Single, Female, and living aboard?

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by weavis

I think you will find that is societal not a natural order. Natural order is companionship and making a family unit with or without children.

Or as I like to call it, being with yer best mate.

Natural order for the majority of species is to function in packs/tribes/swarms.. (there's safety/security in numbers..) fighting to stay in the safety of the centre away from the predators..
Humans just have a greater variety of tribes/packs/swarms.. of one kind or another.. but the function/purpose is the same.. reduce individual risk.

[lancelot9898]

Originally Posted by senormechanico

If you want to meet nice old ladies, become a sewing machine technician.
They'll beat a path to your door !


Sewing Machine Greenbank, WA - S & J Sewing Machine Services

Steve

I do have a sailrite sewing machine, but I use it so seldom that it will take me an hour reviewing the DVD to even set it up again. And who said anything about wanting a "nice" old lady. If she likes riding on the back of the Harley so much the better!

[SailingFan]

Lancelot, that one was pretty good, I must say! The Harley... Classic!


Ok, I will toss my hat into this ring because it is a great question the OP asked, and it is one I have had as well. I am not seeking companionship, I am happily married, have a friend in her who is not only willing to learn the ropes, so to speak (and literally), but who just LOVES to go forward on the deck and watch the world open as we traveled on Equinox, in our truck, or in any other aspect of our lives. She has been across the US with me, through the deserts and oilfields, into the Dakotas in sub-zero temperatures, and we are back in Florida yet again, where we first met some 25+ years ago (married ten now). We are in all regards best of friends, and she is a perfect first mate, and also Captain/Admiral as she desires.

She is entirely willing to wrangle sails, handle the tiller, cook, clean as able (she has a few disabilities but works through them as she can), and she is very accommodating to my poor moments of judgement when they arise, giving me a grin and a "now how did THAT work out?" look that makes me laugh at myself. She is a real catch!

The comments about yelling come to mind, though, and that is something we did have a slight issue with when we first started moving Equinox (renamed from Bonus, a name I detested) north, to her new home on the St. John's. We were in a relatively moderate blow for some of the trip, and the outboard ran all the way because we did not have running rigging aloft, and no way to make that happen at the time. The motor noise made hand signals necessary because shouting was not working. The fact that the Admiral had not been on a boat of this size and was desirous of manning the forward watch for shoals rather than being responsible for steering past them made it most problematic. I could not convince her that pilotage was far less critical than looking for problems, but she was exceptionally good at that process of watching, so she was happy doing a critical thing and I was happy keeping her happy and keeping us off the shoals and debris she kept finding in the ICW.

I think of yelling, and think about how people using engines may not be able to hear one another, and I am reminded of my days in the oilfields, when people could not hear one another over generators and all manner of machinery, and we used radios in areas that allowed them for communication. I think I am going to put those Garmins back into use, and we will use those. I want to stress, this is not yelling for frustration and anger, but to simply be heard. Radios can fix that even more effectively than hand signals, and definitely in combination with them. Use radios instead of yelling back and forth in noisy environments. Everyone will be happier, I think.

As far as ladies cruising alone, I am all for it. I think it about time that people quite examining gender before deciding what is or is not acceptable behavior and accomplishment in someone's life. I am far more trusting of someone who has been able to get some sea time and especially if done alone, than I am of someone in an armchair someplace that has never had wet feet or salt crystals on their arms and clothing on an afternoon. I know, change clothes more often, but sometimes that just cannot happen when we want it to!

I think that the desire to see new things is universal, and the look of a dolphin pod chasing alongside the bow, or hunting flying fish that skitter away from the bow in the Gulf Stream is something that should not be reserved only to soloists of the male persuasion! A narwhal is something that everyone should have at least one chance to see in the wild. Beluga whales are to my eye ugly, but they are one of the coolest animals on this planet. The greater toothed whales are impressive, as are all the baleens. Sea lions, jellyfish, porpoises, Mahi-mahi, the grouper fish families, all the sharks, skates, and rays, it is all a great world of life, and we all will benefit from experiencing it, males, females, and otherwise.

Go forth and live an adventure!! If doing it alone is your thing, go for it! If you want company, be good company and bring that friend along! Above all, leave a clean wake and enjoy what you experience responsibly.

[lancelot9898]

[QUOTE=SailingFan;2271963]Lancelot, that one was pretty good, I must say! The Harley... Classic!

She is entirely willing to wrangle sails, handle the tiller, cook, clean as able (she has a few disabilities but works through them as she can), and she is very accommodating to my poor moments of judgement when they arise, giving me a grin and a "now how did THAT work out?" look that makes me laugh at myself. She is a real catch!

Go forth and live an adventure!! If doing it alone is your thing, go for it! If you want company, be good company and bring that friend along! /QUOTE]

Sailing Fan cherish that woman you are with. I did experience that for the past 11 years before her passing. Met her on match of all places and she loved sailing even though in later years there were health issues. Meeting her you would never know about those issues because she was always cheerful and full of life. I don't know if I will ever find another one in a million, but I think it is worth it to try. I can enjoy the sailing solo and the hiking solo, but for me it is so much nicer with that special someone. There is so much in this world to see and explore and appreciate.

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by lancelot9898

I do have a sailrite sewing machine, but I use it so seldom that it will take me an hour reviewing the DVD to even set it up again. And who said anything about wanting a "nice" old lady. If she likes riding on the back of the Harley so much the better!

Actually, I have a few "old lady" customers who ride HD's.
One of them, when she split up with her mate, went right out and bought her own Harley trike with lots of bells and whistles. It's always immaculate.

Not this one, but very similar. Oh, and she is also a sailor.

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Ahh.. its what is referred to as the 'Natural Order of Family'.. read that somewhere..
It starts with
"Haven't you a BF/GF yet..??"

Where's Lena?? :big grin:

I liked that post BTW.

[fuentes]

Originally Posted by reed1v

Soul mates is sooo yesterday. Try Friends with Benefits. Its replaced the soul stuff. Also cuts to the chase.

I am 76, not gay, male. Is it possible to find sailing female friends without benefits? I tried male sailing friends, but they wanted to be boss even when they did not know my boat nor the conditions of the area we were in. They would not do what I asked or follow instructions. I almost lost the boat when he dropped the anchor before we were in position and ended up beached! I do not mind suggestions, but the person in control has to know what they are doing! I would not mind gals that knows more than I. I would learn and it is relaxing to have someone else in control part of the time (proper watch?). Have a nice day.

[sailing_gal]

Ha! I am a single handing female and when I have taken on male crew, they tend to do the same thing---- pretend they are captain, even when they know less than me and nothing about my boat. I let one guy on my boat once, who had been on a buddy boat sailing with me in the Bahamas, so I actually got to know him pretty well, so i thought. When he had a falling out with the captain of the boat he was crewing on, he asked if he could crew for me. I thought he was a very nice guy, but he turned into Captain Bligh after a few days and I put him off the boat at the next convenient stop.

Actually, the best crew I have had is a guy who had been a professional captain in the Med captaining a 90 foot sailing charter boat for many years. He definitely was much more experienced than I was, but he respected me as the captain and we learned from each other and we got along great.

So maybe, the secret is, find overqualified crew who understand the hierarchy on a boat.

[zeehag]

single and cruising---took on male crew who had 30 voices in head saying to kill me.. wow i cannot complete with that kind of schizophrenia-- he managed to befoul my entire boat , so i let him off after i had witness to his destruction. oops bye bye.
i am wary of males desiring to crew for women--they have ulterior motives. beware.
if they solicit you, be extra wary. vet well. remember it is your life and home you are in care of, and can mean your life if wrong crew chosen for offshore misadventure.
oops.

[sailing_gal]

Agreed- even after cruising and getting to know this guy on another boat for almost a month, he sure got domineering when he got on my boat.

[zeehag]

Originally Posted by sailing_gal

Agreed- even after cruising and getting to know this guy on another boat for almost a month, he sure got domineering when he got on my boat.

domineering is not th ehalf of it-- there are psychotics out there and jack the ripper and all kinds of crazies. one we renamed chukkee burn em. or burn em up chuk--after he was last person to touch or mangle a boat that blew up and burned not even 70 miles from land..is most important to vet seriously anyone seeking passage on any boat. not merely females--it was a guy boat he burned to waterline--as a result of that, it took me another year to ready my broken boat for a hail mary death march of 300 miles uphill. oops.

and i will NEVER forget the newport beach couple selling their boat who disappeared only to be found wrapped in anchor chain..both of em.
cannot be too safe.

[fuentes]

Originally Posted by zeehag

single and cruising---took on male crew who had 30 voices in head saying to kill me.. wow i cannot complete with that kind of schizophrenia-- he managed to befoul my entire boat , so i let him off after i had witness to his destruction. oops bye bye.
i am wary of males desiring to crew for women--they have ulterior motives. beware.
if they solicit you, be extra wary. vet well. remember it is your life and home you are in care of, and can mean your life if wrong crew chosen for offshore misadventure.
oops.

Is it possible that there are females with ulterior motives? I am not being facetious. It is a serious concern. I am in the process of forming a small group to sail out of San Felipe and enjoy/explore the Mar de Cortez. There are very few sail boats in San Felipe therefore I am finding it difficult to meet people that sail and enjoy being out on the water. I do not drink, smoke nor party and live off grid in the Sierra de Juarez. I have never been nor do I enjoy the country club scene. Therefor I am very limited as to the number of people I run into. Any suggestions/experiences out there? I go to San Diego but find it difficult to find sailors at Vons Home Depot or Costco!
I purchased the boat in the BVI. It seemed that so many went from island to island to socialize. I am more into sailing, enjoying the sea life ( I have had some fabulous experiences with whales, sea lions, dolphins,etc.), land animals and plants (once a farmer/rancher, always a farmer/rancher). If I could get horses on the boat, It would be perfect. Perhaps a Spanish Galleon?

[Dirk Williams]

Last visit to my boat, I was perplexed by a boat issue, and sitting on the bow thinking it thru. A pretty lady was walking by, and must have seen my deep think. She stopped and introduced herself.

She then helped my fix the problem. She was a single gal, headed south to Mexico, then the pacific. Wonderful gal. Bright articulate, and what I call street smart. Liked ice cold Corona!

Although she didn't say it, I sensed she had just come out of a shitty relationship. I didn't pry, I was grateful for her sharing her knowledge and her remarkable honesty.

I tried to pay her for her time, would have none of that, so I purchased her two large bag of avocado's from a fruit stand across from the marina, which she did mentioned she loved. Got her two bags of ten, for two bucks, so not much

Out of Wa, I hope she finds what it is she needs.

Dirk

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by sailing_gal

Actually, the best crew I have had is a guy who had been a professional captain in the Med captaining a 90 foot sailing charter boat for many years. He definitely was much more experienced than I was, but he respected me as the captain and we learned from each other and we got along great.

So maybe, the secret is, find overqualified crew who understand the hierarchy on a boat.

I think you will find that pretty normal amongst professional captains who go out as crew for a fun sail.

We are just happy to relax and let someone else do all the planning, while being supportive crew.

We understand and respect the stress of responsibility and chain of command, so would never undermine the confidence of our host.

[zeehag]

Originally Posted by fuentes

Is it possible that there are females with ulterior motives? I am not being facetious. It is a serious concern. I am in the process of forming a small group to sail out of San Felipe and enjoy/explore the Mar de Cortez. There are very few sail boats in San Felipe therefore I am finding it difficult to meet people that sail and enjoy being out on the water. I do not drink, smoke nor party and live off grid in the Sierra de Juarez. I have never been nor do I enjoy the country club scene. Therefor I am very limited as to the number of people I run into. Any suggestions/experiences out there? I go to San Diego but find it difficult to find sailors at Vons Home Depot or Costco!
I purchased the boat in the BVI. It seemed that so many went from island to island to socialize. I am more into sailing, enjoying the sea life ( I have had some fabulous experiences with whales, sea lions, dolphins,etc.), land animals and plants (once a farmer/rancher, always a farmer/rancher). If I could get horses on the boat, It would be perfect. Perhaps a Spanish Galleon?

i am sure there are as many females with ulterior motives as there are men with same.
enjoy the sea of cortez. it is petty there-- very deserty