Put it in a science textbook.

Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.

Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.


You can flip things around, if it makes you feel better.

[CaptTom]

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They only *talk* about change.

The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.
The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

Q: What do condoms and taxes have in common?
A: Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

Election night: Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work.